Going to family mediation to sort out contact this week - any advice?

[DoubleYew]

So stbxh has become unreasonable, threatening me etc so I have said email only, about ds only. Can't be relied upon to turn up on time, when I try and make arrangements with him he just says "we'll see what happens" as if its that easy for me when I have to arrange lifts etc.

He has mental health problems so is perhaps just not capable of stepping up, sadly for everyone.

Ds is 2.3 yrs.

So anyway things we need to sort out:

regular contact on an average week
Notice of change of arrangements
what happens if ds is too sick, arrangements in emergency
ds birthday, christmas
holidays
being allowed to take him out of the country (gps live abroad, he says he will not let us go)
ds appointments (I already keep him informed as ds is seeing paed and slt)

Am I forgetting anything obvious?

Mothers/fathers day ?

Right of first refusal?

A very reasonable list of things to sort ut.

However be prepared that then session may not achieve anything if he refuses to engage in the process. Still you can show willingness and hope the mediator tackles him.....

How does the right of first refusal usually work for the resident parent?

Its our second shot at mediation so I know what I'm in store for, unfortunately, in terms of his difficultness. What I don't know is what he will want in terms of contact. Has said previously he is happy with ds living with me, he will see him for a few hours on his days off, doesn't want overnights. Before this was going on about getting sole custody (deluded).

Best case scenario - we get something sorted. Worst case - I've shown myself to be reasonable. I've had a solo session with mediator after he refused to attend any more joint sessions and she said she can see I'm acting in ds best interest.

Frankly I'd prefer to tell him to go and screw himself after the way he's treated me but hey ho.

Right if first refusal will ensure that your DS spends contact time with his Dad, not anyone else.

Ah ok, thanks. He already does this I think, tells me he has to give him back early as he's got an appointment. He doesn't have anyone to leave him with atm as far as I know but its worth bringing up for the future.