Single parents all tarred with the same brush ?

[roseyposeysmum]

Met a very nice lady yesturday with an awful lot to say about single parents.

I work in a pub at the weekends and she came in while my dd was being picked up by her dad to do the swap over, she launched into a rant about single parents being lazy not working, they should stay together for the sake of the kids etc.

As she drew breath i very sweetly informed her that actually she had caught me on a day where i was working my 2nd job to make up the 60 hours plus i work a week to keep my dd with a roof over her head, and in clothes etc. And that when i wasn't at work i was looking after my dd because her dad can't be bothered. This equals 7 days a week of work plus a 3 year old.

But it made me wonder why we get this stick ? I work damn hard to make sure dd does not go without yet still get eyes rolled at me etc when i say i am a single parent. In my eyes i do double the work :)

I then told her i loved being a single parent as the relationship i have with my dd is a very close one and she is a real mummy's girl because i put in a lot of hard work and effort.

She still rolled her eyes though.

Anybody else come across this ?

Woolly, I couldn't quite decide who's side the article was on. It felt a bit incincere to me... I don't know why. But it's true- we're scapegoats. An easy target. I'm fed up with working my arse off to set a good example to DS (who I never see because I'm always at work ) to earn enough that don't rely on benefits, Only to be told repeatedly that the sorry state of society is my fault.

Oh yes, then i read that working mothers are selfish & should stay put their children first...

Perhaps I am a bit too sensitive

Which brings the question why there are so many single parents??? I think the reason is very simple. Nowadays women work, they are better educated and they are more independent.

They are in a better position than women in older generations to up sticks and leave and provide better for their children if they (and their children) are unhappy/abused/ignored/etc.

Society is not breaking because there are so many single parents, we are a by product of society moving forward.

Have been busy and no time for MN this weekend so was rather upset to read a couple of posts after mine last week having a pop at me. Thanks everyone. All I was trying to convey was that personally I don't feel hardly any stigma being a single parent and am proud that I am. Luckily I live in an age where it is possible for a women to leave a bad relationship and manage on her own with her child/ren - it wasn't so long ago that this wasn't the case.

And my comments regarding my not blaming the government for my situation seem to have caused some bitterness. I did read the Gingerbread statistics before my post and was surprised and encouraged at the figures there. I think the media has a lot to answer for in how it demonises single parents too, not just this government. That said, we here on this board are a strong and wise lot of single parents, whose advice I very much appreciate at times, even if our political bias differs.

I wasn't 'taking a pop at you'. I was questioning what you meant. It was ambiguous. Obviously the government to bear blame for the policies they make (which penalise single parents) and the government are responsible for endorsing a casual contempt for single parents.

I don't imagine many single parents will vote for DC at the next election.

TwoIfbySea problem is, people rarely say these things to your face! but yeah, I have on occasion had to nip a judger in the bud by saying in a faux cheery voice "had no choice but to be a single mother when he started hitting me really didn't I?!!"....

\link{http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/aug/20/jamelia-single-parents\another great article about single mothers from Saturday's Guardian,} about Jamelia (it was in the Family section, I've only just got to that - the Saturday paper lasts me a whole week as a rule )

'No woman has an ambition to become a single mother. For me, it was never a choice.'
'I grew up without my dad being involved with my upbringing, without a father figure of any sort. Had I had one, my choices of partner would have been better'
'Absent fathers, she believes, are the reason many teenage boys go off the rails ? there's no strong male to keep them on track'
'The hardest thing about being a single parent is being alone, having everything on your back.'

Presumably absent fathers don't get demonised in the same way because they're effectively invisible - not there to be pointed at

Yeah, that's so true. Have said before, if david cameron bumped into my x on the badminton court or somewhere he'd think he was a fine upstanding citizen and tax payer. The truth is he was an abusive partner and is now a deadbeat dad. but.............. he has a good job and wears a suit.