Dads paying for childcare

[LadyTremaine]

Hello,

Just wondering how many of yor ex's contribute towards childcare on top of maintenance?

Without being rude, I'm not talking about the shitbags who don't pay anything a t all or who are generally crap. I mean the guys who pay their reccommended CSA maintencance relibly.

I only wonder because my ex seems to think that because he is not legally obiged to help with childcare, I am unfair to ask him to.

In my mind, we both work, so we should pay half each?

Why doesnt CSA take this is to any account grrr...

My DDs childcare bill is about £330 quid a month term time and £700 during school holidays. He pays me £200 maintencance, unfair, no?

[portaloo]

StarExpat Personally, I think OP's XP is BU to refuse to pay half the childcare costs, after OP explained XP can afford it, rather than wont pay. (I think I said that a little earlier in the thread.)

OP's chances of getting XP to pay? Probably not very good imo.

[Truckulente]

He should pay half the costs

He should have hid child 50% of the time.

[OnlyMeUK]

Is it me, or is the £200/month figure rather low. I'd have though that it should be nearer £350 if XP is earning 40Kplus. Not in this situaution myself, so I could be talking out of my hat.

[LadyTremaine]

truckulente can i swap my ex with you please?

Sorry onlymeuk, his partner earns in 40ks - he earns late 20ks same as me.

[Takeresponsibility]

Why is childcare in a seperate box to heating or electric or running a car/ buying a bus pass. I assume the OP needs to wash and wear decent clothes to work and goes there on a bus or in a car. All of those things also contribute to the OP working to provide their daughter with a nice life.
Now we accept that the families joint income of OPs and her boyfriends wage disentitle them to benefits, this then has a knock on effect on the passported benefits of childcare costs.
CM, whether via the CSA or not, is supposed to be the NRP share of all childcare costs, not as some NRPs thing solely for toys, games and food for the child but for all the costs including housing, lighting, feeding and childcare.
I simply do not see the argument that childcare can be hived off from the other childcare costs and treated seperately.

My DP has three children with his ex wife, I knew this when he moved in with me, I knew he pays the mortgage to keep a roof over their heads and some of the bills, not because his ex can but because she won't and he won't see them homeless. She nets more money than him with CB and TCs and her wage. Childcare is not an issue as youngest is 15. I knew he would not be able to pay half of "my" mortgage and bills, even though he lives here (previously sleeping on friends floors) and I accepted that when I offered him to live here.

When you "take on" a person who has children, you "take on" their responsibilities as your own, whether they are the PWC or the NRP. That is what forming a new family means in total not just the pushing on swings down the park bit, but also the clearing up vomit bit or teenage tantrums bit, and the financial side too.

[LadyTremaine]

ok then takeresponsibilty so if childcare comes under the same umbrella as all other costs and I shouldnt be spliting them then (during school holidays anyway and before she was at school) her costs are/were

£700 for child minder
£400 for rent/bills/food/clothes etc at my house.
£100 at ex's house (he has her one night and doesnt have her own room or clothes there)
So that's £1200 for the month.. all together.. we have roughly the same salary and our partners have roughly the same salary... please expalin to me why a contribution of £200 is fair?

[LadyTremaine]

Also Takeresponsibility should his new partner be taking on his responsibilities now that she's decided to move in with him and be paying me some of his half of the childcare costs?

[LadyTremaine]

sorry in my second to last post the last line should read £300 as he is also paying the £100 she costs at his house (although i think I'm estimating high)

[portaloo]

LadyTremaine How much would you reasonably want XP to pay, if you were not to split costs?

FWIW, I agree £200 a month? is rather low, and in his circs, he could probably afford more, but without knowing how much you expect he should be contributing, it is difficult to say whether I agree or not.

Would you prefer him to pay half of the £1200, or half of the living costs, and all of the childcare, as some posters have suggested?

[portaloo]

Might I also ask, do you think his new partner should be taking on his responsibilities and paying you some of his half of the childcare costs?

[BooBooGlass]

So your child is at school? The childcare costs must be minimal then, probably mostly covered by the £200?

[falsemessageoflethargy]

exdh should pay for the childcare on 'his' days iyswim - so mine pays for the after school club for weds and the fridays that he has himand any holiday camp days on his days - he can choose not to pay for them but then he has to look fter his in those days or get a friend to pick up etc. I pay for the childcare on my designated days.

