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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex bitching about me on FB

23 replies

Dragondream · 30/03/2013 23:16

I am so pissed off tonight, ex has bitched about me before but thought it was all over with.
Just found another PA post from him on our DD's wall, along with comments from people I never met slagging me off. Tbh it's the comments that hurt the most, how can people just judge like that?

We've been divorced now nearly as long as we were together (10 yrs) but he can't let it go. I admit we've argued lots in the past but we don't have any contact at all anymore. I know I should just ignore but I hate the fact he is still spewing bile about me.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 30/03/2013 23:19

and now you are bitching about him on mn ... block him on fb then you don't have to read his comments.

People bitch about each other, unfortunately sometimes it's what they do. Unfortunately sometimes people also do so in a more public environment than is preferable. This is life.

McBalls · 30/03/2013 23:20

What a shithead. Stressful for you of course but how awful for your DD. how old is she?

I'd just get rid of FB tbh but I know some people like it.

McBalls · 30/03/2013 23:20

Not comparable at all wannabe.

wannaBe · 30/03/2013 23:29

isn't it? Plenty of people biitch about their ex's on here, plenty of people on here comment on people they know nothing about other than what the person doing the bitching has told them. In fact you have just commented on this man with no knowledge of what he's said or why but just on the op's say-so.

Fwiw I don't believe in bitching about people on social media or public internet fora, it's a bit crass to say the least. But to go on to a public website to bitch about the person who has been bitching about you on a ... err... public website is just a bit ironic. no?

Original poster

Dragondream · 30/03/2013 23:34

Wannabe, of course I bitch about him, to my friends in private. I don't think I have named him here have I? Nor can my DD see what I post,so not comparable really.
I'm not actually on FB at all, I just keep an eye on DD's account, she's 13 it's all on her wall.

OP posts:

McBalls · 30/03/2013 23:34

MN is anonymous.
This man is posting on his daughters FB, bitching about her mother and his friends are joining in.
And yes, of course he may tell a different story but as this is anon, what does it matter if the op is made up nonsense?

Dragon - if FB is the only 'contact' you have with this person then I'd block really.
And if DD is a minor I'd get rid of her account.

McBalls · 30/03/2013 23:36

She's 13...delete her account.
He sounds thoroughly scummy. Who would do that to their child?
Does he have contact?

Dilemma247 · 30/03/2013 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Dragondream · 30/03/2013 23:42

Wannabe I'm here for advice, not to bitch. I have to give some details, I don't believe I've slagged my ex off at all just given the facts as they are?

OP posts:

Original poster

Dragondream · 30/03/2013 23:57

I'm reluctant to delete the account , it was set up by ex when she was about 10 to keep in touch. I felt backed into a wall and just went with it at the time. Ex hates me having any 'view' on their conversations, I have in the past replied on DD's wall to the really bad stuff he's said about me. I'm just sick of it, it's ridiculous after so long.

OP posts:

McBalls · 31/03/2013 00:00

Do they keep in touch by other means?

Bridgetbidet · 31/03/2013 00:08

How awful for your poor daughter. Rather than deleting the entire account could you change the password, registered email and security settings so that it's secure to your daughter only (assume he may well have access now if he set it up).

Then send him an email address for your daughter and tell him to keep in touch that way then block him on the fb account?

There are other ways for him to keep in touch and if he is exposing her to this kind of thing it is not fair to you or her for it to continue.

HerrenaHarridan · 31/03/2013 09:05

Of course the circs are different wannabe, as far as I can see she hasn't bitched about him (in this instance )
There is a massive difference between my exp is an arse he has done a b and c and which made these problems, not really looking fir constructive advice and ok this has happened what do I do to protect myself from this on future.

Fwiw my ex is doing the same, minus Facebook. Going round telling mutual friends that its my fault our daughter is disabled

I would say don't delete her Facebook because she'll only set up another one you have no control over.
Change passwords so ex cannot admin.

Here's some suggestions, pick and mix

You could start posting link to sites showing how harmful it is to a child's mental health to bitch about the other parent.

Report the comments and have them removed.

Block him

Ask your daughter how it makes her feel and encourage her to talk to him about how she feels.

Ignore

JambalayaCodfishPie · 31/03/2013 09:15

My ex told everyone on Facebook that I was a lesbian, because Id left him. He had 'evidence' and everything.

In the end he came across worse for it, he just looked pathetic. Just ignore. The people who matter won't care, and the people who care, it won't matter. :-)

Your DD is only seeing the reasons he's your ex, isn't she.

tribpot · 31/03/2013 09:29

So a father is using a Facebook wall belonging to his daughter to wage a war with her mother? Does your DD actually ever look at this wall? How would she feel about her friends reading all that crap? Or having it haunt her online life forever when she takes over the account herself in the future?

