Your thoughts please!

[saff1978]

Hi,

I've just joined Mumsnet as I would like to get peoples thoughts on a website I want to set up...I'd like to hear from people on here who chose to be a single parent.

I myself was in a unhappy relationship and decided that being a single parent was better than being unhappy and so asked my husband to leave.

Is this the case for any of you out there or do you know of people who have chosen to do the same?

For those of you who did do this, did you get much support from friends and family?

Also did you get support from other organisations?

Do you know of any websites dedicated to helping you with making this very difficult decision?

I'd like to make it clear that I'm not encouraging people to leave their partners or ask their partners to leave if that's not what they really want, however I know that when I was in this situation I had very little support or help and it would have been so good to have somewhere to turn to telling me my options once I made the decision, or even helping decide if it was what I really wanted to do.

I haven't looked back since making this decision and now run my own business from home and know that it was 100% the right thing to do, but I've had to do everything on my own...its a good job I'm a good Googler! Without wanting to sound big headed I'm also relatively intelligent so was able to find out the answers to the questions I had but I realise not everyone is web savvy or maybe even has the confidence to pick up the phone and call the tax credits helpline or their local council.

I have also had a few friends be in a similar situation to me who have come to me for advice as they couldn't find it elsewhere so I do believe there is a gap in the market for this sort of support website.

I look forward to reading your responses.

Thanks

Saff

Hiya,

Yes, I decided to end my marriage and, yes, i've not looked back since either!

I got the information that I needed from the Lone Parent Advisor at the Job Centre and did a course through NADA (North Somerset Against Dometic Abuse) afterwards however the course was really aimed at women still living in DA situations, that said it did confirm that i'd made the right decision.

Most of my friends and family have been supportive once they realised what my situation was, until I ended the marriage no one knew.

I think you have to sort most things out for yourself, until you leave no one (government agencies) states what exactly you are entitled to and solicitors also do not give you firm advise until you actually know what you want to do. I found the info and advice I given from professionals fluffy to say the least until I was actually separated.

Hope that helps,

SHA

i think the market of people who leave smply because they are "unhappy" for no particular reason may be quite small - who exactly are you aiming at?

and...will you charge a membership?

There is a general lack of info and support for people who are pregnant and single in general I found. What I would have appreciated is a pregnancy book which didn't talk about 'the happy couple'!

hi, are you also aiming at parents who were the ones that were told to leave, or were left? I was told to leave, with my small baby, luckily i was supported by family and my parents took me in. But the hardest part for us as a family, was having to deal with the father, who was intimidating/threatening etc regarding access to our daughter. We found it extremely difficult knowing what access to give him, therefore, we were pushed into an arrangement we were not at all happy with. Looking back we gave him far too much to such a small baby who had been disrupted so much already. I know we could have got advice from the solicitors, but what with so much else going on regarding the split, we never did, but if there was a website with information and more importantly support, as what the best thing would be to do, or where to go for info that would have been great.

I have a 7 month old baby daughter, and I had to leave her Father when she was 4 days old as he was abusive and I did not want her to be brought up in that sort of enviroment. He does not contribute towards her and has not seen her since, none of his family want any sort of relationship with her either.

I have searched the internet for people in a similar situation and not found any groups out there.

I am also looking at going back to work part time, but finding the Direct Gov website regarding Working Tax Credits very confusing. I do have an appointment at the job centre on Tuesday so I hope they can clear up my confusion there.

I'm a single mom and have been single since pregnancy. Since DS was born, I've had to build myself a social network and find work. I found 'single with kids' a wonderful support network for me and DS. There is probably space for a slightly diff focussed group focussed on pregnant singles. HTH.

Thanks for all the replies...sorry for not getting back sooner...I'm new to this and thought I'd be emailed when I got a reply. :-)

So a general consensus from what I realise is a very small section but a section all the same, is that there is a lack of info out there?

My thoughts are with those who had to leave or were told to leave and involved with abusive relationships but i think there are a lot of probably quite quiet mums, and dads, out there who just aren't happy but because its frowned upon to split up for what appears to be no reason people do just keep their feelings to themselves and continue being uphappy.

I'd love to hear any more views...and will keep you updated with any progress.

Saff
x

Well I'm confused about the 'choosing' thing. I always assumed that was for women who conceived their children consciuosly knowing the father would not be with them as a partner.

I told my ex to leave when he thereatened our safety, but I don't think that was me choosing to be a single parent. it was the safest option.

Just wanted to say it, because I bet the vast majority of women don't 'chose' this option. And that if circumstances force them to do so then that again isn't really a 'choice'.

That said I'm glad he went.

oh and sorry, I think it's a great idea. I found a massive lack of support socially and relied totally on mumsnet for a while. can you do one just for single parents in general?
I was suprised to find so many common themes on mumsnet, to do with ex's and their behaviour and the sort of social and legal brickwalls we face every day.
It would be nice to have a site dedicated to us and to have all the social, emotional, legal and fiscal information there.
For example, all the details of how to find emergency financial help, how to get signed on at the job centre, how to get housing benefit etc.
Also legal help and information
Information on abuse and especially how to deal with an abusive ex
And also information on how to deal with an ex that doesn't want to maintain their children and doesn't wnat to see them very much. That's a grey area.
We could also have a section where we publically name and shame these men so that women setting up homes with them can see who they really are. I bet some blokes would have 3 or 4 women naming and shaming them!!!!! That would be the ultimate justice!!

agree with popalot, i didnt choose to be a single parent, i had to get out ofan abusive and distructive relationship. my ex loves reminding me it was my decision to leave with our 7mo ds, saying i 'wanted to be a single mother' so basically get on with it. who would want to be a single parent? i just didnt want to be disrespected on a daily basis in front of ds