Surely thats fair?

When I was living alone then tax credits paid for my childcare costs (I am earning a lot less then you) but now that I have remarried dh and I pay for the childcare together tbh.

[LadyTremaine]

portaloo - I absolutely DO NOT think that she should be contributing to the childcare... it's just that if as so many were saying, MY dp should be contributing because that's what he signed up for when he moved in with me - surely they would also expect his new partner to contribute.

in answer to what do i expect from him - i expect the £200 reccommended by CSA (which pays for half of DDs living expenses)and half of the child care each month... usually £160.. on school holidays £350.

[BooBooGlass]

No. If his new partner had a child, then he would be expected to contribute to them. I don't think anyone's suggestign his partner has a responsibility financially to your dd.

[falsemessageoflethargy]

ladytremaine - do you both use your childcare vouchers? I would expect him to use his childcare vouchers as well as yours but not to pay for childcare - its your choice whether you work or not now you are not together - when you were together it was a decision you made as a family and now it isnt.

[falsemessageoflethargy]

oh and preagreed school fees are a different kettle of expensive fish entirely.

[MollieO]

It is your ex's choice that he only pays 15%. there is nothing to stop him paying more. If he chooses not to there isn't much you can do. You could i suppose get your dd to live with her father and pay 15% to him.

If he is paying 15% without argument then you are in a very fortunate position IMO.

[ChippingIn]

Takeresponsibility - so you think that LT should stay single and stay on benefits so that her Ex doesn't have to pay for his daughters childcare? They had a baby, he cheated on her & left - so now he gets to be in a new relationship, to only pay a paultry 15% of his income to assist in raising his daughter. He doesn't want shared care (suprise suprise) so he gets the freedom to keep 85% of his income and do overtime whilst the OP has to either stay single and on benefits or expect her new partner to pay for her daughters childcare. Whilst he and his new partner get to live the carefree childless existance with much more ££ in their pockets? His CSA didn't get increased when his new partner moved in, the OP's got decreased when hers moved in. HE fathered this child, not LT's boyfriend. Tell me how that's fair or reasonable?

[ChippingIn]

He is no differently off being in another relationship.

She is worse off being in another relationship.

[BaroqueAroundTheClock]

I have to confess it would never cross my mind to ask my ex to pay any childcare for the DS's.

And if I had moved in (or had them move in with me) a BF I would be making sure they were contributing to the household expenses. If they had a child that they had to support from another family it would come out of "our" family resources.

You live together you share the costs of that - regardless of what "costs" come from before the relationship was formed - and that includes any existing children.

[Takeresponsibility]

No LT the PWC gets the CB and TCs if entitled help cover the extra costs of having the child in a low income household. You cannot split the costs by how much the parents are earning in the way you suggest. If you do and the PWC earns 50K a year (and some on here do) and the NRP earns minimum wage that would mean he should pay nothing as the PWC could affored to keep the child with no contribution from the father NRP which would not be fair at all.

That is also why the PWC usually gets awarded a larger percentage of the families assets on divorce.

I assume that you did not give him 1/7th of the CB or TCs that were awarded for her to cover the time she is with him?

His new partner moving in did not stop you getting help with your childcare, your choice to set up home with your new partner did. You should have taken all financial and logistical factors into consideration before making this change.

It seems very coincidental to me that you have been living with your partner for 3 years and it's only coming to a head now, when in another post you say about your ex "now his partners decided to move in with him" it seems to me very coincidental that now your ex's high earning girlfriend has moved in with him that this issue of him paying more has raised its head.

[falsemessageoflethargy]

ChippingIn - surely you're only worse off in another serious, moved-in relationship if your new boyf doesnt contribute? Surely any new boyf if they have moved in would be paying half the rent etc?

Why is the OP's ex only having him 1 day a week anyway?

[falsemessageoflethargy]

sorry her

[ChippingIn]

Falseme - but why should the PC (primary carer) be worse off because they choose to work? The NR parent isn't. Why should he be free to work whilst she isn't? Childcare costs should be split allowing both parents to work if that's what they each choose.

[LadyTremaine]

BooBooGlass So, my partner should have to shoulder the responsibilty of another man's child... his partner shouldnt have to contribute to my child...