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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How do I tell my dd nicely but honestly that her father isn't interested in seeing her ...........................

75 replies

mandymoomoo · 04/03/2006 08:12

My ex P walked out three years ago on xmas eve and to be frank I was relieved as I suffered from alot of violence from him. My dd was then 3 so is now 6 and she has just realised that she is the only child in her class who doesn't actually see her dad. When he first went I suggested he get in touch with the local contact centre as I didn't feel safe in the same room but he was worried the CSA would find him for his other children.
Nowadays it is not unusual for parents to be living apart but I think most children see the absent parent in some shape or form.
My ex hasn't contributed financially in any way since he left and has not even sent her a birthday or christmas card let alone any presents.
I want to be honest with her but I really don't want her thinking it is her fault, she asked last week and I just managed to mumble something like " well, we have our special time together and you get to see Uncle1 and Uncle2 and Grandpa"
although they live 100 miles away when I wanted really to scream "god the git he only lives a mile away but the pub is far too important to him"
He also has three other children by two different mothers, 14, 8, 5 and although I know he doesn't see the 14 year old am not sure about the other two. None of his family are interested either which to be honest I am thankful of.
Sorry it is such a long post, has anyone else had experience of this ?

OP posts:

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 18:54

sorry if I have confused anyone I also use cheltenhamgal(mandymoomoo)to be honest I was so relieved when he walked out on xmas eve straight into the arms of another(not his ex) and have been much happier ever since. At least I don't have to worry about all the lies and deceipt, and wondering what sort of mood he will come home from the pub in(total and utter drunkard)every night.

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 18:54

do you know what? they really make me sick. My ex makes me feel physically sick. He is such a bloody arse. I can't believe what he's done. I am so, so angry - although I know I really shouldn't waste any more of my mental energy on him/her/them - it's impossible to forget about.
How can you when you have a child by them??

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 18:55

can I be nosy hmof2 ? are you still with the guy(of the sibling who was con while you were pg)

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 18:55

can I be nosy hmof2 ? are you still with the guy(of the sibling who was con while you were pg)

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 19:10

No, he lives with sibling & soon to be second sibling. I am so for dd

Nightynight · 06/03/2006 19:18

mandy, are you in touch with your dd's sisters and brothers and their mums?

siblings are v important, and they presumably have got their absent dad in common, so she'll know its not just her.

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:19

sad for your dd ?

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:20

no I don't have a number or even know where the ex lives. She has my number but hasn't bothered for a couple of years in contacting us

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:22

I am not really looking forward to trying to explain it all when my dd is in her teens ! well actually hun XP was a drunk who couldn't keep his willy in his trousers hence you have a bro only four mths younger than you :)

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:23

a couple of years ago I sent a xmas card to the older bro's mum with a pic of dd in and they never even bothered to reply so I think I have done all I can at present

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 19:27

sad for dd as he walked out when she was 15wks and only contacted me last November to say he would like to see her regularly. He has only seen her twice since then and I have since found out it is all being done behind his gf's back.

He is a spineless, little weasel

I was with him 9 years and thought I knew him. I'm just glad I'm in my position and not his gf's as he's shown how weak he really is. I wouldn't want my children growing up with that as their role model.

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:35

god these guys are git's aren't they. Does your dd ask about her dad much or is she still a little young. When my XP first moved out I had to move my dd's bed into my room for the first 3 mths as she was having nightmares every night. They just never see the upset they cause do they. DD was 3 when he walked so couldn't really remember much except she still goes on about the time he attacked me in front of her outside the house and the police were called. I think what we have to remember is that we love our dd's with all our heart and the only one losing out is the dad. I am still very angry with XP and just don't know when that anger will go

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:36

hmof2 have you got a partner now ?

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 19:39

No! and don't want one

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:43

no I havent either although I have had the odd date from online dating but they have never really gone on to anything. I only decided to do that cos I realised that the only guys I was coming into day-day contact with were the bus drivers :o

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:44

sounds like we could alot in common, so if you ever fancy a chat [email protected] :)

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 19:44

lol I know exactly what you mean!

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 19:45

x posts, thanks will email you

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:47

ok off to watch eastenders xx

cori · 06/03/2006 19:49

I dont have any advice to give you but I grew up with out my father around. I can count the number of times I have met him in my life. I think when I was young my mother told me she didnt know where he was living. She never talked much about him but I must have picked up other peoples views of him jsut not being a very nice man. I also never recieved any birthday cards etc from him. It did upset me for a while, not majorly though. I am over it now. You cant hide it from your daughter, if the relationship was that bad she has a right to know that her mother was strong enoough to break away from it. I dont think it will harm her to know that 'he was nasty to or hurt mummy' (obviously dont give her details

cheltenhamgal · 06/03/2006 19:50

thanks for your comment cori, and i do believe in being honest with her so fingers crossed. now I really am off to watch eastenders !

Kiwiana · 08/03/2006 13:59

My middle daughter has never seen her father, and as I have always been honest with her about where she is from etc, she has become a very well balanced 13 year old young lady. She now has his number on her phone. As he lives overseas he doesn't get to visit... long story! But I gave her his mobile number if she ever wanted to contact him. He sends texts randomly.
I was angry with him for a long time, but ultimately it is his loss!

cheltenhamgal · 08/03/2006 18:58

I know its their loss kiwiana but when do you stop being angry with them. I dont think it helps that I know he is in the pub every night and weekend, doesnt give me a penny. Whereas I havent been out since New Year Eve and am in the process of being made bankrupt

Kiwiana · 12/04/2006 21:19

I am sorry to hear that... that really sux big time. I don't know when you ever stop feeling angry to be honest with you.
I am still angry with my girls dad!
It is always us who get left to pick up the pieces and take the brunt of it all. We get the best and the worst of it I guess.
Good luck ... I hope you manage to get sorted in time

Kiwiana · 12/04/2006 21:19

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