3 weeks...?

[WheresMyWaistGone]

Hello

Ages since I've been on here, so hope everyone is well.

So my ex has a new gf with 3 lo's...

He's about 200 miles from me and our ds, so curently visits every other weekend, Sat and Sun. He has suggested 3 days, every 3 weeks - ie Fri, Sat, Sun.

His reasons (in order...) so he can spend more time with his new gf's children who are now part of his life, cut down travelling time and cost, have longer each time with our ds.

I have many doubts - ds has already started saying 'don't want Daddy here' (ds is 3 and we've been apart since he was 2 months), and I currently have to drive them places as ex comes on the train and they have exhausted the bus journey outings for a while.

But it's more the time between visits and how ds will react.

I think I have to say we'll give it a go and see how it goes, but does anyone have any experience of such long spaces between visits? (BTW no possibility of overnight visits to ex due to distance and the fact that ds goes mad if anyone but me goes to him when he wakes in the night...oh and he sleeps in my bed too...)

Thanks
xx

Sounds like your ds could use more contact, more structure and less ferrying around.

Do the dc have any other contact with him between visits? phone calls? skype conversations? If not maybe it's time to start so they 'see' him more regularly even if he's not there in person. Would he be prepared to write them a letter or tell them stories via skype?
It may help them stay in touch between visits.

Hi Gilly

Well, ds does speak to Daddy on the phone occasionally, but to be honest, isn't that bothered. I guess I should really try harder to make it a regular thing.

I think part of the problem is that ex isn't, and never has been, very good at entertaining ds. He thinks he can set him off on a game and then sit down and snooze or text / email people on his phone .

Ex practically lives with new gf and her 3 dc, but seems to think weekends with them are more impt than with his own ds.

I think that you need to be confident that you have done everything that you can, within reason, to facilitate their relationship. No matter how much he annoys you.

SO encourage skyping - it's a great way for your DS to see and speak to his father. And I would start working towards making it possible for your DS to stay with his father over night. Not just send him as things are now, but work on the sleeping.

He is not bothered because he is 3. He has no concept of what he should be doing, or how long it is until he sees his dad. YOu need to encourage the contact, the phone conversations, as you cannot rely on the word of a 3 year old.