I know I will be flamed but I need some advice on this please.

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Right will try to keep it brief.

Have been single for nearly 6yrs and when I say single I mean completely and utterly so. No interest whatsoever.

Then all of a sudden about 6mths ago I had a flurry of interest but all from married men or men with gf's, and I told them all where to go as I knew most of their other halves.

Anyhow, one bit of interest was from a bloke I used to work with. He is 9yrs (I am 32) younger than me and has a gf who is 19 and away at uni during term time.

When i worked with him we got on really really well, but at that point I was with xp, and he was only 18.

So we started chatting on fb, mainly because i needed a ref from him for my new job, and he started flirting. To be quite honest I thought he was taking the piss out of me and probably having a laff with his mates about it, but he convinced me otherwise and he eventually came round to my house for a drink. He stayed until the early hours of the morning that time. I didn't sleep with him but I have since, 4 times.

He has been quite honest from the start that all he wanted was a bit of fun and that is it. I told myself that it was fine, and I was ok with it, but each time he comes round, he leaves and then ignores me for weeks on end.

Back in June, he came and stayed all night and we had a fab night, and to me it was more than just sex, but then he left and ignored me again. I txt him and told him never to contact me again and he said he would delete my number.

Then a few weeks ago he got back in touch and I was strong for a while, ignored his tetxs. But then i started to reply and got drawn in again, and he came round and spent the night again.
TThe usual happened, and he ignored me and i told him to fuck off etc etc, but he is now back txting, drawing me in again and unbelivably, he has just said that he needs me to know that this will never be more than no strings fun, and thats it. I found myself saying yes i knew, and thats ok.

Wtf is wrong with me ?? I am sleeping with someone who has a gf, who doesn't give two hoots about me and who i definitely feel more than no strings for.

I know I deserve whatever I get but fgs this is so not me and I am not sure how I got here or how to stop.

Cubacat - No i didn't expect that at all so give over with the faces.

I have already deleted his number now, so if that is how you blacklist numbers on my phone, then I can't do it.

Nutcracker - I think I can understand how you were/are feeling. It's very hard when things are generally a bit dull and there's only one person who's providing any little peak of excitement. It's hard to let that go even when it's the right thing to do (which it clearly is).

I know you've said that counselling isn't your thing but there is something that's holding you back/destroying your confidence. Do you have anyone you could talk to to try to get the bottom of this?

No, not really jingle. I will be ok. I am one of those people that will just plod on.

I never ever expected him to turn around and declare undying love for me, or for it to become any more than it was. Even if he was single he would still have only wanted no strings. I think he was ashamed of the fact that he was even seeing me tbh, and not because he has a gf.

At least I now know that I am not the type of person that can do no strings sex, so at least I learnt something lol.

And you are right jingle, it is hard to let it go. When he was here I felt like me, not just a mum of 3, with next to no life and that feeling was something I liked.

He is possibly buggering off to australia for a year next year anyway (his gf doesn't know that either) so that's another reason that it was pointless.

Dont mean to be harsh but I am a believer in treating others how you would like to be treated. If you wouldn't like someone sleeping with your boyfriend then it isnt the right action. I cant see why you would want to spend time with someone who is a cheat and you dont know if he tells you the truth.
Get some self respect for yourself and believe that you deserve much better, If you are invisable when you go out, go talk to men and make them notice you!!.

I am really sorry you are going through this, I know how hard it is.

I understand where the posters are coming from who say 'plenty more where that came from' - they are trying to be nice and positive but it comes across as a bit platitudinous as I don't think that is true. At least not plenty of worthwhile ones.

It is difficult to try and stay positive whilst acknowledging reality. All I can say is that being single and celibate must be better than what he is offering you. You shouldn't be someone's dirty little secret and if you get obsessed with him you might miss a real opportunity when it comes your way.

Sorry, you probably already know all this, but like you say it helps to see it in black and white. If it helps, you are not alone. But I would rather live in hope than in a crappy relationship.

If you want excitement and danger, go to the free sites looking for intimate experiences - I'm sure you will get lots of attention and it will make you feel alot better.

But for god's sake meet someone who likes you and respects you so that you won't end up feeling used and hurt.

Oh and someone single would help too!!!!

Hey spero you aren't on the right dating sites lol!

I can't even answer all the emails I get! But you are right finding someone you really feel something for and like and respect and want to be with is not as easy as getting however many emails a day...

But I'm holding out for a good one...