Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I want to appeal CSA decision.

128 replies

Essexmumof3 · 13/02/2011 00:28

Ex and I split up 8 years ago - we had an arrangement for him to pay £300 a month maintenance for our DD which he kept to.
DD started secondary school in September and costs rose for lunches, school bus, trips and going out at weekends with friends etc... teenagers are expensive!!
I asked ex for more money to help but he said he couldn't afford it as he has a new wife and 2 other children.
I contacted the CSA and they have done an assessment on him and have come back with £14 a week maintenance !!! How can anyone cope on that? It's a joke - she costs me that a day. I asked them to look at it again and they have come back and said they believe the amount is correct but I can appeal if I want to.
If he could manage £300 a month before surely he shouldn't pay any less now - ex is saying he will pay what CSA want and no more but I can't meet the bills on £60 a month. I know his new wife works so they must have more income than that.
Has anyone else appealed a CSA decision? How does the system work? Is it enough to show what he was paying previously as proof he can afford more? Even if it goes back to £300 a month it would be better.

OP posts:

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/02/2011 23:21

Agree with mj1moreornotthatisthequestion - your eldest is 16 so is more than capable (in the eyes of the law) of looking after your younger kids. And as he's at school, his hours are school hours - bingo! There's your chidcare sorted.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/02/2011 23:22

Your children are old enough not to need childcare.

Get the fuck out to work you lazy slattern.

RailwayChild · 13/02/2011 23:24

You could always ask the daughters father to mind his own child in holidays and after school so that you could work

I'm serious

That might be a lovely lovely opportunity for them and for you

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 13/02/2011 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JohnBovi · 13/02/2011 23:26

I want to keep my dd's standard of living the same or even better. That's why I'm not relying on having any income from her Dad (if I ever get any it's a bonus). I'm working hard to provide for her myself.

Snorbs · 13/02/2011 23:28

RailwayChild, that's a genius idea. He's already largely a SAHD so he'll know how to do it and he'll be there at the right times. Between him and the OP's older children and DH, she should have childcare coming out of her ears and to suit any combination of hours she might want to work.

Hell, if she told her older children that childcare for the younger ones was required as part of their room and board costs then they'll learn a sense of responsibility and the value of hard work as well. Everyone's a winner.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/02/2011 23:29

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion her other two children have a different dad.

"Get the fuck out to work you lazy slattern." This should be nominated for mumsnet quote of the week! So concise, yet so true - fecking genius, Laurie!

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 13/02/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Truckulente · 13/02/2011 23:31

On the subject of Australian it also has a shared-care policy with regards to children.

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 13/02/2011 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Essexmumof3 · 13/02/2011 23:31

To be honest I am terrified of trying to get a job. I haven't worked for 16 years, I have no skills, I have no idea what I could do.
Someone earlier suggested voluntary work but I can't imagine anyone even a charity wanting me. I have just been a mum for so long. I am in my mid 40's and I don't have a CV anymore.
Deep down yes I know I could sort childcare and I know that others cope reading on here I see that. Its just I have never needed to sort it.
I know that I am not a single mum anymore as one poster said, but having read a few of the threads here I saw more CSA on Lone Parents so I thought this was where I should ask. I am sorry if I offended anyone by not being a single parent anymore but I was one for a long time.

OP posts:

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 13/02/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Niceguy2 · 13/02/2011 23:34

I actually laughed out loud and my GF wondered wtf I was reading when I read the slattern commend. I've no idea what a slattern even is but I salute you.

On a slightly more serious note and assuming this isn't a wind up I just noticed on the first page as I was explaining to my GF :

"Then he married his new wife and I didn't want her involved so no contact apart from cards and presents and the maintenance."

So poor bloke's been coughing up £300 per month, cards & presents for a child he wasn't allowed to see because he had the audacity to leave OP and get married.

For the record my GF says it serves her right too.

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 13/02/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Niceguy2 · 13/02/2011 23:36

To be honest I am terrified of trying to get a job. I haven't worked for 16 years, I have no skills, I have no idea what I could do.

evolucy7 · 13/02/2011 23:36

I don't think anyone is offended by you not being a lone parent anymore.
Good of you to admit that there is a fear of working again, which is understandable. Surely a charity would be interested in most volunteers, unless they read this of course and then they may not want you, joke, ha ha!

MollieO · 13/02/2011 23:38

I am at a loss to understand why someone with one adult child and two at secondary school cannot go out to work. Assuming of course that you aren't disabled and unable to work.

