Is he really a "father"

[AmIthatTinselly]

It is now four days after Christmas. Myy ~ExP wa last in touch at the start of December when he e-mailed to ask what DD wanted for Christmas. I told him I was getting her an ipad, so cds would be old hat, but suggested a couple of Wii games she might like. i gave him the choice of two. He actually debated with me which one to get

Now my beloved DD is in tears and is saying that she hates her Dad, as she hasn't had so much as a card from him. Not even a word.

And this man earns a living working with vulnerable young people. He hasn't a fuckin clue

How do I console my DD, who has had a very happy christmas surrounded by our family who all love her so much, but is aware that her DF has not bothered with her?

What a bastard!

Sorry OP, I haven't any experience in this but I couldn't read and run.

Have you approached DD's father about this? Text, called, emailed?

Thank you. I was going to text him,but perhaps better wait until morning when I am more rational.

I am so, so, angry with him. She is the loveliest child and deserves so much better.

I am so angry with him, because she has brought it up. How can he treat this lovely child like this

I think you tell her over and over again that she has a family that loves her so much and are reliable and there for her. And you keep telling her that over and over again. You then let her know it is ok for her to be angry at her dad because she feels let down and that is a healthy, normal way to feel. And you let her know that none of this is happening because of her, it is not her fault, it is nothing she has done, and sometimes adults behave really badly.

Other than that I really don't know. Perhaps you could talk to the school nurse or whatever structure there is for who takes over from health visitors when children are school age, about counselling? I think I would be tempted to do that, so she has someone to talk to about this?

Some dad's don't deserve to be fathers.

As above, because they even do this when they have regular access! I feel it just shows the child the true selfishness in their character - my ds was told by his dad that he 'couldn't afford' any christmas presents this year as they have just had a new kitchen and both bathrooms refitted (all say awwww) yet dad earns over 40K a year and managed to buy himself and his wife presents which they then opened in front of ds! Sadly this then gave me a 10 yr old who is questioning his dads love for him :-(

I haven't read the whole thread (I very rarely do)

I am in the same boat as you OP.

DS got nothing off his dad. Absolutely nothing.

DS has got used to it. Unfortunately you have to be the one who tells her that her father is never going to change.

Its better if you both learnt to accept and deal with it now otherwise it will make you both miserable.

He is a twat and no amount of telling him how guilty he is of this is going to make him change.

Just continue to make yours and your DD life good and ignore any crap he tries to do.

incognito you are so right, he is a fucking twat. My poor DD, landed with
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I'm guessing this guy has prior history of being irresponsible?

My best tactic is to call and say "oh thank goodness you're alive, I assumed your lack of contact/presents/cards/thoughts was because you'd had a terrible accident" That normally shames them into action especially if you sound sincere. Plus if they have had a terrible accident (possible?) you have covered your bases and don't sound heartless.

my ex does a 'should know better' job but he's pretty much the same.

I have taken the view that his relationship with his children is his responsibility and I no longer make suggestions or get annoyed or upset or anything else on behalf of our children. They know who looks after them and who doesn't.

no presents for a 10 yr old, yet opening some for yourself and new wife... ? that is really low...