He's breaking FB terms and conditions - not to mention arguably the law. If he still controls the password etc to the FB account, I would report it to FB as a fake account and have it shut down.

Losingexcessweight · 31/03/2013 15:31

Me and dh have this regular fro. His ex, shes never met me, nor has any of her family and they live 25 mile away.

Posting statuses about us, family commenting slagging us off, people who have met dh but obviously not me. They all seemed to have so much to say about us.

Delete her account and if he asks why then tell him, then you wont know what hes saying so it wont affect you.

ozzywiz · 31/03/2013 21:59

Going from my experiences of my 13 year old daughter who also has a facebook account monitored by myself, I would not advise deleting the account. with the teenage high school attitude I guess she will be furious if you did this and defo get another one without your knowledge and it will fuel any agreements she may have with her dad for her to join in the negative comments. . in my opinion I would sit her down and explain how you feel and explain to her you think its in her best interest for you to delete her dad from facebook for a short period of time so she is not subject to the negative comments.

Original poster

Dragondream · 31/03/2013 23:23

Hi thanks so much for all your replies, they are really appreciated. To answer a few of your questions.

They are in contact through other routes, Skype and e-mail, in fact ex has only just re-added DD as a friend on FB after the last lot of bollocks his wife posted about me. I did reply to this and they had the cheek to report the post as I was so nasty to her. Completely ignoring the fact that she had offered to give her fb friends my address so they could shove me under a bus!

I did see a solicitor about this who advised me to go to the police, but a friend in the force didn't think it would go anywhere as the post on FB was quite old before I saw it so not an immediate threat.

DD's see their dad every other wknd, he does occasionally have them in the summer hols for a few days at a time, he never requests any further contact. Lately both DD's have on occasion decided not to go for contact wknds, not ideal I know but as they are 13 and 10 and there is no formal agreement I think it's up to them?

Youngest DD especially doesn't like going by herself, she doesn't get on with stepmum at all, as she has bitched about me to her a lot in the past. Ex generally works nights at the wknd so he's not really missing out.

As for the FB account I really don't know, thinking about it, it seems odd that he has chosen now to post this knowing in the past I have always managed to find out what he's said? I'm not sure if eldest DD would've seen the post, she was with him at the time he posted it and tbh it was the comments posted after rather than the post that pissed me off more.

I think the thing that bugs me most is that I cannot fathom why he does this shit, he can see the DD' s as much as he and they want, he has other contact, he's always boasting about how wonderful they are on FB so what's the problem?

I just feel that whatever I do it's wrong,

Sorry for the novel, it's been cathartic to get it all out.

OP posts:

MySonIsMyWorld · 01/04/2013 10:58

My ex is bitching about me on FB too, posting things in his status like " Why are some people immature all i want to do is sort stuff out and see my son" which makes me laugh because ive not stopped him seeing ds, he hasnt even tried to see him! There is a comment from a girl he used to see saying "she will get whats coming to her for being so mean" which made me laugh.....hate FB hence the reason ive come off it...... 3 years of hell with ex dp and now he has the cheek to slag me off on fb when all ive done is tell him he can see ds whenever.......PRICK!!

seaofyou · 01/04/2013 12:14

Hiya I know how hurtful it is and worrying how sick someone can be. My ex posted on DS birthday son of satan. He posted I was a psychopath on ds year before birthday and would write music saying it was f@@@ up because ex doing his head in and we had split up several years early and I had no contact for 3 yrs with ex!?

It was when the he used to quote Alister Crowley quotes as titles and other names for Satan before he would attack my home. It was horrendous and the titles used to give me an idea he was off on an evil revenge splurt again and about to attack.

The attacks online increased for a while when he couldn't attack house anymore after CCTV fitted. Although parks outside every few months and only drives off when he knows I spot him (pull the net curtain to look etc)

I contacted the police about the insults to our ds as that is the most hurtful. I was told as he never mentioned my ds name their was nothing they could do. So he had his RL name and photo and all his friends on their saying this about ds and I and he only has one ds! So it wasn't as if he could say it was another ds he had! Police useless did nothing:(

I just hope it shows ex friends how evil he actually is and projecting his own self onto me online. He wants you to react back....if he is saying your RL name you can go to Police about it. But your only feeding the sicko.

VBisme · 01/04/2013 12:20

Block him and you won't see his posts.

MySonIsMyWorld · 01/04/2013 16:41

Bastard men and facebook = problems!!

ihearsounds · 01/04/2013 17:45

Take screen shots of all the conversations on her wall.

Change all the settings on FB - email, password, mobile etc. Make sure these are all primary details.

Then block him.

You take the screen shots because he might be a total idiot and contact a solicitor. With the screen shots you can show what he has been posting on her wall.

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