Dads paying for childcare

[LadyTremaine]

Hello,

Just wondering how many of yor ex's contribute towards childcare on top of maintenance?

Without being rude, I'm not talking about the shitbags who don't pay anything a t all or who are generally crap. I mean the guys who pay their reccommended CSA maintencance relibly.

I only wonder because my ex seems to think that because he is not legally obiged to help with childcare, I am unfair to ask him to.

In my mind, we both work, so we should pay half each?

Why doesnt CSA take this is to any account grrr...

My DDs childcare bill is about £330 quid a month term time and £700 during school holidays. He pays me £200 maintencance, unfair, no?

[DuelingFanjo]

I think you are spot on mjloveswineoclock

[dadaz]

How have I got an agenda?

Posting on threads that you don't want me to post on?....You clearly have an agenda not myself.

Why am I posting on this thread in this way?
Not to please you by any stretch of the imagination that's for certain.

I skipped over your tirade regarding you being an advocate of Mens right because you're feeding the board a big fat metaphorical cake.

You seem to have an awward mantra that hurts you....if you can't change at least try to wind that interfering neck of yours back in.

[DuelingFanjo]

blimey!

how to win friends... etc.

snigger

[redbaronski]

I think the bottom line is that the CSA amount is a poor standard and that unmarried parents get a very, very bad deal in terms of child support compared to married parents.

I separated from my partner at a time when I was earning £9k per year (I freelance - this amount changed to £20k the year after we split). He was earning £75k. We had two children, then aged 2 and 4.
Nursery fees were £900pcm (this was by far the cheapest nursery in the area we lived in), childcare for after school and nursery was £8-£10 per hour for three hours five days a week, and about £80 per day in the school holidays, when there was neither school nor nursery. My rent was £1200pcm (this is the flat we rented before we split up, and is very cheap for the area we lived in, where rents are more like £2k pcm) - let's say the second bedroom my kids were in accounts for £500 of that. Council tax and heating were £200pcm. Food for the three of us about £200pcm (conservative estimate). I've not included clothing, after school activities etc, and without any of that, the monthly total of the marginal costs of the kids STARTS AT £1300pcm .

The CSA states that on average, couples spend 20% of their income on two children. Now for my ex partner, 20% of his net income less 1/7 (as the children are with him every other weekend) is £750. On £20k per year, £650pcm is about 50% of my net income. With the remaining £650, I am to find £1300 to cover 'my share' of the rent and bills, plus whatever extra is needed to fund extra childcare, clothing and activites.

Is it really right that the state should have been paying me tax credits to cover some of this stuff rather than the father of the children covering a larger protion - something he could easily have afforded to do?

Should I have stopped working until my daughter was at school (i.e. 18 months later) to avoid childcare costs while I worked? But then how would I have paid my rent?

Should I have moved into a different area (possibly a different city, given that London is so expensive), moved my son to a different school, and moved away from my friends and family (i.e. my support network)? How then would the NRP have had the contact he has had with his kids?

Can't help thinking that CSA isn't very helpful, the %s calcualted aren't very helpful and they don't provide a good solution. And I'm surprised that the state is left to provide when an NRP will not.

And to the OP, of course your ex should be paying half the childcare, and of course your new partner shouldn't be responsible for it. And I'm surprised that there's any argument at all.

[dadaz]

mjloveswineoclock
Oh dear another internet warrior.

------

I can see why you're single.

Enjoy :-)

[dadaz]

I have confirmed nothing but you are speaking from a slanted perspective abut Men.

If you spent less time scurrying about answering any post I remark on...you would be much happier and less bitter.

Oh..and stop trying to validate yourself to me because I find you false and indicitive of yur ilk.

[dadaz]

Double post rage noted.

Now move on before it eats you even more.

[dadaz]

Maybe because you're saying nothing?

But thanks for running round chasing my posts...if you were males I coulda shoulda woulda got an injunction against you.

But relax, it ain't ever going to happen :-)

[SparkleSoiree]

MJ - lovely to read you again! Need to pick your brains later!

ducks out

[duchesse]

Just googling this very issue following on from a current thread and am shocked that so many people feel that childcare is the "privilege" of the resident parent. In this day and age, childcare is a non-negotiable for most families. It goes with the child. I am really mystified why so many more people think the boyfriend should help pay the childcare costs than the child's own father, utterly, utterly mystified. The only situation in which I would think it acceptable not to contribute half the FULL costs of the child (including any childcare) is where the parents have shared care (a few days either side neither here or there imo). This would presumably mean both parents paying the childcare for the time the child is resident with them and no money changing hands whatsoever.

