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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

My friends are having their 2nd babies and I'm not [sad]

20 replies

LeoTheLateBloomer · 04/10/2011 16:37

Sorry. Rather self-indulgent thread.

When I was pg with DD 2 years ago three old school friends were also pg. It was great sharing our first pregnancies together and we relied on each other a lot during the first months of motherhood.

Anyway, I split with stbxh in April and now my friends are all pg with their DC2s.

Obviously I'm really happy for them but I keep thinking about the fact that it should be me too. Not in the marriage as it was, but I'm so sad it was all so crap that I now can't have that neat little family unit.

Sorry. Ignore me. Just needed to get it off my chest. Feel slightly better now.

OP posts:

Meglet · 04/10/2011 16:42

. It's not self-indulgent. When you're surrounded by people having babies it's easy to feel left out.

You've not long been single so you're bound to be feeling raw (((hugs))).

FWIW I'm single and have had a hysterectomy, 2 pesky (but adorable DC's) and still get broody.

Original poster

LeoTheLateBloomer · 04/10/2011 17:34

Thanks Meglet.

Broodiness is rubbish isn't it?!

OP posts:

pyjamasinbananas · 04/10/2011 17:35

Also broody to the point where I considered leaving DP to find someone who wanted another baby

Oh fuck I'm a horrible person!!

Original poster

LeoTheLateBloomer · 04/10/2011 19:04

I've posted on your broody thread Pyjamas! I held back from saying anything about how wonderful DD is and how I wouldn't change her for the world!

I'm so lucky to have her and I actually love being a single mum to her. But it's not what I always hoped for and that's what makes me sad.

I often wonder if I'll ever get the chance to feel a baby moving around inside me or breastfeed again. People keep telling me I'm young (32) and there's plenty of time but I live in South Devon; there's really not much going on down here! (In fact my cousin moved away from here in the hope that there might be eligible single men elsewhere in the country!!)

OP posts:

pyjamasinbananas · 04/10/2011 19:07

I'm 22 and find it hard to accept that that's it forever! I dont want one now I want to finish my degree and that I'd just like to know it will happen in the future!

MissPricklePants · 04/10/2011 19:11

I feel the same!dd is 2.4 years and lots of my friends with dc the same age have either had another or are expecting!i am v broody but no partner and dont think i will meet anybody for ages!been single over 2 years and not met anyone.

galleywench100 · 04/10/2011 20:10

I feel your pain, i have a little boy aged 5, split from exh 2 years ago, met my bloke soon after, he is 13 yrs older doesnt want anymore kids, he has 2 grown up from previous marriage.... all my friends seem to be pregnant :(. misserable...

Ladylou83 · 04/10/2011 22:28

Im with you here. My H left me 2 weeks ago, and whilst im glad the cheat has gone, im devastated that all my friends are ttc. This was the time that H and I agreed to ttc. I feel selfish as I want to be happy for them, but at the moment I just feel hurt and sad

squareheadcut · 04/10/2011 22:58

feeling for you and it makes perfect sense that you should be feeling sad as you see your friends having kids around you - it's hard but you never can know what's around the corner even if there hasn't been much going on for a while so let's just hope that we can all meet someone and have more kids soon!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 05/10/2011 13:43

I'm exactly the same OP. Most of my friends have two kids, another one just had her second recently. Someone I used to work with has just announced she's pregnant with her second (despite the fact that just before she got pg with the first, she confided in me that she was planning on leaving her DH ). Numerous mums at DS's school are either pg or just had another. Sometimes I look around at people having nice relationships and more kids, then I look at myself and think 'wtf is wrong with me?!'.

DS is 5 and I've been single almost 6 years (you do the maths ). I'm 39 so time is running out, plus I'm on medication that I can't get pg on so CANNOT get pregnant without a lot of planning and changing medication. All that means I've more or less resigned myself to never having any more children. That makes me very ).

