absent father - what do I tell my daughter?

[lottiemamma]

I have been a single mum since the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 2 and a half. her dad did come to visit for a couple of hours a week when she was 2 months old but he lost interest after a couple of months and it has been 2 years since I have heard anything from him, we have no contact at all. The problem I've got is what do I tell my daughter when she asks about him? I don't want her to feel rejected by him, how can I tell her about him in a positive way? any advice?

don't want to leave this unanswered but have no exp or expertese...bumped...i hope someone can help :) x

I did not have contact with my dd's father initially. I was dreading the day when the question would come! We were watching postman pat - when she asked....'why don't I have a daddy?' I gave her a big hug and just said all families come in different shapes and sizes - some families have just a mummy, some have just a daddy - I had a few examples of families of people we know where the family was not your typical nuclear set up and she was fine with the explanation. Thankfully we were able to reunite with her father - maybe her dad will turn up again?

Don't lie, be factual but age appropriate with the information, you need to be able to build up on to that information as she grows up and asks more detailed questions.

Saying that all families are different and that she has one in you who loves her very much is enough

i just told my daughter who stopped seeing her when she was young that he wasnt a bad bloke but just immature and just wasnt ready settle down.worked for me my daughter is now 19 and very grounded and has no urge to go find her dad.

Hello i've been single since pregnancy as well and my dd is now 5yo. I have struggled to know what to tell my dd as like you I didn't want her to feel rejected, I bought a book off amazon called 'do I have a daddy?' and also a book by todd someone called I think the family book. Both are quite useful as a starting point to talk about it. I read somewhere that it is something that as a mum you have to initiate talking about as the child is unlikely to as they won't know how to broach the subject and I have found that to be the case. I also think that its important to try and be honest as possible and another piece of advice I was given was to try and give as much info as poss so that nothing comes as a big shock or surprise later on iyswim?!

It is not easy though and funnily enough last night she wanted to read the family book at bedtime and we talked a bit about her daddy (who she has never met). She wanted to know if he had been there when she was a baby and I told her no and that he didn't want to be a daddy and it is sad. However she has got a mummy that wanted her very much and was very happy when she found out she was having a baby (which is true ) and also a nanny and a grandad and uncles etc that all love her very much. She wanted to know what he looked like and I am debating whether or not to show her a photo as I have one, am still thinking on that one!

I think she sometimes feels like the only one who doesn't have a daddy but actually there are other single parent families in her class and also one of her friends has gay parents which actually quite useful in showing her different families. Have you looked into any of the single parent holidays as I also found them useful for showing my dd that there are other children who don't see much of their dads.

Sorry seem to have gone on rather a lot!!!

thanks for that everybody and especially to girliefriend I will have a look for those 2 books xx