Does it get any better

[littlebrightstar]

first time post!
Everytime my little one goes to his dads I feel miserable. I know everyone says go and do something for yourself, but by time hes gone I need to clean etc. I am not in the space were I want to go out and let my hair down yet.

Ex isn't making things easy I actually thought he would see the light and we would sort out our problems and give it another go. He just wants to get back and dismiss the problems in between. I want to date get what we had back.

Messages go from each other get horrible if I am not saying what he wants me to, like im mental, evil and karma will get me.

Has anyone else had this? Has anyone given it another go and the man has changed? Am I just flogging a dead horse and need to move on??

Thanks for reading my post :-)

Could you change the way you view your child going to their dads as time for you? Get a DVD from the library, plan something to do in the home you can just do on that afternoon?

In my experience, people are pretty set and don,t change. But it is hard to see things end.

Please let go of him and find happiness elsewhere. Too many women put up with bad behaviour to keep the family together, your DS will be happier with a strong happy mum. I do feel for you and understand your feelings though.

MatureUniStudent Thank you for your reply.....Thank you ... Yes I have films to watch and alot of things I could be doing. Think its the miserable weather and winter coming in that makes me not want to go out as much.

SchmaltzingMatilda.......Thank you ........I know im not selling him well at all. He is a good father just a rubbish partner. I have never gone through as split with a child involved and I am finding it hard because you can't just move on as easily. About doing things for myself, I think along the way I have sort of lost me and my confidence!!! My baby was in hospital for a few months when he was born, as he was 12 weeks early and this all happened this year. I do most of the cleaning when the little one is here just, sometimes I do some when he is at his fathers. I have books, things to make, watch films etc. I just need to pull my finger out.

DaydreamDolly...............Thank you for your kind words. I find it hard at the moment, but im sure it will get better whichever way my life will go.

SchmaltzingMatilda Does RL mean Relatives?? My mum passed couple of years ago and the rest of family have busy lives and there isn't many of us. I have the only child. I have a few friends but I got very synical when I looked after my mother and many stopped contact. Then having my little boy again I found out who really was my friend. I use to chat to anyone and make friends easily. Wow life changes from working and now being a mummy.

RL means real life

When I was first getting back on my feet I mainly went round friends' houses when DCs were at their dad's. Nice low key socialising and most other parents enjoy some company once their kids are in bed.

And in answer to your question, yes it does get easier, especially once you reach the stage when you become confident that there's no going back and you don't want him back. I made myself a list of all the things that ex would need to change for it to work just in case I ever forgot and was tempted to let him drift back in pretending it was all ok.

SchmaltzingMatilda.... thank you for replying. Yes the problems have not been solved. I think some men don't know how to solve the problems. Mine was more that he was not growing up and not coming home etc. I am in my 30s and was very selfish before my little boy came along. I think I just automatically grew up when I knew I had a little life inside of me. Adding to that, him coming early has made me grow tenfolds.

With me being older I have had plenty of years of going out seeing friends but also grew away from the friends who had children. with the little one coming 3 months early I never got to go to antinatal classes and meet other mums with babies the same age. Also with it winter here I really don't want my little one out in the cold all the time. I am going to go to a baby group next week for the first time eeeek! I have some friends who have been there for me and will continue. I also enjoy having time to myself to do things when little one is not here.

purpleroses............thank you for your reply. I have a list in my mind all the time and I know things will get better. It's hard when all I wanted was a family, but I know the stuff that was going on was not right and even if he does change it will take alot for us to get back. I have asked for closure but he won't give me it.