All you happily single - come and talk to me pls!

[Polaris]

I am gathering up the courage to leave DH. Long story, but I just want to move on. Have 2 DCs - 6 and 2.

The thought of single life just really appeals to me, but the few people that I hve spoken to tell me not to think the grass is greener and tell me it's hard to find another partner,

Well, I don't WANT another partner. I want to have lots of friends, be able to persue my interests freely, build up my business and build up my social life again. I don't really feel as if sex is ever that important to me that i need to find a man. I can do without it!

I need some happily singles who are living the life and are not preoccupied with copping off with someone. I feel as if I'm the only one who can possibly contemplate a happy single life, but know I'll find some like-minded others on here. So c'mon, tell me I'm not going make the transition and then find out that yes, I really do have to have a bloody man in my life to make me complete..

I thank you :)

oh no, I really am bonkers to contemplate a happy life without a man. Is there NO ONE?

Polaris Hi, I have been single now for over 3 years and i have to say it i love it!! I havent had a partner in those 3 years either i do love being alone, Only recently someone has caught my eye that i would like to date but thats another story.

To be honest i could just stay single and not be so bothered as i too can live without sex.

Sometimes it is lonely but if you have a great network of people around you the lonely nights dont seem so bad

You sound very happy with the idea of splitting from your DH but only you know whats best for you

No, you're definitely not bonkers - if it feels right then it is right for you.

I've been single for nearly two years and it was definitely the right decision for me.

Every day I remind myself of that - it is tough at times but the wonderful sense of freedom to do what I want, when I want to far outweighs the difficulties.

Oh, and you don't have to go without sex just because you don't have a man

I have 2 dc the same age as you. I don't know if I count as I've been with my dp for 4 months now, but to all intents and purposes I am stil very much a single parent.
It's good to know you can cope on your own. And you can. Even today when we are all poorly, in our pjs and I have the headache from hell and a cough that won't budge, I cope. My dc are far happier in a happy household with just me looking after them than they would in a house where there were 2 very unhappy, possibly angry and bitter people.
Fwiw, if the time comes that you do want to meet someone new, the right man won't be bothered by your children at all. The best you can do for your dc is to give them a happy, secure childhood. There's no reason you can't do that in a single parent household. The biggest compliments I recieve are about my dc tbh, that they are a credit to me. That's what makes it worthwhile :)

Oh thank you yummy! I don't really have a great network of friends right now, but I'm very willing to make one. I'm red hot on the idea of being on my own, but am very weary that I might be giving myself a false sense of security. It was when my DM said; 'Yes, I think you'd be very good on your own actually,' I thought yes!

The lonely nights will seem like heaven in comparison to my snoring, wriggly DH who annoys me even when he's asleep.

I loved reading your endorsement for single-dom. It's just what I need to dispell the myths that I'll be internet dating instead of MNing as soon as he's out the door.

Great posts - thanks poolet and boo! I am feeling empowered... There is a niggle, which might be just confidence, but I get a bit annoyed when people say that it's a jungle out there when looking for someone else. I just think, well I don't WANT someone else I want to just be myself and be by myself.

When my ex left me for OW i had no friends either but over the years i have become close to some old friends and also landed myself a new great friend, All this came in time so i wouldnt worry to much about not having a great network right now as when you get yourself out there more you will meet new people :)

My ex used to snore and it drove me crazy, I cant imagine how i`m to ever have another man in my bed now

Being a single parent can be hard im not going to lie but it`s also very rewarding!

I've been single for a little over a year since leaving DS's dad. I have the odd short spell when I wish I had a partner (and tried having a FB for a couple of months but that ended) but on the whole i like it being just me. Me and DS are much more relaxed and happier since the move and enjoy suiting ourselves.

It's really not ime. I was single by choice for 3 years, getting my head together after being left while pg. I am so grateful i took the time tbh, had some therapy, got ok with myself. THEN I did do the old chiche, signed up to Plenty Of Fish after a recommendation from a friend and met the most wonderful man. I emailed him first none of this sitting back waiting to be picked from the heap crap.
There will be people who try and convince you that being with any man is better than being single, but that's their issue tbh. If this is what you want to do then tbh you have nothing to lose.

TBH tho yummy, my DP has left for work when we get up so I don't have any help there, and then he also gets home late AND works weekends. He's hardly ever here to help and the extra amount of work he makes for me doing his housework and sandwhiches every day means it'll be LESS work. He is around to help at bedtime, but the DCs are getting bigger and a lot easier to tuck up at night anyway.

Being single is FANTASTIC!

Some people are willing to put up with any old shit cos all their confidence comes from being in a couple - no matter how shit a couple they make.

You dont sound like someone who will be a miserable singleton - you clearly have more going for you than your relationship status.

Go for it, someone might come along who you fall for/ have temporary fun with - but that's really neither here nor there, the key is to get your life in order and make it work for you. You shouldnt have to prioritise relationships because other people lack the confidence to believe there's more to life.

How brill to hear some reassurance from those that know. Boo I'm glad you didn't feel overwhelmed when attempting dating again. I suppose it's what you make it and if you're not desperate (which I'm not I don't think) then it's not a problem to take your time is it?

It sounds as though your mind may have been made up, Is there any way you could talk to your DP and ask for maybe a break so you can think about if your making the right choices for you and the DCs?

