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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Things that are hard that you didn't realise would be or didn't think of?

26 replies

ScaryFairy28 · 10/10/2011 20:23

I know lots of things are hard when your on your own but what little random or funny things did you not think of?

I'm only asking cos I decided to get in the bath tonight with DD 5months lots of bubbles lots of fun but then when I tried to get out I realised we were stuck couldn't get her to the floor couldn't leave her in the bath herself! Eventually had to empty bath with us in it and leave her wriggling about in the bottom of the bath till I got out 2 weeks ago I'd just have shouted on XP.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Meglet · 10/10/2011 20:43

Teaching the DC's to ride bikes / swim.

It's proved impossible to teach DS to ride a bike as I have to keep an eye on DD at the same time and she's a bolter. Poor kid is almost 5 and still has stabilisers, I know he'd be fine if I was able to spend 1-to-1 time with him practising.

Same for swimming. DS does go to lessons but he needs 1-to-1 time with me to learn properly. I've taken them swimming on their own before but it's more for water confidence, we've certainly not been able to practise any strokes!

I'll probably take the 'throw money at the problem' approach in a few months and get him some private swimming lessons.

TBH I find everything a PITA as a LP .

fluffythevampirestabber · 10/10/2011 20:53

This is really irritating.

Getting the car serviced. When I was married we could car share, now I'm on my own I've no spare car iyswim and with getting to uni it's a bitch to organise.

And I know in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal it's only a couple of days but you know what it's annoying.

Plus, when you drop the car off, what then? Taxi home?

TastyMuffins · 10/10/2011 21:25

Going to restaurants with DC and having to decide whether to leave DC at the table to go to the toilet or drag DC with me and leave a coat behind to mark our table. Going somewhere that you have to chose a table then go to the counter to order also a PITA, leave DC at the table with salt and pepper to play with or take with you?

Travelling Ryan Air and having joint hand luggage allowance of 20kg but having to put it in two bags when only one of us is doing the carrying!

Trying to supervise homework/bath time and cook tea at the same time every night.

For the bath thing with baby, put the car seat on the floor beside the bath with baby's towel on it, put baby in that.

bananaistheanswer · 10/10/2011 21:28

Probably shifting heavy furniture. I was swapping bedrooms with DD about a year ago, and to do that I had to move my bed to make room for DD's new bed coming. My bed had been built up in the room, so never needed to be shifted before. I took it down to the bear bones, and I still couldn't move it. Made me feel like such a feeble woman. I'd also had a problem putting my bed up when it had been delivered originally. When I ordered it, I asked if it came built up, or in bits, so I could decide which one to order. Was told it took 2 large screws and slotted all together (seemed do-able). When it arrived, it came in 5 different boxes, millions of screws and was a 2 person job with an electric screw driver to boot. I spent a week on the phone complaining, and eventually the store sent someone out to assemble it. It took about 20 minutes, but I would have been at it for days.

I have also had my eye on a desk/book case combo thing from IKEA for DD's room, and went along intending to purchase it, bring it home and assemble it. The bloody thing takes 2 people to lift it as well so it's been sitting in IKEA waiting for me to buy it for almost a year. Trying to get someone else to help me has been a nightmare for almost a year so I've just about given up. I hate, hate, HATE not being able to just do stuff myself.

Meglet · 10/10/2011 21:38

tasyy yes! The restaurant / toilet trip thing is a nightmare. Wagamama cleared our table once even though I'd left our coats at the table .

Since then I've told them to seat us near the loos so DS can go on his own. I just try not to drink too much as I don't want to leave both the DC's (4.11 and 3) at the table on their own.

horMOANSnomore · 10/10/2011 21:43

I'm trying to keep a sense of humour but don't really find much funny about being on my own.

Decorating & DIY - thought it would be easy but I just don't enjoy doing it and have ended up paying a small fortune to have a room painted and papered.

Gardening - I manage the small jobs but wish I had more muscle for the bigger ones.

Getting rid of big spiders - hate it!

ScapeGoat · 11/10/2011 13:21

Banana - if you have the money, Ikea deliver AND assemble furniture

Booooooyhoo · 11/10/2011 13:26

i find the hyper times hard. when they decide to go mad half an hour before bedtime and it would be great to have a 2nd set of hands to grab one child while i grab the other and get them settled.

i also get really resentful of not being able to see friends in the evening for half an hour or over the weekend unless DC are at contact (every other sat for 4 hours).

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 11/10/2011 13:36

Not being able to drop dc off for delivery with an adult then meet other adult at pick-up point, e.g.drama club in busy town centre with no stopping - means I have to park car with children, pay for parking and walk back to destination. We have to leave 20 minutes early for this. Same for picking up.
It's ok with dd (11) as she can go in by herself, but not ds (6).
As my dh was never much use with childcare, helping with bedtimes or anything else of that ilk, I don't usually miss him. I haven't actually tackled the lawn yet, but I'm sure it's time rather than skill that will be the problem!

putyourrighthandin · 11/10/2011 14:24

Not being able to pop out to the shop for something you have forgotten once the dc are in bed. Plus it is impossible to jump out of the car and grab a bottle of milk etc. quickly when you have 2 dc under 3. Petrol station shops are the only option for this when driving but that is often not ideal if the shop is busy and you are stressing about how long the dc have been alone in the car for.

horMOANSnomore - Lakeland sell a spider catcher that is like a mini vacuum cleaner and doesn't harm the spider. It is a bit pricey but worth every penny for catching spiders without having to get too close to them. I couldn't be without mine.