Issy42 · 07/10/2011 00:48

Me too. Had my first child by sperm donor because at 37 time was ticking, but can't afford to do that again and also don't think I'd cope with two on my own. Lots of people now having second and I turned 40 this year so resigned to no more. Very happy for my friends but back to grieving for the life that I thought I would have that didn't work out with added guilt of no sibling for DD.

ScaredKittyWitchyKitty · 07/10/2011 12:44

I feel your pain Issy42.

KatharineClifton · 08/10/2011 13:38

I've never found a good way to get past the broodiness, but time marches on and I'm not 38 so now resigned I won't be having any more children.

KatharineClifton · 08/10/2011 13:38

*now 38 (not was perhaps wishful thinking!)

girliefriend · 11/10/2011 20:31

I'm with you as well, infact I've got a few friends who are now on there 3rd baby!! Feel sad that dd hasn't got a family unit (no dad and no siblings )

Not making much progress on finding a fabulous man...........!

19111990 · 11/10/2011 20:47

I am nearly 21 had my Daughter when i was 18, 3 of my friends was pregnant same time as me. I was first to have my Daughter and now all my friends that was pregnant the same time has me have just babies (one being my niece, as her Mother got with my brother).

It does make me broody but i am far too young for more children and i love just having the one. Hopefully when i am older i will have more because i love being a mummy :o

Me and My DD father broke up when i found out i was pregnant and i also thought it would be hard looking for someone new but its not.

Hope everyone finds someone worth their time and have their new babies :o

lizzie83 · 11/10/2011 20:57

i too am extremely broody so it is good to see i am not the only one. i have a nearly three year old and had him at the same time as a few friends who are ALL on their second pregnancy or baby. i am still with my partner but he doesn't want anymore. i can't help feeling resentful and know i shouldn't and should respect his feelings but it is getting increasingly difficult. Any tips or advice would be much appreciated.

ciderwithrosie1 · 13/10/2011 22:43

I'm so pleased you started this topic - it's a relief that I'm not the only one. I'm 39 next month and have a 3 year old son. I absolutely adore him and always intended to have at least 2 or 3 children because I had such a great childhood with my 2 brothers. My ex-husband had an affair and left me 2 years ago and it's virtually impossible to meet someone new in these circs let alone have a child with them. Does anyone else get gripped by the fear that something awful might happen to their only child? I wouldn't have anything to live for if I lost my boy. I know it's a bit hysterical/irrational but it terrifies me. All of my old antenatal group have had at least one more child now. I feel such an oddball in society these days, yet not long ago, I was happily married with a bouncing baby and a long, happy family life ahead of me.

itshappenedagain · 15/10/2011 21:36

hello all! just read your post leo and feel i posted something similar when Ds was about 11 months and i was going to back to uni. well here we are 4 years on i now have a 17month old DD as well as a 5 yr old DS , completed my degree and am in relatively the same situation with 2 children. didnt think this would ever be me, DD was conceived after 1 nite with a friend i had known for nearly 10 years. I feel your pain, but now have the added drama of carting 2 of them around to all the weddings of friends to add to it! dont rule out that you will always have one...although i do yearn for lovely family unit. [hblush]
and whoever it was that said they worry about something happeneing i do all the time, i would consider dating but worry about someone hurting my kids or not loving them the same as i do and therefore ending up back at square one. well im hopefull that i will eventually find the person i am destine to be with forever lets just hope hes not a total dickhead because i think i would prefer that! [hgrin]

WhoWhoWhoWho · 17/10/2011 13:57

Interesting and reassuring to read this thread and see that other's feel the same things I do.

DS has just turned 7 and whilst I'm mostly happy with our situation (split from his dad a few years ago), I do feel sad he doesn't have a typical family unit with annoying siblings and a man about the house. To add to things though in my case, DS has autism (he's still in pull ups and doesn't sleep well) and I suffer from hyperemesis when pregnant so these factors have to be considered too. TBH I don't think I'm in the right 'place' for a relationship but I'm very broody, and a little envious of others with nice partners and a brood of kids!

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