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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

do you want a real laugh (rude if offended do not read)

25 replies

omfgkillmenow · 21/08/2012 00:47

I have a vibrator from ann summers, it has a shaft with an anal and clit stimulator either side...My dd(8) was raking in my drawer and found it! She was like what this/ Im like oh its just a baby cactus toy i was going to throw that out...NO NO she says, I like cactuses!! I just swiped it away using the old jammie dodger distraction method....OMG how embarrasing!!

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 21/08/2012 00:49

Buy a box with a padlock woman, FGS!

Original poster

omfgkillmenow · 21/08/2012 00:52

i moved it to top shelf...what an arse am I,,,,best think is i canny even use it as allergic to latex!!!!

OP posts:

ItsAPileOfBalls · 21/08/2012 00:55

Dontcha just love the wee ones!

LeslieKnope · 21/08/2012 01:01

I have this

DD (then 3) found it after I'd dropped it under our bed. When asked what it was DP piped up "Mummy's orange roller". I wear rollers.

A few weeks ago I was in the shower and heard DD shrieking half in terror half in delight.

She had found it again, turned it on and dropped it on the floor and was running around the hall shouting "Mummy! Your orange roller is chasing me!!!" as it hopped about after her

Toys are now buried in the garden Trevor Jordache style.

acrunchieandacupoftea · 21/08/2012 01:01

hee hee.

amstronger · 21/08/2012 08:17

lol.I was cleaning mine in the bathroom,didn't locked door and DD(3) walked on me,tried to hide it but wasn't quick enough,she asked "what's that mummy, can I have a look"

fuzzpig · 21/08/2012 08:35

Hahaha. I normally keep mine hidden on a high shelf but had forgotten to put it back after use one night so it was resting on my sock drawer... Obviously being bright pink DD was drawn to it and asked why I had a toy bunny rabbit!

MrsTomHardy · 21/08/2012 08:44

Years ago my young kids found mine and I told them it was a massager.

A few weeks ago I went to an Ann Summers party and brought home a catalogue.

I went to make a cup of tea and my 2 ds (10 and 13) came out into the kitchen holding the catalogue open stating "you told us it was a massager"!!!!!
"why have you got a vibrator????"

How can I answer that!!

PedanticPanda · 21/08/2012 08:46

When my sister was young (about 7) she overheard my mother mention her vibrator so asked what it was, she replied that it was the bit of exercise equipment under the bed. They hand one of those things where you'd stand on the bottom and pull handles attached to a spring to work your back and arm muscles.

A few weeks later we found out she'd been telling people she sneaks into her mums room and uses her vibrator

fuzzpig · 21/08/2012 08:59

DH used to run some food stalls in gatwick and accidentally kicked an abandoned bag when he pulled the shutters down one evening. Bag started 'whirring'. He phoned the emergency line and somebody came out with one of those electricity detector things, which went off the scale. They ended up with lots of safety officers looking on while one of those robotic mini tank disarming things drove up to it and opened the bag to pull out a nice big vibrator. Poor shamefaced woman had to come [arf] and collect it!

peppapigpants · 21/08/2012 09:26

Could be worse, I had mine confiscated at the airport after our bags were x-rayed (good job it was in DP's bag!)

SPsFanjoSponsoredByFemFresh · 21/08/2012 09:30

When I was younger my mum did Ann Summers parties so had a couple of things hidden in the wardrobe. Me and my brother found two vibrators but obviously didn't have a clue what they were.

Mum was outside talking to the neighbours inviting them round. When they walked in there was me and my brother waving this vibrators around like swords! Mum couldn't find the words as he neighbours pissed their selves laughing.

We made it worse by then putting them on the floor and "racing" them!

fuzzpig · 21/08/2012 10:18

I actually wondered if she'd had it in her carry-on luggage so it didn't have to get x-rayed...

Why did yours get confiscated?! Is it an offensive weapon?

fuzzpig · 21/08/2012 10:19

Or do they all get x-rayed I don't know (not a frequent flyer/never taken vibrator abroad emoticon)

peppapigpants · 21/08/2012 10:30

It was on arrival in Dubai..they DO x-ray all luggage, hand baggage etc. Our activities obviously didn't meet with their approval despite the place being notorious for prostitution.

FannyBazaar · 23/08/2012 21:16

My DS found mine once and was sitting on the bed playing with it, I was mortified and shouted 'put that down, it is not a toy', then chuckled to myself all day about it not being a toy...

He has a habit of fiddling with anything new he sees. I caught him playing with my mooncup in the bathroom after I'd left it on the edge of the bath to dry (did he have it in his mouth?) and was furious so decided to try to explain what it was for to scare him off, really kind of hoping he'd think it was disgusting and never touch it again. He took it all in his stride, think he was 5 or 6 . Did not appear put off at all.

roomoo · 23/08/2012 22:04

I had an experience back last summer while I was in work my then 5yo ds carried mine to his nan and said 'look at mammys gun nan, it does this'
After that event they are put up high.
I was mortified when I came home & she told me
A year later I can have a laugh about it now, seen as she still likes 2 tell the story

timeforathink · 24/09/2012 18:26

I remember my mum visiting and me and my ds5 , ds wanted her hair curly so i told her to go upstairs and get the curlers , i went off to make a cup of tea , came back in the living room to my mum trying to wind ds hair round :), (yep youve guessed it )and even funnier mum had no idea what it was and was trying to turn it on , the cups of tea nearly went everywhere lol, it was all i could do to mumble that doesnt work ill get the other one lol .

gettingeasier · 24/09/2012 18:32

hahahah

like the Fuzzpig one best just the thought of all these earnest security men !!

memphis83 · 24/09/2012 18:41

Years ago my sisters bf was known to be a bit kinky and as a joke I bought her a whip from a facy dress shop. Next thing you know my nephew who was about 3 was
lks in and starts whipping my Dad saying 'Look Grandad, Mummy's cowboy toy' we laughed and my Dad just walked from house in silence, it was never mentioned again

beautyfades · 24/09/2012 20:40

hehe same happend to me.. i said its for massaging..... shame of it tho :(.

TidyGOLDDancer · 24/09/2012 20:45

DP once gave baby DD a cock ring as a teething toy.

In his defence, it was kind of teething ring shaped, and it had never been used, but it still horrified/amused me no end.

Roseformeplease · 24/09/2012 20:48

My daughter interrupted us, mid usage, shouting from her bedroom about being attacked by a giant bee. In our defence, the door was closed and, in fact, it turned out to actually be a wasp.

FannyBazaar · 24/09/2012 21:13

Cock ring teething toy PMSL.

BizarreLoveTriangle · 24/09/2012 21:45

Dd1 was raiding our wardrobe for clothes while my parents were visiting. She asked my dad whether he knew what it was. He told her it was for cleaning the loo. The next day she told me that I should go back to using the normal toilet brush as my pink one doesn't work. Luckily, I hadn't used it that night!

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