Booooooyhoo · 11/10/2011 14:32

i never had this so not sure that it's possible to 'miss' but i hate not having the other parent of my children to talk about my children with. i see my parents twice a week and i am on MN most nights but none of these people are the parent of my children like i am, none of them know them like i do (like the other parent would if living with us) and sometimes i really miss not having that person to talk to about our children.

privatename · 11/10/2011 14:52

only thing that's difficult for me is doing up the catch on my necklace,my nails are too long and the catch is tiny,apart from that....nothing,life is sweet

AmIthatbad · 11/10/2011 15:12

Well I have just been in for a minor operation, but what a logistical nightmare that was. I had to have a responsible adult stay with me and take me home - not the kind of thing you can ask working friends. But worse, I wasn't allowed to be alone for the following 24 hours!!! And that meant I wasn't allowed to be responsible for DD for those 24 hours. Thank god for my parents.

Apart from that, I agree with the little things, like the jewellery and the doing up dress zips on the rare occasions I have gone out.

And even minor ailments like colds and upset stomachs - not for me - I can never be ill

horMOANSnomore · 11/10/2011 19:52

putyourrighthandin - thanks for the info about the spider catcher but I have to confess that my hatred is such for those awful creatures that I prefer to make sure they're absolutely D.E.A.D. I just prefer someone else to do it

Booooooyhoo - I know just what you mean. It's sad and frustrating not to have someone to share your DCs progress with.

PaigeThumbScrewTurner · 11/10/2011 20:00

Just not being able to do anything like have dental treatment (no babies allowed in treatment room). I had to stop counselling because having DS in the room was so distracting the sessions were useless.

Ho hum.

Meglet · 11/10/2011 20:07

(I'm on a roll now).

Not being able to have my dinner cooking while doing the DC's bath / bed / storytime as obviously the house will burn down if I'm not watching the stove . It's nigh on impossible to keep dashing up and down the stairs while getting them ready for bed.

As a result I have to start my dinner once they're in bed and by that point I'm famished. Sometimes I just think 'to hell with it' and get ready meals for a few days so I'm not fannying about in the kitchen when I'm shattered after work and dealing with the kids.

girliefriend · 11/10/2011 20:18

I miss having the back up so when I am telling dd to do something it would be really handy to have someone there to say 'do as your mother tells you!'

Feeling guilty alllllllllll the time (but think thats probably a working parent thing not just a single parent think

Deeelightful · 11/10/2011 21:08

gaahh i just wrote a long old post and somehow didnt post it!

I also get that feeling Booooooyhoo Its crap! Assuming it must be normal tho if its not just me that feels like it

AmIthatbad Hope your feeling better now

And OP i used to line the moses basket with a towel laid out over it next to the bath(had a stand) and lay ds in it before getting in or out of the bath, i miss them baths now days i just get kicked in the bits!

Deeelightful · 11/10/2011 21:13

ooo Meglet thats a good one, I have a friend coming round for dinner on friday and she said 'i'll be round for 5' ... I cant remember the last time i had dinner before 7.30 and she seemed put out when i said so!

TastyMuffins · 11/10/2011 23:52

putyourrighthandin look into milkmen and see if one delivers in your area, this is a godsend and one thing I never run out of (despite not drinking it myself).

paige I've had DS in treatment room with me for just about every dental appointment I've had over the last 6 years - no problems. When small he sat on my lap, even when I had fillings, now sits on a chair in the room (PITA when he decided to play with my feet once while I was having something tricky done).

PaigeThumbScrewTurner · 12/10/2011 12:16

Wow, I don't think I could have a root canal
with DS on my lap! Props to you for managing to keep still

notevenamOoOooOoooosie · 13/10/2011 14:46

I've had a smear with DD on my tummy and fillings with her on my knee. Boooo agree with no second adult, and I don't have my parents, sometimes you just want to run the smallest of things past someone.
It is loads easier on the exhaustion front now she is at school but emotionally, not so much. Also, someone else to go to eg. class assemblies, as I just can't take time off for everything.

akaemwahahahafrost · 13/10/2011 14:54

Not much really, I was used to it as ex was useless even when he was around. Things like hairdressers, opticians, doctors and dental appointments were difficult, easier now though as ex sees kids regularly and soon they will both be in school so can schedule that stuff in school hours.

slavetomyson · 18/10/2011 20:36

Don't find general childcare that difficult as my ex wasn't around much to help anyway, but general stuff like taking car for MOT, being able to go to work hassle free without childcare worries, being certain that i'd be a homeowner, various DIY jobs including using a drill, and lifting heavy furniture, or if the computor goes wrong are my main issues. But's lets face it anybody could help me out with these things if I asked the right people, as the Ex didn't excel at doing anything at all. Don't miss him in the slightest I hated even the way he breathed in the end!!

Mavend · 20/10/2011 22:01

Oh god the last 16 months have been an eyeopener since dps death.

Juggling work and childcare
Parent evenings
Getting them both to bed when they are both tired and grumpy.
Splitting myself in two to try and give them both equal attention
DIY kind of stuff
Someone to share the load with emotionally...if ive had a bad day there is just me,no one to share with
The hardest is watching other parents doing stuff together,happy families!
Being poorly and having to keep going
Dealing with dds increasingly complex needs (she has SLD)

Its pants,really.

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