About to become an LP and I'm worried & anxious - advice please

[MaisieMama]

Hi I'm a bit of a newbie so please go easy on me

I'm british but currently live in Canada. My husband has decided he's actually a wanderer at heart and wants to live a different life (i.e. one without me and our 2yr old DD). I'm planning to return to London where I have loads more support & will be happy but I'm terrified about being able to afford life in general.

At the moment I'm a stay at home mum - will that have to change? Am I entitled to benefits? Will I be able to live on them? Will they make me go back to work? On top of all the stress of him leaving and suddenly realising I'm going to be a single mum I'm really freaking out about money.

Anyone have any advice/survival tactics?

Hi there , i am in the exact same situation as yourself at the mo...moving back to uk and equally petrified ! i ve been doing lots of investigating and from what i understand you will have to fill in a 'habitual residancy' form if you try to apply for benefits.. for me its relativelty easy as i returning from eu but canada? not so sure?? theres loads of info on the direct gov website and i have rung the tax office re tax credits and they were very helpful... from what i understand it will take approx 12 weeks for child benefit 20£ pw and as a lone parent should could also get approx 67£pw income support and about 50£pw child tax credits....of course if you have an income or any large amount of savings this would change... if you work more than 16 hrs per week and on a low wage you will get working tax credits and 70% childcare costs paid too which is very helpful i think!
its really hard moving back to uk if you have not lived there for a while , i have to say i am scared too and particulary worried about being able to afford to live especially as i have a loan i have to pay off too but in my situation i reckon its better than being shouted at every day...
i have to say i posted here yest looking for some reassurance and was pretty much told off for 'taking' my ds out of the country his father lives in and was told it was tantamount to abuse !!!!! i think your husband has decided he doesnt want to be with you both so hasnt much choice as to what you do !

i can really relate to your post, i think the main thing is to not panic !:o

Is Mr Wanderer going to contribute at all to his daughters upbringing ?

whre you going to stay when youarrive? friends/family? you cant jsut turn up at airport wiht nothing....as was said could take weeks for benefits etc. london is very expensive to live. how much money will you come with? for a rental ven i fouy then apply for housing benefit you need 6 weeks or two months deposit.

what job can you do?

is there a reason why you could not work (if work available) and put her with childminder/in nursery?

how much money is the father prepapred to send you off with as he goes off on his jaunt?

for rental even if you then apply...

regarding the tax credits , i was told to apply as soon as i was back in the country and they would start the application.. approx 4 weeks... if you are intending to rent you will need deposit and months rent in advance though.. the biggest stumbling block i have come across is now that housing benefit has changed many property agents wont consider a tenant unless they are in full time employment , so private landlords are best bet... you can apply for and get hb and council tax backdated to when you moved in .... you will need to look at the lha rates for the area you moving to also...... phew !! sounds more complicated than it is i think ( hope )!!!!

Maisie, forget about benefits and tax credits for the time being, the important thing if you are going to split from Mr Wanderer is to ensure that if that relationship cannot be fixed, it should end while you are present in your own country.

The reason I'm saying this is because if you split, and you want to come back to the UK with your children, AND he opposes. It would be practically impossible for you to take the children out of Canada without his permission.

practically impossible = loooooong legal process with not many possibilities of success.

Thanks for all your replies.

Montbazens - I can't believe there's someone else in this situation on mumsnet! Its a bit overwhelming isn't it? I have to do the HRT but I've kept up a bank account been back tons of times and may even have a job before I arrive.

To answer the other questions...

Yes Mr Wanderer will be paying child support - approx £300/month.

We're going to stay with friends when we arrive and originally the plan was to live in a flat co-owned by Mr Wanderer and his parents but MIL has decided to be spiteful and has basically freaked out and is refusing to let me live there (even though its what Mr Wanderer wanted & I would have been paying the mortgage & rent on top) so I'm going to have to rent. I was expecting to have to pay a couple months rent as security but is it going to be next to impossible to find somewhere to live without a job?

I have several job leads which I'm currently following up on. I haven't gone back to work here because I had severe PND and mild postnatal psychosis so I've been on disability. I fully intend to work as I want to provide as much as possible for DD but may need some benefits until that all gets up and running.

Mr Wanderer doesn't object to me bringing DD back to the UK and we'll have a written separation agreement that covers everything from custody to visitation & guardianship (need this for Canadian system) so should be safe guarded there.

Anything else I should consider?

Thanks for all the help!

hi maisiemama.. if you are going to be getting some child support as well as tax credits i reckon youll be ok... you wont be having holidays or going to fancy restaurants but will get by !!! my big worry is meeting new people.. i will be leaving my few friends behind and altuough i know a couple of people in new area tis still i worry.... but i am quite isolated here and only see other people /go to town to shop once a week so couldnt get much worse... its the logistics of moving that are wrecking my head a bit....