Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

CSA have just suggested I ring the Samaritans!

24 replies

rickman · 31/03/2006 10:36

Anyone know if they have any success getting money out of lying bast@rd ex partners?

OP posts:
beetroot · 31/03/2006 10:40

none. they are only there to listen and cannot give advice. But they will support you and let you work through your otions...not sure if that is what you need though???

zephyrcat · 31/03/2006 10:46

Apparently not.... My Mum has been trying for 14 years from my Sister's Dad. She has given them every address, every job, every last bank detail of his and they still got nothing from him.

On the other hand dp's ex got someone to pretend they were dp and got the CSA to ring them and now they are threatening to take dp to court Shock!!

Original poster
rickman · 31/03/2006 10:47

No not really. What I need is some money. I'm so sick of the whole thing, I was crying down the phone. She suggested that I ring a friend and when I said they were all at work she suggested the samaritans.

She also said I should make a cup of tea and pamper myself, so that I'm happy when the kids get home from school.

It's not working though. :(

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 31/03/2006 10:58

sorry you are still having a tough time trying to get money out of your ex-p. Was he the self-employed chap? If so, have you been on to the tax office about him declaring all his income?
Many apols if I've got the wrong chap.

malodorantemelly · 31/03/2006 11:02

I Thought the csa were good at getting the money, but just really crap and handing it out to the right people? Probably making a mint in interest.Angry

charliecat · 31/03/2006 11:04

Is he still didling the paperwork then?
Could you not turn into bitch from hell and say hes not having the kids till some money passes hands or is that not the done thing?

Original poster
rickman · 31/03/2006 11:05

Thanks bugsy, you do have the right person. He does own his own business, but he has made himself an employee and is paying himself a basic wage. The other money he is taking from his business, he is saying is money that is owed to him, I don't know if it money he should be paying tax on or not. It is certainly money that he has going into his account every month. It's so frustrating, everything seems to favour him, I am meant to prove everything 100x over and then they still don't do anything.

OP posts:
MillionDollarBaby · 31/03/2006 11:06

I have given up trying to get any money at out my dd's father he's a prize c*nt as unfotrunately so many men who father children turn out to be.

The CSA are a waste of time money and effort.. I would be furious if one of the oprators had the cheek to tell me that I should call the samaritans! idiots!

Furious on your behalf.

Bugsy2 · 31/03/2006 11:16

Ugh, Rickman what a piece of sh*t. If you haven't done it, definitely worth a call to the Inland Revenue saying that you don't think he is or has been declaring his income properly.
I'm not an accountant, but I would have thought if he has made himself an employee, someone somewhere must own the "company" that is paying him as an employee. Somehow, it sounds dodgy & I bet the IR would find income if they started picking through his accounting records.
ARGHH - what is it with these bl##dy men who won't support their children!! Angry

zephyrcat · 31/03/2006 11:19

Definately ring the IR and try to get them to start questioning his 'business'.

charliecat · 31/03/2006 11:26

Rickman, would him paying gain you anything? Would you get to keep any of it?

Original poster
rickman · 31/03/2006 12:00

Yes, I'm not on income support so I'd get to keep all of it. Child tax credits aren't affected by maintenance so they would remain the same.

I've just spoken to the tax office and apparently the £80k goodwill payment in his accounts is not taxable. Therefore he is obviously living off that money and doesn't have to declare it. Sooner or later though the money will run out and his income is going to look totally different.

I have to prove to the CSA that he has another income, although I can do that, as it isn't taxable I doubt that they will be able to take it into account. Seems there is always a way to avoid your financial responsbilities.

I'm so broke at the moment, because I didn't get any money for 6 weeks it has left me trying to play catch up. It is ds's birthday in April and he is meant to be having a party with his friend, god knows how I'm going to pay for that and that's on top of a present.

OP posts:
charliecat · 31/03/2006 12:05

What an arse Angry

RedTartanLass · 31/03/2006 12:06

Rickman,if he has his own business, he will probably be paying himself a minimum wage, BUT paying himself Dividends as a Director of the company.

I'm no accountant but I'm sure you can get the information you need about the Dividends he is paying himself, from Companies House. \link{http://wck2.companieshouse.gov.uk/aceae24a9b3ca9712cbb802aac44d0c0//wcframe?name=accessCompanyInfo\check here}

Maybe a mumsnet accountant can explain correctly.

RedTartanLass · 31/03/2006 12:10

Sorry rickman X posts. I don't think dividends are taxable Sad

Do the CSA only calculate on taxable income then?

csadilemma · 31/03/2006 12:23

Wow!
My DH may have just got a nil assessment off the CSA but trust me he is not receiving any 80K goodwill payments!!! We are actually genuinely a one income family right now (mine!) and do not have any spare cash but despite that we are still considering how we are going to proceed with contributing towards the kids (over what we already pay) without the CSA being involved. Not taxable? That means he receives the full 80K, blooming hell wouldn't that be nice!