Childcare is such an enormous cost it beggars belief that so many people would think it normal for a woman either to not work because she can't afford to, or for her to pay the full childcare whack so that her ex can have a fun time with the children over the weekend every other week. And if so many men truly want shared care, why do they not apply for it?

[duchesse]

And another thing: I know the CSA adjusts maintenance for contact (in an apparently extremely archaic way) so that NR parents pay whatever minus 2/7th of a week (whatever the contact arrangement is). It's not comparing like with like though is it- with most peoples' working week running Monday to Friday, those five days are far more expensive than the weekend unless the dad (it seems to be most often the dad) really pushes the boat out on contact days.

[Latemates]

I do not think he should contribute.... The CSA take a %of his wage he likely doesn't have extra to pay for child care.
I find it had to believe he is turning down contact but if that is the case then it is him and your daughter that is missing out. Encourage him to have a greater role in her life but do not expect extra hand outs.
It is in the Childs best interest to see more of the other parent that has been researched and proven. So I'd go down that route and then child care cost will be reduced also.

[Drizzela]

This is another thread I lurked on that annoyed me then, and is annoying me now! latemates If after the % of his wage that the ex pays doesnt leave anything left to pay for childcare... how is the RP suppossed to afford it? She also pays a % of her wage to provide for the child... And how would her ex having more contact with the child reduce childcare costs? He works too...!
Why would you find it hard to beleive that the ex doesnt want more contact with the child? Do you think that never happens?
Whether he had equal contact with the child that the mother has or not, the childcare costs would be the same as they are currently. It would mean he would no longer pay maintenance as the custody would be equally split, but the paid child care would still be the responsibility of the two people who created the child.

It all comes back to sexism and the belief that women with children should be at home with them. If they 'choose' to work (and how else will they pay rent & keep their experience up to date?) they are expected to foot the bill. Very sad, and even sadder that so many people on this thread not only agreed that the father shouldnt be responsible for paying for half the costs of his child, but that the new partner should pay it! I think the child in question is at school. But If it wasn't at school, we're talking bewtween £750 and £1000 plus a month for a childminder or nursery!!! How can a single parent afford that alone????????

[Drizzela]

The 15% of salary (unless the NRP has a high salary) covers half the childs cost - food, bills, rent, clothes, school trips, friends birthday presents, shoes, toiletries, petrol to take to school etc etc assuming a child costs what.. £250/£350 a month to keep, and the NRP contributes £200 odd, then the childcare bill is £700, then the childs costs are around £1000... and the NRP pays £200.... how is that right?

And the comment about the tax credits above is very true, why should the state pay towards child care rather than the father? And if, as with OP, you find a partner, or if your own salary goes above the threshold, you don't get any help! I've known women (ok, 1 woman) refusing a promotion because the 3k pay increase would mean her tax credits would be cut off and she couldnt afford childcare... holding women back in the work place - and they say we're suppossed to be equal.

[happyglowie]

I am in the same position now - my ex is going to start paying £200 p/m. Childcare costs we split which is £140 each. But I was wondering the same thing because i'm going to be left with £60 a month out of his money to help with her other costs. Which isn't really a lot where a 10 month old is concerned! I havent read through all the posts - but was a conclusion made? I've dropped money too, as i wanted to try and keep it amicable, according to CSA website it reccomends he pay £253 a month. But me trying to be nice as he is buying me out of the house, but now im a bit worried that im going to end up struggling but feel i cant really ask for any more on seeing it was my decision to leave him!! Any thoughts?

[stressedatbest]

I find this thread utterly fucking staggering. The same people who rant about shared care, "no difference between mum and dad" have suddlenly, when it comes to it, decide there IS a gender difference after all and that the shortfall should fall to....wait for it. Mum. Go figure,
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. Latemates. I love how you also make it the OP's responsibilty to 'push'm for 50-50, despite her clearly saying he didn't want it. Is there anything else you'd like to make the OP responsible for? Global warming perhaps?
Also love how you remind her not to ask for 'handouts'. Jesus.

Drizzela - great post.

[hairylights]

I'm fairly flabbergasted that op lives with her boyfriend but that they don't see themselves as a family. I'm with the posters who say that it's a
family expense within the resident family. If he's moved in then he's taken on a role within the family, not just moved in with the op.