Where are all the nice men

[oscarthegrouch]

My friends all seem to have hit on lucky with their partners it's making me feel lonely!

Are there any nice men left? I never seem to meet any

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

Hmmm yeah my a, b, c,s are the much the same, he just drinks a bit too much and punches doors, when I ask why he said 'women' kinda it put me off, I just wouldn't want my face to be the doors someday, other than that I do/did like him.

[beujolais]

My FWB moved to the other side of the world which was a shame, not just because of the sex but he was my best friend and i miss him tonnes. I would just like someone to go to the flicks with and have dinner with and discuss favourite albums and films and books etc.. with the added bonus of nice sex. I ended up broken hearted last time i tried to get serious with someone, that was over 4 years ago now, though scott walker albums helped mend it a great deal.

[Lookingatclouds]

Ooh sorry, I dangled that carrot and then didn't come back to reply!

Ok, so who is up for a master class in cosmic ordering? I warn you I am quite woo - you don't have to be!

Its all about the law of attraction - what you focus on is what you will attract into your life. So if you sit there thinking that there are no decent men out there, that is what you will see. If you think you will never find the time or never go anywhere to meet anyone, then that's what'll happen.

So find some time when you won't be disturbed, light a candle, put some gentle music on and maybe some incense. As you light the candle set the intention that you will leave all your worries and fears to one side while you write your list. You don't have to do the music and candle if that's too woo, intention is powerful on its own.

Get a large piece of paper and start writing down what it is you would like in your ideal relationship. What qualities you would like your partner to have. Keep it positive, no negative words. So for example if you'd like someone without debts don't say "without debts" say "financially affluent or financially abundant" or something like that. Be specific. Really go to town, you can ask for whatever it is you'd like. I had two sides of A5 and scribblings in the margin! You can add to the list as new things occur to you.

Next visualise yourself with this man, what you are going to do, how you are going to feel. Take your list and put it somewhere safe. You might want to go back to it and add something or change something.

Then wait for opportunities to come your way to meet someone. It might be a party invite, a new class, joining a dating website, or bumping into someone in the supermarket. Just tell yourself that you are open to him coming, then trust and believe that he is.

[GetAllTheThings]

I once wished a girlfriend's boobs were just a little bit bigger........ this came true and is the reason I ended up on mumsnet.

Be careful what you wish for is my advice. :)

[Lookingatclouds]

Oh definitely! Very good point. I once ordered a new front drive ... I got it, but had to be flooded in order to get it!

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

Do you have to visualize what the man looks like? I'm a bit fussy .....

I think I will wait until December / January, I have a wedding in February lots of single men in football teams going

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

Eh?WTF? You ended up on Mumsnet because your girlfriends boobs were too big

I didn't light candles I did visualize myself in anew house, then negatively swore as each house was filled, the one day a man came knocking and gave me... the last new house (spooky), so now I have no carpets or anything as I had just finished re-carpeting/hardwood flooring last house...

[ankh]

@Lookingatclouds: that list is useless to me. I only need to look in his eyes and touch and smell. Then talk. Then I know. It happened once so far. I'm waiting for a 2nd chance.

I'm serious :)

[AmIthatScary]

I have some time free on Friday night, so I am going to try that. Mind you, that is pretty much what I have "unofficially" been doing for the last 8 years, and it still hasn't worked

[Lookingatclouds]

Yes definitely visualise him, but not a specific person. Concentrate on how you want to feel, what qualities he has. The thing with being specific about how he looks is that it narrows down the options of who will come your way but it's entirely up to you. The only thing I put to do with looks was "taller than me".

You've already done it with a house ... you can do this! Start now, the order will be in place in time for the wedding, but don't just look on that as your only opportunity to meet someone.

And visualise your home with carpets, they'll come! Don't work out how, just know that they will.

[Lookingatclouds]

Amithatscary - is there any part of you that thinks you don't deserve it? Or that it isn't going to happen?

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

I think I will try the flooring first (easier).

The man has to be very understanding (my children have issues) taller than me, no facial hair and no drugs and preferable not a big drinker and realise I don't have a lot of time, give me lots of me time, erm... not be too needy, but not go and sleep around and yes, brings me back to the man on the white horse!

I will stick to flooring.

[GetAllTheThings]

I'm visualizing the hoover giving my home a quick run round.

< closes eyes and presses fingers to forehead >

[cuteboots]

Quitequiet- Im with you on that one. My son is my main focus at the mo and if someone comes along then thats fine

[Glutton4Punishment]

I'm interested in the time between meeting someone and introducing to children, its something that I may have to face in future if I'm lucky. I had a decade of very happy marriage, literally never had a row and were soulmates (not in a clingy PDA way, just best friends). Lost my wife to C earlier this year and I think I'd be terrified of introducing another woman to my daughter, let alone my family!
Big shoes to fill I fear and though I'd like to think that I'd avoid the comparison thing, I'm pretty sure other people wont.
The thing with being single is......... its a bit crap really!

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

I don't think I mind being single, I have been separated for over 2 years, well one year of him not trying to come back and I quite like it, I wouldn't know where to put a man right now. With the dc and all, it would be strange for me/us.

Someone for a Friday night hug would be fine as long as he left Saturday.

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

*by the Saturday, I need my ME time.

[Snapespeare]

You all sound lovely and we would welcome you on the 'official' dating thread. We're all very lovely (apart from the occasional spat) full of cynicism good advice and very welcoming. :)

As to good men? I'm sure they exist, I'm sure they've been burned and are recovering and thinking about new relationships. I refuse to believe they are all happily married and/or gay. but I sometimes suspect they are wary of women with DCs (which negates their niceness) we 're nice! There must be male equivalents! :)

[Lookingatclouds]

I'm sory for your loss Glutton . I think when the time is right and you are ready then it will all fall into place. That was my experience anyway. I had two years on my own. So be warned NotW because the weekend after I had said to a friend "do you know what, I am really happy on my own - I love my life and all the things I do and I don't know when I'd even fit a relationship in" was when I met my bf.

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

That's my line. Where would I put a man?

[AmIthatScary]

Well, when I was shopping tonight, there were some reduced candles, so I bought the Zen relaxation one. DD is staying at my sisters tomorrow, so I am going to try and do the visualisation thing and see what happens. If nothing else, it might make me feel happy and optimistic

[mama2moo]

Im going out tonight to try to find a nice man - Wish me luck!!

[NotWankinginaWinterWonderland]

Good luck with that, I'm staying home to visualise my flooring, I'm hoping to be sleeping by 9.00pm ish !! I think my dc have read this, they want me, to date a man..bring him home and meet them. Blasted dc have no idea.

[AmIthatScary]

Good luck mama

I'm watching Strictly, then going to try the visualisation

[mama2moo]

Thanks! I need all the help I can get in the town I live in!