Hi Jeremy, good to hear from you! I thought that must be the case, but it's great to hear it. I thought 'why does everyone think my main priority is filling the bedspace?' I thought surely I can't be the only one who is happy to call time on madly finding that certain someone. I mean, I have two DCs and a nice house - so long as I can keep the house then I'll be in a great position of security. I think it's mainly my younger friends who are single and haven't any DCs that are feeling the strain.

I'm very glad to be on THIS side of the fence in that I don't have to worry about having children with someone. It's so liberalising as technically I never have to worry about dealing with men again ever, IF I so choose!!

Not at all. I have a few single parent friends and tbh the ones who take their time are the ones who have ended up with pretty fabulous men. Alot are still single, and still utterly fabulous. The ones who jump from one to the next, well, one in particular isn't a friend anymore as I just couldn't watch what it was doing to her 3 year old anymore :(
I think my being with dp may be a bot if a red herring tbh. It's still such early days. I think what makes me so happy and secure atm is that I know, in the nicest possible way, that I don't need him. I certainly enjoy the company (if anything the hardest thing I found about being on my own was that I was lonely and tended to stew on things in the evenings) but I know I'm fine on my own, and he said he found that intriguing and refreshing. Although there's obviously a big difference income wise as I've been unemployed since redundancy 2 years ago, I don't leech off him, we pay 50/50. Being independant is a very undervalued thing I think, and a lot of women (and men) are frightened of it.

Hi Yummy,

I have asked for a break, but he won't go 'without a fight'. He meant it nicely but I just wish he'd see that it's over.

If you search under my name you'll see my history which will reveal quite a toxic relationship. You'll quickly see why and how much I've confronted my issues to arrive here.

Once the veil came off my life, and once I admitted to living a lie - plus the fact I've got my DM on side now - is like taking off a hair shirt. I just need to be practical now and this bit is just HORRIBLE.

In a nutshell, I just want to be really positive, but realistic. Which is why I'm a bit miffed at everyone reverting back to the 'searching for another man' condumdrum.

Nice one Boo. I know that I'll find Sunday's hard as I've no family around and that was always a problem before I was married. But so long as I plan ahead I'll tackle those empty hours and try and fill them up with activities.

I just hope my resolve doesn't disappear and I start getting like your friend. Dreadful prospect.

I wouldnt ever advise anyone to just go out and bag another man as how would that help anyone going through what you are now? Maybe they think you want to split because you want another guy, Which i know from what you have said on here is far from it.

i will look at your history when i have come back from the school run (multi tasking while cooking tea), Sorry to rush off on you.

I have no family around either but tbh I find it liberating. The only thing I miss is not havign regular babysitters available, but there are ways and means around that and tbh I didn't really need one that often.

You are wonderful people. I ususally go on MN to moan or go over my problems. It's great to engage with you all regarding something inspirational!

I'm very happily single too. And I intend to stay that way. I gave up looking for someone else a long time. I really enjoy having evenings to myself - I have a few good friends and lots of hobbies. Me and my daughter have loads of fun at weekends visiting people, going on outings and sharing hobbies. I also have more money and I'm much more in control of how it's spent. My daughter is happy, healthy and full of confidence. The only negative I can think of is the attitude of some people towards single parents, but then that is their ignorance.

Polaris,are you me?!!!

I split from my dh at new year,it is fab!! I love being single and i do not want another man in my life,i'm so happy being me again,i feel i have a new lease of life,nothing annoys me anymore,it's bliss!!

Really hope you can make the break and then get on being you and living your life just the way you want to x

OP I know you say it is a long story but why is it you want to leave?

Being single isn't awful and certainly is better than being in a miserable relationship. ANd no you certainly don't need a man around to be happy. But it can also be hard and very lonely. Go through this thread a bit and you'll see plenty of posts from very down, tired and lonely LP's who have no supportm no friends to turn too, and find it very hard to find the time/money/ babysitters to socilalise.
I just wonder how hard you've tried to fix your relationship when you cay that your ex will fight to stop you leaving. Well if that's the case surely he's prepared to make some changes to try and keep you...?

I know you've heard lots of positive things above, and it seems to be validating your point of view, But this is something you really need to think about if your relationship is possibly savable.

One lady I know told her partner to leave, she didn't need him and they'd be better off without him. So he left. He found a new partner (post split) and moved away.
She couldn't afford to keep the house they rented and had to move away from her friends to a smaller place.
She hated the dc going to her ex's for the weekends, especially hating that the OW was taking care of her youngest who was just a baby.
She struggled for babysitters, and when her mum could do it she couldn't find friends to go out with her (as they all had their own dc, partners etc to keep them busy).
And she struggled to afford a car and clothes for her dc. She told me she had no idea how hard it was and wished she'd never told him to go.

So no, the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. And if it is it's possibly because the cows are over there sh1ting on the other side...

You say you hope you can keep the house. Realistically can you? How will you pay the bills? How will you cope with the lonliness and will your mum and others become less reliable as sitters the more you ask them? What alternatives do you have?
How will you cope with the pain of your dd going to your ex and not seeing her for days at a time. If it worth the hurt you, your dd and your ex will go through by this decision.

What I mean is please be certain you really want this and it's not worth fixing. It's not like he's abusing you emotionally.physically is it? SO what is so awful that'd you'd rather leave than try and fix it?

As someone who is newly single (not by choice) after 21 years I'm finding this thread very uplifting!

If I may be so rude as to ask, happybubblebrain how do you have more money now you are single?

I LOVE being single. I hated it at first because of the lonliness and then I found some fab single parent friends. Now I love my life!