CSA are a waste of space - but surely you can close the case and try to talk to him about voluntary payments?? Or have you tried this? Even if he said No in the past, don't you think he might consider? Nobody wants CSA in their lives…. Have you asked him about paying for all extra costs of the kids ie, clothes, shoes, school lunches, school trips etc… ?

paolosgirl · 31/03/2006 12:42

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, rickman Sad. I'd def. ring the IR or whatever they call themselves now.

A wee story to cheer you up a bit - DH is an accountant, and was doing a tax return for an absolute a*sehole of a client who drove a flash car, had the big house etc, but made the mistake of telling DH about the amount of money he was supposed to be paying his ex wife, but wasn't. DH got so sick of him, he rang the CSA anonymously, gave them all the facts and figures, and sat back and laughed when the guy got caught! (DH say's he knows this was very unprofessional, btw Blush)

Original poster
rickman · 31/03/2006 13:00

The dividends can be included in the CSA assessment but I don't think this lump sum will be. I used Companies House to get a copy of his last accounts which is where I have got my info from. According to the site though, the next accounts don't have to be submitted until the end of this year. Is there any of seeing the accounts in the mean time?

OP posts:
edam · 31/03/2006 13:11

What an a*se he is. God knows how he sleeps at night. Would suggest a private detective although you probably can't afford one. Angry

Bugsy2 · 31/03/2006 13:27

I'm amazed that the CSA haven't asked for interim accounts!
Have you considered taking him to court - is this an option? I'm not sure how it works with ex-partners, but I did a Financial Dispute Resolution with ex-H & you have to declare everything there or risk being in contempt of court.

csadilemma · 31/03/2006 13:31

Can't you apply for a departure - lifestyle inconsistent with earnings?
TBH thought I can just see more stress ahead, even if you do try and argue his accounts. I would really try and skip CSA altogether and try for private again - with CSA you are tied down with all their rules and regulations - no flexibility. Child mediation services will help seperated parents come to maintenance agreements now. Is this an option if you close the CSA case or will he just absolutely not consider it?

Original poster
rickman · 31/03/2006 14:03

I was going to apply for a variation but now that the money can't be considered as income, I haven't got much to go on. I have applied for lifestyle inconsistent with income before, but the man at the CSA told me that they very rarely get anyone with this, the only case he could think of was when someone had photos of their ex partner standing outside of their mansion!

We did discuss sorting out between ourselves recently, although he wanted to agree a figure and it would stay at that forever. As his income is likely to grow significantly in the future, I don't see why the kids shouldn't benefit from it. After all, it was his obsession with his work that meant he completely ignore me and the kids, up until the moment I left. He used to say that he was doing it for them, so why shouldn't they have some of it?

His argument is that because the money comes to me, I must benefit from it in some way and there is no way that he wants to support me. Making sure that I go without, is more important than making sure the kids get what they need.

What is even more irritating is that no doubt the new girlfriend and her child are reaping the benefits of his big stash of money, while his own kids have to go without.

OP posts:
butty · 31/03/2006 14:11

Hi rickman,

Don't know if this is of much use to you, but i have been trying for 5 years to sort out CSA with DD's dad, i've even given them his last 3 places of employment and they were abosolutely useless and i mean useless.

CSA take 15% of their net earnings and have done for the past year or so.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, i got fed up of being fobbed off by ex telling me that he would pay through CSA, but he never contacted them onceAngry Last November, i seeked out advise from CAB and they advised that i see a family lawyer as would be entitled to legal aid.

After seeing the solicitor and telling her what happened, she contacted ex via letter asking for a legally binding amount to be paid each month that we both agreed on and if he did not contact within so many days, then by right i could take him to court regarding assess that he has with no financila contribution.

It did work, but like i say, circumstances could be very different, he now pays £100.00 per month, but that is no way near 15%.

Good luck

Butty.xxx

csadilemma · 31/03/2006 15:06

"We did discuss sorting out between ourselves recently, although he wanted to agree a figure and it would stay at that forever. As his income is likely to grow significantly in the future, I don't see why the kids shouldn't benefit from it. "
Well I think you should take him up on the offer of going privately and then cross the bridge of increased earnings/increased maintenance as and when you come to it because what have you got to lose? The CSA are getting you absolutely nowhere, not to mention the fact that you will never have amicability with your ex while they are involved. Why don't you suggest child mediation service to sort it out - at least that way you have an independent 3rd party to mediate help you both see what is reasonable etc. I know the NSPCC have info on mediation services in your local area. Surely anything has to be better than this? Its ture you won't have CSA to "rely" on to chase him/harrass him but as they have proved they aren't really helpful anyway, does it really matter?

CSA are a waste of space .

New posts on this thread. Refresh page