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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I no longer want his surname (but the DC's are kind of stuck with it aren't they?). Anyone have any advice?

16 replies

Camelsshouldnteatcrisps · 20/09/2012 22:45

I really want my old surname again, I don't particularly like this surname and I've only got it because I changed it through deed pole when I was pg with DC1.

It's seems spiteful to change the DC's names and possible a bit odd to change mine but I don't feel like an (insert ex-p's surname). To be honest I'd rather not be associated with them any more (not out of snobbery but because they have let me down and I just don't want their surname).

Has anyone else felt like this and changed back to their old 'maiden' name?

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penny1989 · 21/09/2012 00:04

its your name and you can change it as u please. as for the children yes you can change their names. my mother changed mine when my dad decided he wanted no more to do with us. without his consent you can only double barrel it to both your names though, unless you have proof that hes had nothing to do with them for so many years. definatly something to look into if your unhappy about it.

lisaro · 21/09/2012 00:07

Why on earth did you do that in the first place? What a strange thing to do. Did you want to pretend to be married?

peppapigpants · 21/09/2012 07:32

I changed my name immediately upon separation...I wasn't going to be Mrs X for the rest of my life. DC have his name and they are ok with it all.

LizLemon007 · 21/09/2012 08:07

You changed your name by deed poll to that of the man who you didn't marry??

Go back to your old name. If if it's higginbottom or something dreadful. It's your name. I am my name, my kids are x'ssurname. I don't particularly like that they have his sur name but that's the way it is. They are sometimes informally known as kids my name though, and I don't discourage that. But for anything like passports etc... it's just got to be the old name.

My friend got her x#s permission to give their daughter her sur name when they split. But most absent fathers (no matter if they are deadbeats) won't give that.

queenofthepirates · 21/09/2012 12:09

What about new surnames all round? You could change you and the DC's surnames to whatever you please to mark the change in all of your lives. You could be a scallywaggle or Princess-Sparkles!

LizLemon007 · 21/09/2012 12:23

you have to show that you've been using the sur name for a couple of years I think. I looked in to this briefly. My children have their father's sur name, but I have sole guardianship. I could if I could show that we have been informally using my sur name for TWO years apply to change their sur name without his permission, but it is very difficult to do that! I'm in Ireland but I imagine it'd be as hard in the UK. How do you prove you've been using the wrong sur name for two years when to apply to school the sur name has to match the child's pps number? we have a medical card so again, the pps number has to match the child's name! I just don't know how you would really do it. What correspondence does a child get???

I'd like to hear if people have managed it though. come and share........?? i think it's too late for me now, my children would look at me like I was nuts but if i'd done it 3-5 years ago... :-/

Original poster

Camelsshouldnteatcrisps · 21/09/2012 12:42

Thanks for the comments, interesting your DC's are somtimes know informally as your surname LizLemon. I will change mine and see what happens with the DC's over time.

Yes I did change my name to the surname of a man that I didn't marry, not that strange imo as I was divorced and didn't want to have my ex husbands name on the birth certificate of DC1. We decided (probably in a hormone fuelled flurry on my part) to all have the same surname since we were a nice little family at that point. Obviously with the benefit of hindsight I would have changed to my maiden name.

OP posts:

NicknameTaken · 21/09/2012 13:49

As penny said, you can only change your dc's surname if their father consents (assuming he has parental responsibility). They can decide to change their surname themselves when they turn 16. Othewise you'll have to go to court to get consent to changing their names.

LizLemon007 · 21/09/2012 13:56

Camel, I think that is because people often don't KNOW what their sur name is.

Totally understand now why you changed your name by deed poll. Would indeed have been inappropriate for you children to have had your x husband's sur name.

Original poster

Camelsshouldnteatcrisps · 21/09/2012 15:57

I see, yes, I guess if you were introduced as Ms Lemon (I assume you can't go back to being a Miss?) then people may assume that your DC's sur name is Lemon also...that would be a better way for me to work it, that way I don't have to discuss a formal name change with ex-p.

OP posts:

LizLemon007 · 21/09/2012 18:23

I wouldn't want to be Miss now as I am in my 40s with two children. I know some women don't like Ms but I feel it's the most appropriate in my case. Miss Lemon! lol. no that wouldn't be right for me now. pre kids, in my late 20s, of course. but not now

Original poster

Camelsshouldnteatcrisps · 21/09/2012 19:28

True... It annoys me that woman have to change their title anyway, a man could be married 10 times and remain a Mr from start to finish!

Ms I think it will be for me too. Facebook first (that makes it official obv !) then the rest to follow.

OP posts:

LizLemon007 · 21/09/2012 21:13

Yes, and people want help pigeon-holing a woman. Miss = young and let's hope pretty and single, Mrs = respectable, Ms = omg, a bit of a feminist ye gads.

crackcrackcrak · 21/09/2012 23:00

I've just has the forms for deed poll. I'm going back to my maiden name no question about it. The dd's will keep exh name I have no issue with that and don't intend to change it. I never use my married name at work anyway so it's not a huge thing to change everything back. I echo another poster about not wanting to be associated with ex in laws either- they are not the worst ever people but they arnt mine. I'm happier having the same name as my mum

missymayhemsmum · 21/09/2012 23:01

I changed mine back years after the divorce when I moved jobs and home- so that everyone now knows me by my own name. Before it would have been too much hassle. I then went and became a single parent house all over again! Recently found myself explaining to my littlest dd that there are three surnames in our house because she has her daddy's surname, her brother and sister have their daddy's surname, and I have my daady's surname. Simple! Confuses teachers tho, poor dabs.

peppapigpants · 22/09/2012 12:25

I still get called Mrs Ex at parents' evening, I normally don't bother to correct them. There are three surnames in our household too, mine (maiden name), DC (their dad's) and DP's.

It will be fun when 'mother's maiden name' is used for security questions when my DC are older...they can say 'It's the name she uses now!' Not exactly top secret...

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