thanks again for your kind words.
I won't beat myself up for getting involved, I KNOW the circumstances were wrong. I tried my hardest for months to push him away. yet as you just said beingsetup, he just kept saying he couldn't imagine his life wihtout me that he loved me, always would, was ont he verge of doing it, ie leaving.
I was always saying things like 'maybe you are having a crisis, perhaps you should work on things, take time out' support support all the time. Thats me though, i t was a very thin line between being me and being a fool. I could not see clearly, as i was having this person tell me time and time again, i can't do this, i can't let you go. I went on every forum, website i could find, just to read about anyone in this position.
My main gut feeling was to play i through to the end, becuase it never seemed to be right for us not to be in contact when it was not clearcut or resolved one way or another.
He should have made this decision months ago. Or i should have been stronger. He should have been stronger, but he wasn't. I felt as time went on, this must be that we will be together, because of the deep connection we have. I don't think i was being all silly and hearts and flowers, the bond grew so quickly and felt absolutely right. We were both bowled over. We just clicked, and thats why it went on and on. During the initial bit i only saw him twice in 3 months, and we kept away. These two meetings in a cafe were to discuss, and the first one we agreed it was best not to embark on anything as it wasn't right, fair etc... I said i didn't wish to be involved with a married man, and he said he loved his wife and had never contemplated meeting someone else and was totally shocked by what was happening to his feelings.
It took about a month until we met again, very briefly to say this isn't going away is it. He kissed me goodbye, and that was that the feelings were out properly.
i dont even know why i am writing this down. guess it helps to put it into an order.
From then on we'd keep passing each other, not sending a text for days then texting at the same time. In any other situation it would have been a very meant to be start to a relationship. I knew each time that hey this isn't a good start to anything, but fate kept pushing us together. I just thought, well what if, maybe this is meant to be. We did our own things, never met up for a date. went on our own holidays, i dealt with my life, dd's illness etc... He did his thing.
It took another 8-9 weeks till we saw each other again, mainly in tears to discuss it. Again, only a kiss. But by now there was alot of sexual attraction. Yet we never discussed it, as it seemed the last messy bit of this bond iyswim.
Fast forward another 2 months and we went on a shopping trip, and i knew by now it was probably going to happen, and we did have sex.
Two weeks later he confessed. that was december 1st. We immediately stopped contact, and then he turned up the week b4 xmas with a gift, and god i miss you's.
but now he has gone. and thats that. i know i sound all sad and self wotsit but thats how i feel right now.x