views on separated father & children relationships

[frustrateddad]

Hi, I am writing for your opinons as I feel that I am missing something, I will explain.

I split up from my daughters mum over 3 years ago, amicably I might add. we sorted out a plan which set out when I would see my daughter & have her to stay with me, this originated around her work schedule.

this worked until I met my now wife. my ex decided to start playing games with me & trying to reduce the amount of time i spend with my daughter, the same thing happens every 6 months or so, we get in a routine & then she tries to reduce the time again.

we have the agreement set down through our solicitors, not through court yet, but it is heading that way.

I am asking for your opinion just so that i am clear in my mind that i am not asking for too much.

I want my daughter to stay 1 night mid week (wednesday or thursday) every friday night and alternate saturday & sunday nights, I have said that I will collect from nursery & drop her back off there whenever I need to the following morning. Is this too much??

I love my daughter dearly & want to form a strong bond with her, as all good fathers do, I just cannot see why a mother would want to keep a father away from their child.

your comments, thoughts, advice etc would be greatly appreciated.

I would go back and say this is what you want Wednesday after school Thursday, Friday and Saturday every week and half the school holidays and christmas day from 4pm every year.

Then drop the the Wednesday night.

Don't aks why she would be tierd at your house more than her house. State their is no reason why you can't parent and parent together for a child to grow up and have fun and homework in both houses.

Although yes it would be good to know what the mothers reason are for witholding contact -I don't think you will ever get to the truth of the matter and you will go around in cirlces over why daughter can't do homework at one house and can at the other, or why playdates can't be done at one house and can at the other.

I would keep banging on about shared care, shared parenting and parenting together for a healthy happy child and working together apart for this same goal.

If there are worries about tierdness, homework or not having contact with the school and missing parts - then a book in the school bag for both of you to write in and chats about how to keep things the same for daughter and make sure she has a good routine is the way to move forward.

Don't though use my jargin if you can help it as it is annoying but I used it so you get the jist of what I mean about not going round in circles and taking the lead with her in a conversaton.

if ex wife starts - move it on quick and resolve

"If you have some of those Sundays when will Mum and Daughter spend time together? "

Surely the same question applies to Mon-Fri working families where the children are at school and access is alternate weekends?

In this case the OP is saying that he wants Fri-Sun 1 weekend, and Friday to Saturday night the next weekend, so his ex gets 2 weekend nights and 2 weekend days a month, and he gets 6 weekend nights and 6 days a month. He said she works on a Saturday, so obviously it makes sense that he has Fri/Sat and she has Sat/Sun. He said she has a hairdressing business so I would assume it is reasonable that she needs to work Saturday. Given the choice I would assume that she would rather not work at the weekends but that she needs to.

I am not sure what you mean in the second sentence. I did say that initially I thought the OP should try to focus on the weekends to reach an agreement as a start. It might then make negotiation easier for the week.

I would guess in court the very least contact your daughter would have with you would be half the holidays, every other weekend and a mid week as you live close enough. However, bitter ex-wives come up with all sort of lies to prevent contact and ultimately indirectly hurt their kids... It is never a clear cut result.

On the other hand you could go for shared residency which research has proven is the best outcome for the short and long term well being of children of separation/divorce. That way the child gets to have significant and full relationships with both parents.

I feel I'm in a very similar boat, just further down the river, been going to court for the last 6 or 7 months, in which time my contact has been reduced from having the DC's every weekend and half the holidays to the standard once every other weekend and half the holidays. So after 8 years we've gone from a shared parenting arrangement to one of seeing my kids every other weekend. We shall see what happens as I return to court in April, urrrgh.

Again I'm a farther.