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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Alone. I mean really alone

73 replies

mmsmum · 11/02/2011 21:57

Am I the only one who is really alone? By that I mean (without feeling sorry for myself) has no friends, has no contact with ex, and has no family or worse, limited contact with family who doesn't care/understand. I guess I mean totally isolated.

I hear other people say how they are single parents but then go on to say how they share kids at hols/weekends, have someone to share decision making with and have some child support. There is also the crowd of 'oh I'm practically a single parent'! Let's not go there!

To me the true meaning of lone parent is just that, alone. No support financial or otherwise. And its the latter that's the worst, having complete responsibility for absolutely everything, if it goes wrong its your fault and no-one elses.

Am I the only one?

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GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 21:58

me too!!

tho one good friend locally who was in refuge at same time.....and eldest dd is now 16 so can babysit

tomhardyismydh · 11/02/2011 22:03

similar day to day week to week but I do have a dsis that although has her life would be there at a drop of a hat. but I have a feckless ex, not may friends. some times i see no one really from one week to the next.

how old are your dcs? are you feeling isolated? or are you happy and coping? because that is what makes the difference, inmho.

makemeskinny · 11/02/2011 22:21

I'm in the same situation too, but try to remember your not alone, ok not everyone on here but there certainly are caring and supportive people only too willing to lend a ear should u feel the need to rant(i should know i exercise my right quite frequently)!

Grin
GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 22:24

i'm struggling for the first time in 7 years......dc are hitting their teens

Original poster
mmsmum · 11/02/2011 22:31

Reading makemeskinny's post brought tears to my eyes which answers tomhardyismydh's question!

I am isolated, I'm not happy but I do think am coping, but only because I have to.

I'm drained, I've had enough but there is no end and I've got to go on. Sometimes someone will do/say something really nice and I am just overwhelmed by it, but mostly I think I'm paranoid! The only people I see are other people at the park and they aren't nice at all. They are bitchy and spiteful, not just with me but with everyone.

I sometimes think it must be me, I've failed. If I can't keep friendships then it's got to be something about me driving people away?

The thought of strangers listening to me and actually caring is almost too much. I don't know or care how that sounds. Luckily, I've never been in a refuge, came close once but 'saved' by a relative (who is now my greatest critic).

I just feel that I try so hard all the time and I'm exhausted, I've had enough of trying but whats the alternative?

OP posts:
Original poster
mmsmum · 11/02/2011 22:35

Tiffany my daughter is almost 12, do you think it's an age thing?

OP posts:
simpson · 11/02/2011 22:37

I know how you feel although I am not totally alone as my parents are around to help with my DC (5&3) but tbh they have their own life/careers so am by myself most of the time and find it relentless Sad

I have had a bad day today as things round the house keep breaking Sad and I don't know a handyman (pref 6ft, handsome etc Grin) to fix things...

How old are your DC??

Original poster
mmsmum · 11/02/2011 22:39

I have one daughter who is 11. I'm not one to boast but she is perfect lol

I like the idea of a handsome, 6ft handy man but if I find one I'm not sharing! :)

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 11/02/2011 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 22:42

have things breaking here too simpson!!

the teens are bloody hard work,and its the teens board here that has helped alot!! one dd is 16 and been fine,her sister,14 has began to be the teen from hell!!

i feel overwhelmed when anyone is nice to me....a schoolteacher,and recently,a lovely policeman who was here giving dd a lecture after another 'incident'!!

simpson · 11/02/2011 22:44

my H (not divorced yet) rang today to speak to DC (he lives in Ireland, I don't - he has not seen DC for 5mths)

And DS(5) refused to talk to him, I have to confess it made me a bit Grin as in yes you fucker you treat DC like rubbish and they don't want anything to do with you Blush

(disclaimer: have never badmouthed him to DC, just let them decide whether to speak to him etc)

BluddyMoFo · 11/02/2011 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

simpson · 11/02/2011 22:52

Ilovetiffany - TBH its things around the house that send me over the edge Blush

My back door is totally fucked, now locked after massive battle but cannot open it again and need to spend £££ I don't have to fix it.

That is when I miss having a partner to share problems with iyswim.

Original poster
mmsmum · 11/02/2011 22:56

Go Simpson! lol that must have felt good.

My ex isn't interested in dd, I tried for a long time to get him to commit to seeing her but as it is we haven't had contact for years, we don't even know where the other lives anymore.

I feel like all of you have something in common with me, whether it'd going into hiding

My DD definitely deserves more than me, I try to be everything for her but she feels the pain of not having any one else to love her.

Speaking of being mental and needy, I think I was always defensive, I had barriers and walls and now I'm ready to let those come down and it's actually harder in some ways now. I do have major trust issues but at least I recognise it.

She's not a baby, I've been at this a long time lol

OP posts:
Monty27 · 11/02/2011 22:56

OP - there's loads of us. Keep posting.

Ilovetiffany - I've seen you around but didn't realise you were going through this.

Two demanding teens here, full time job, no maintenance whatsoever. Can just about pay for stuff without frills.

And too proud to ask anyone for any practical help Blush

I'm the Nofrills capable single mum. lol

Original poster
mmsmum · 11/02/2011 22:58

oops I deleted a bit of my post after 'going into hiding...' but didn't delete enough, sorry for not making sense!

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makemeskinny · 11/02/2011 22:58

oo you lot can be my advisors then as my ds is only 16months!!

It is strange how a bunch of strangers can be so comforting isnt it!

ps. I too wouldnt say no to a 6ft handsome handy man, so maybe if any of you find one first, cross your fingers he has a brother you can send my way!!Grin

pps. I also am hoping my ds doesnt grow up thinking the sun shines out of plebby ex's behind, shouldnt be too hard!!

MavisEnderby · 11/02/2011 22:58

The only people i have spoken to recently are the windowcleaner and dd teacher..have good parents tho but they live 2 hours away.

makemeskinny · 11/02/2011 23:04

oo and if the 6ft handsome handy man could clean windows too that would be great!

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 23:05

monty,its a fairly new development with dd. she used to be so supportive,hunt out cheap things for the family,organise days out etc etc.....but she got in wit some girls and its all gone wrong!!

have resorted to contacting her dadBlushhe'd like to help but cant....and he's miles away anyway,my dad lives far away too and in his opinion i should give her a 'bloody good hiding'

simpson · 11/02/2011 23:05

I started a thread for lone parents who are struggling as I found it so hard Blush

I am even contemplating taking my DC to a church service (new one 50 mins messy play, then 10 mins prayer) tomorrow.

I am the least religious person I know, but I find sats so hard as my friends are with their husbands etc...

Original poster
mmsmum · 11/02/2011 23:05

16 months! aww they are so cute at that age, are you thinking of teaching him to talk? I wouldn't recommend talking, or walking for that matter Wink

I think I need to get myself a window cleaner, but knowing my luck he'll be over 50 and have a bear belly hanging over his jeans and sticking out every time he reaches to the top of the windows!

Monty if banging your head makes you capable, keep banging! I think I'd be the same as you, if I did have someone who could I bet I'd be too proud to ask.

Do you know I think this is the most sociable Friday night I've had in years! Grin

OP posts:
simpson · 11/02/2011 23:09

sorry but pmsl at 50 yr old window cleaner Grin

Knowing my luck, when I get builder in to fix back door he will look the same

GypsyMoth · 11/02/2011 23:20

get several 'quotes' first simpson Wink

simpson · 11/02/2011 23:21

heehee, I like your thinking Grin Grin