I've worked since Ds was 10 months old (I got a bank loan to fund extended ML as Ds was prem and too poorly for me to return to work earlier). It is not easy and involves a lot of hardship and sacrifice but it is a necessity. If you have been a SAHM for 16 yrs then you are exceptionally fortunate.

I am currently unemployed having recently been made redundant (and no I'm not claiming benefits so far). My Ds is moaning because he is missing going to before and after school care (7.30 am to 6.30pm). He is 6 and being out of the house for that long is the only life he has known until recently.

Maybe you'd get more sympathy selling your story to the Daily Fail but as others have stated here you give single parents a bad name. Although you aren't actually a single parent. Suggest you get your partner to make up the difference as probably your ex's wife was doing for him.

gaelicsheep · 13/02/2011 23:43

Can you explain OP why exactly why you want another mother to pay for YOUR children?

You gambled and lost. Your ex and his wife are probably, quite understandably, exceedingly peed off with you right now.

An assessment is not about what you need. It is about what your ex can afford to contribute. Sounds like he was being very generous before. £300 a month is a massive amount of maintenance, when they have two children of their own to support.

Sorry, I have no sympathy. The rest of us have to cut our cloth to fit. I'd so love to be able to go to my employer and plead how expensive my children are becoming! But I live in the real world.

gaelicsheep · 13/02/2011 23:45

Damn it, posted too soon.

It sounds to me like you would be much better off building bridges with your ex and coming to a compromise arrangement.

gaelicsheep · 13/02/2011 23:48

BTW, I spent years paying most of my DH's inflated maintenance assessment to a woman who thought her ex existed only as a walking wallet, so this kind of attitude pees me right off.

Asteria · 13/02/2011 23:49

Good grief - if I had been getting £300 a month without the hassle of visitations I would have kept bloody quiet and stuck with it...

I have an 8 year old DS - his father beat the crap out of me and, after I left him, refused contact with his DS. I didn't want anything from him, but as I had to go onto benefits initially the CSA automatically got involved. We were awarded £2.50 a WEEK...

FWIW I do charity work for Independant Age and SSAFA - they are always looking for people. Try Charity Shops - that way you could also use those skills to go into a paid shop job. You could always do a refresher course to get your pc skills up to date - being out of work for 16 years doesn't make you unemployable, but your current state of mind does. You would be amazed at how many employers actually value the skills that SAHM's can bring to jobs.

InnocentRedhead · 13/02/2011 23:54

We have had a little trouble with CSA recently... But the decision that the CSA has made is based on his income alone, not his wifes, so even if they have a large household income, then they cannot take into account her wage as they see the child as not her financial responsibility. Even if she was the OW, she is in no way responsible for providing for the child outside her own home. (For example i will buy DSD things, eg. nappies, food and clothes) when she is here but i will not pay for anything when she is at her mothers.

He will pay 15% of his net earnings (after tax and NI) HOWEVER because he has 2 other children that are his responsibility, they disregard 20% of his net income. meaning he will pay 15% on 80% of his earnings.

You can still work. What about working while children are in school, look in the jobs section of MN and you will see plenty of jobs that you can work eg. 10am-2pm, even if is it cleaning or shop work, it is income.

The fact that you went back to the CSA to recalculate (even when you were receiving £300 a month) means you should have being prepared for a drop in your CSA as well as a rise. So i am afraid you could appeal but it would just mean a lot of wasted time. Wages haven't gone up remember, but the cost of living has.

Original poster

Essexmumof3 · 13/02/2011 23:55

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion I was angry and hurt when he left and yes I wanted to punish him for hurting me. I also just wanted to protect my daughter, I couldn't bear the thought of his wife being with her.
My daughter really doesn't ask about her dad and hasn't asked to see him. She did miss him a lot in the beginning.
I have kept up contact with grandparents (usually on the phone) and I know they pass on news of how she is and photos etc..
To start with he fought hard for access but like I said after a while he stopped. I was relieved when he did.
I am still angry with him and I have never got over him he was the love of my life and my new partner is the first person I have lived with since.

OP posts:

InnocentRedhead · 13/02/2011 23:59

Oh and blocking contact is unnacceptable. DSD mother has recently told DSD that her dad is dead, we now have a battle on our hands. And there is a lot of legalities behind this, you should have stuck to the £300 a month decisiopn (which btw, if it has now dropped so low, this means that your EXP having to pay this amount would have skinted him, regardless of his DW wage)

gaelicsheep · 14/02/2011 00:01

You are using money to get at your ex. Bad mistake, and it will come back to bite you. In fact it already has.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread