Positives about lone parenthood.

[MavisEnderby]

I was a bit wobbly last week as it was a year since dp died,but I have been thinking,well yes,it IS hard being a LP but there are also good things and wanted to start a thread about the positive stuff(and lighthearted stuff),for those that have wobbles are newly within the role,so here goes!

Independence
Being able to make all of the decisions
No man pants left festering in the washing basket
Having control of Tv
Being able to mn whenever without censure or eyerolling!
A whole bed to myself to lounge in
No arguements
Doing stuff alone you would never have dreamed of doing when in a relationship
Gaining confidence
Meeting new friends

sure there are more,please feel free to add yours

i love the fact the cuddles are all mine :) i look at my 2 everynight just before i go to bed and smile to myself and think im actually doing a bloody (hard at times) good job, the most rewarding job i know

Oh yes,lovely child cuddles are the best:)

You're defi right - I agree with them all!

I like that I get to put all of my energy into DD & then use the left over bits for myself. I don't know how I'd fit anyone else in to e honest!

Making all the parenting decisions I also enjoy - I still co-sleep for various reasons - I know my EX would never allow that!

Feeling confident in my own abilities & happy spending time by myself.

Getting to be selfish.

Oh. And in my case, no MIL!

Ironing takes half as long!
No-one there to undermine me.
I actually feel more supported now than when I was married as ex was useless. Now I find that people are always really generous and wanting to help - and I have my family around me now!
There's less money BUT, at least I'm in control of it and don't have to worry about it being wasted.
I get out with friends more now.

Oh yes - will never have to see his family again!

and not feeling like I have a third overgrown child.

Letting DS come into bed in the early hours of the morning and not having to move him back in case I want sex.

No arguments over discipline/other parenting issues, no having to back someone up even if you disagree with them.

When XP used to see DS, having regular periods of childfree time.

Having a really nice one-on-one relationship with DS where it feels like we are almost equals rather than parent and child, just co-operating and getting him to chip in because I can't physically do it all alone. Being able to be myself and unselfconscious around him and hoping he picks up on that. For example today a song came on and I jumped up and danced around to it. I don't think I'd be able to do that around a DP, however close we were.

Doing things which would probably be everyday if I had a partner, but being able to sit back at the end of the day and feel like it was an achievement because I did it by myself.

Oh and not having to share my comfort food!

Everything Bertiebotts said...I love the spontaneous, unself-conscious moments and the giggiling and uproarious laughing at our in-jokes and cuddles and how supportive my DS is physically and emotionally and being proud that he has learnt that from me.

not having to listen to him talking constantly about himself

I like going to the playground on a sunny day and staying late, winding our way back home, no dinner to have ready, no-one spoiling the day, simple but bliss!

Having one less child in the house
Time to pursue my own interests
Peace and quiet one the DC's are in bed
Listening to the DC's play and having fun without fear of grumpy ex-p spoiling their fun
Fishfinger sandwiches

have the heating on and the windows open at the same time
stop treading on eggshells every time he walks in

Everything

Yes mellowbird and did yours interupt all the time ?

Cooking or not as the mood takes me, dc wolfing down a dinner not asking with a pained expression what flavour can they taste
No TV blaring first thing in the morning
No running commentary on the other road users
Doing stuff moment by moment
Light a candle or have scented flowers

Mavis - sorry for your loss. It's different to those of use who are glad to see the back of a general waste of space, so I'm sure that Lone Parenthood is different in some ways too.

As others have said, my life is so stress free now I'm without the 3rd child. The dc's and I have done so much together that I never would have done when married.

I think that if you're in a position of having to do it yourself or noone does it at all then you just get on with it and this includes the really good stuff too!

Not having to worry that an argument will start once he arrives from work because dishes are not done, clothes are still in the washing or even complaining about what we are eating for dinner even though it is ready and on the table when he used to arrive from work. Just that peace that things will be done whenever you do them even if it is not straight away and still no one can blame you or asking you in really bad manners "what have you done all day? ".

Most important as a lot of other people have said, having DD with me an enjoying every minute of the day (even the bad ones as they always end and good ones come again)

not having to fake being asleep or try to muster the energy for sex after a shit week. You can actually GO TO SLEEP!

Take as long as I want in the bath

No more having to clean the bath before I get in it, as it STAYS clean.

No more hoovering or fishing out of the washing mashine, screws, rawl plugs, wires, block connectors and other shit that buggers up the mashine.

No more spending spare cash on his sodding tiny car that he used as a transit van (then wondered why it kept breaking down)

No more dealing with his moods, needs, wants.

No more feeling alone because HE's on the computer.

I now have an extra room back as his stuff is out of the house

No more hoovering up dusty plaster footprints - after I have just put the hoover away.

Forgot to say I am very sorry for your loss, it's like (or so mum says after dad died suddenly) like theres a great big hole left in your life and you dont know how to live with it.

I hope you have more happy days than you do the bad ones.

No more football, rugby, golf, cricket, snooker, formula 1 or any other friggin sport on the telly!!!!

The whole wardrobe to myself.

All the money spent on me and the kids NOT on 'boys toys' that get used once then sit in the back of the cupboard.

No stinky socks and pants which have been worn for 3 days left on the bedroom floor!

So many of these posts seem to be to do with not having a shit partner, and while I totally agree, I thought I'd try to add some positives to do with being alone rather than without a shit ex..
So...
Total freedom to do what I like in the house and in our own time. Like painting a wall how I like without any compromise, or staying out overnight without consulting anyone.
buying what I like when I like with no guilt at spending all that money on just me.
Having whoever I like over without having to consider someone else who lives in the house.
Going away loads in the holidays without feeling bad about someone who doesn't get the holidays I do.
Those totally unselfconscious moments between you and dc where you just totally get into play.
Eating what I like when I like, not having to consider someone else's tastes.
This is all pretty selfish stiff isn't it?
And those child free weekends of sheer hedonism!
Not sure I can be arsed with another relationship!
The total freedom to raise your child according to your values.
The total freedom to do whatever I like with ds - be it stay in all day watching star wars or go out on a whim and ending up sleeping out.
I truly love it, though it's taken menages to get here

No dirty laundry on the floor. Even the toddlers put their clothes in the laundry basket.

No crappy ginsters pies in the fridge. Lots of fresh healthy stuff instead.

King size bed to myself. I don't think I could ever share a bed again, I'd need to have a huge bedroom with 2 doubles in it.

being proud that my beautiful happy and well mannered ds is a credit to me and my hard work and good values. knowing that just because i failed in my relationship doesnt mean i cant be a great success as a parent