hiya, i havent been here for ages but just needed some support

[piratecat]

I used to come on LP alot. I don't know if any of you are around that remember me.

I have had a disastrous year last yr with one thing and another.

I have just had a shitty new yr, and am feeling very lost and sad.

I am not here for a flaming, tho i know the gen consensus on mn for me getting involved with a married man will be to shoot me down.

Yet, in my defence i pushed him away for months, and still we fell in love, but now he's gone. I know i am amongst women here who have been shat on, i was one of them. I just know now, that life isn't bloody simple and hearts and flowers and marriage is forever. I know that believe me. I trusted someone again, and now he has let me down, i was alone for 6 yrs and thought i had sorted out good from bad, but hey i went down a shitty path.

I am just extremely annoyed with myself for thinking we were on the same page. Yet when it's come to it, he can't be with me.

This is ok, i want him to be happy, but he isn't. has banged on for months that it's only me he feels he can have a future with. i need to vent here becuase rightnow i am falling apart, and yes i do feel sad, and i also feel stupid.

[piratecat]

hi thanks.

still a bit shocked today by this feeling or rather this numb weirdness. Yet trying to do all i can not to slide down mentally. I am on anti depressants anyway.

It's my birthday on saturday and have just arranged to go over to a mates for the evening/night to get out of here. dd will be coming too and its only 8 miles away but seems like a holiday to me.!

Me and my friend are going to go to the cinema, for a Johnny Depp fix. her partner will look after dd. i am really pleased i have a plan as it was looming a bit, and i din't want to be on my own. I get out so rarely.

I am feeling relief too at the moment that this has concluded, as i can concentrate on one feeling iyswim.

[lowercase]

why not make a cake with DD?

celebrate the day anyway (force yourself)

blow up some balloons.
wear a silly hat.
fake smile.

do other things you like, is there a book you want? even a self help / health one?

do you drink?
get your favourite tipple / chocolate / whatever

[piratecat]

thanks lowercase, i have some plans for tomorrow, and will try to make the most of time with me and dd.

Although its 'Always time with me and dd' if you know what i mean, i must remember to feel blessed i have her.

Very down today, as the days go by it seems to get harder, and i have been going over stuff in my head. Need to put some things to bed, and other things i have to re evaluate, i know it's something i have to do for my sanity.

I am the sort of person who gets over things by replaying things in order, and working thru. otherwise it's all too overwhelming, this longing for him .

[MrsS01]

Piratecat - i know exactly how you are feeling and am in a similar situation. I was seeing a bloke who was separated - my instincts told me he wasn't over his wife but he kept telling me he was ready to move on. The relationship went faster than I wanted, kids met each other etc, he talked about moving in together etc etc. I half expected him to tell me at Xmas he was going back to her but he didn't and we went away for new year. I was just feeling relaxed that it could be and we had a great time but the next day he told me he couldn't get over his wife - hurts like hell.

[MrsS01]

Piratecat - i know exactly how you are feeling and am in a similar situation. I was seeing a bloke who was separated - my instincts told me he wasn't over his wife but he kept telling me he was ready to move on. The relationship went faster than I wanted, kids met each other etc, he talked about moving in together etc etc. I half expected him to tell me at Xmas he was going back to her but he didn't and we went away for new year. I was just feeling relaxed that it could be and we had a great time but the next day he told me he couldn't get over his wife - hurts like hell that he could tell me all those things and then do that.

Even more so as I finished with a bloke for him as he was telling me all these things about forever and the other bloke wasn't - and now I miss the other bloke more and wish I hadn't finished it :(

I keep hanging on to that neither of them were right for me

[piratecat]

sorry for you, i know it hurts.

I wonder why you went for him, was it that promise of being settled down?

It is so hard to know your own mind sometimes, that part of it freaks me out.

It's my birthday tomorrow, as i have mentioned, and i wonder if i will hear anything.

It would be best not to, for it would only cause more of the rollercoaster catch 22 suffering i have been in. Yet at the same time its going to be a tough one not to hear from him.

I hate this freefall.

I am sorry your man let you down.x

[MrsS01]

yes it was the promise of forever I think. With the bloke I was already with it was a ldr so we didn't see each other much - I thought that was what I wanted, but then the new bloke seemed to offer more. I think he just wanted family life back and wanted to replace his wife with me, then realised it couldn't be so and he misses his wife.

I'm okay just wanted to know you're not alone, dating is hard, but I think each time you do it you learn a bit more about what you really want.

Its a roller coaster.

Hope you have a good day tomorrow and keep posting if it helps.

[ninah]

no advice pc just a hi
and happy birthday for tomorrow

[Anngeree]

Hi pirate,
Bn there myself fell for someone who was already in a relationship had a dd 2yo. He was a work colleague aswell, perhaps other people could see the chemistry before I noticed it because another colleague made a point of informing me he was in a relationship I remember being quite indignent at the time (there was nothing going on at that point) but he chased after me, everyone knew he was unhappy in the relationship he was in. A mutual friend pushed us together in the end, i'd tried to keep my distance but ended up falling for him skip 4mth I find out i'm pregnant suddenly his relationship with his partner is great he "isn't leaving her now" Again I could understand him not wanting to leave his daughter esp as he had little contact with his children from his first relationship due to him having an affair with the partner he was with. He seemed so sincere made mistakes in the past didn't want to make them again,he told me he loved me, I would meet his children etc. I brought up the subject of safe sex I got the response "I don't like using anything" and mistakenly took that for he would support me if it happened because I was ready to be a Mum I felt like he was the one but when I found out i was pregnant he told a mutual friend he could leave his partner but not his daughter he changed jobs, phone no. didnt answer mobile.He did tell his partner but she forgave him. Ds is 7 now and has never met his dad he pays CSA but that it as far as he's concerned. I blamed myself for so long for making my son do without a dad but i've come to realise he was only interested in one thing and everything he told me was what I wanted to hear and that he was a fault when he knew he wouldnt be able to commit to a relationship with anyone else.
What i'm basically saying pirate is you're not alone your not the only one whose made the mistake we all want to be loved (what's so wrong with that?) we played with fire and got our fingers burnt. It hurts like hell the only thing that got me through was my ds and your kids will get you through too.
If he's serious about not wanting to hurt you ask him to stop texting as hard as it may be he's stopping you from moving on while he's keeping in touch.
Sending (((hugs))) take care.

[piratecat]

hi angerree, thanks for sharing.

What a difficult and upsetting time for you. Like you said, it is the kids that light your day and get you thru.

He last text me monday. this is the longest we have had with no contact.

It's becuase he has finally woken up to the hurt he has caused me, that he is seriously letting me go now. Before, it was back and fore all the time. Before i got very annoyed, did some swearing and said enough.

It just reminds me of that horrible place i was in when dh left me. The finality. Different in some ways becuase dh just said thats it, i don't love you and refused to discuss ten yrs of life together.

This hurts becuase i know this man loves me.

[ChasingSquirrels]

hang in there PC, I know you want to hear from him today - but it really is better if you don't.
Happy Birthday, and hope today is as good as it can be.

[lowercase]

Happy Birthday Pirate!


seize the day!