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Original poster

I know I will be flamed but I need some advice on this please.

58 replies

TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:21

Right will try to keep it brief.

Have been single for nearly 6yrs and when I say single I mean completely and utterly so. No interest whatsoever.

Then all of a sudden about 6mths ago I had a flurry of interest but all from married men or men with gf's, and I told them all where to go as I knew most of their other halves.

Anyhow, one bit of interest was from a bloke I used to work with. He is 9yrs (I am 32) younger than me and has a gf who is 19 and away at uni during term time.

When i worked with him we got on really really well, but at that point I was with xp, and he was only 18.

So we started chatting on fb, mainly because i needed a ref from him for my new job, and he started flirting. To be quite honest I thought he was taking the piss out of me and probably having a laff with his mates about it, but he convinced me otherwise and he eventually came round to my house for a drink. He stayed until the early hours of the morning that time. I didn't sleep with him but I have since, 4 times.

He has been quite honest from the start that all he wanted was a bit of fun and that is it. I told myself that it was fine, and I was ok with it, but each time he comes round, he leaves and then ignores me for weeks on end.

Back in June, he came and stayed all night and we had a fab night, and to me it was more than just sex, but then he left and ignored me again. I txt him and told him never to contact me again and he said he would delete my number.

Then a few weeks ago he got back in touch and I was strong for a while, ignored his tetxs. But then i started to reply and got drawn in again, and he came round and spent the night again.
TThe usual happened, and he ignored me and i told him to fuck off etc etc, but he is now back txting, drawing me in again and unbelivably, he has just said that he needs me to know that this will never be more than no strings fun, and thats it. I found myself saying yes i knew, and thats ok.

Wtf is wrong with me ?? I am sleeping with someone who has a gf, who doesn't give two hoots about me and who i definitely feel more than no strings for.

I know I deserve whatever I get but fgs this is so not me and I am not sure how I got here or how to stop.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/12/2010 20:24

You REALLY need to take the bull by the horns with this and cut this guy off for good.

He.is.using.you.

If you're fine with that, and you're using him back, that's fair enough. But that's not how it is.

Change your SIM card if you have to and block him entirely from having any way of contacting you.

He's a dicksmack cheater, anyhow.

seekingreassurance · 26/12/2010 20:25

Cut all contact now. I imagine you're flattered by the attention, as anyone would be, but you need to have more respect both for you, and his girlfriend. You won't be the only woman he has on the side I'm sure, so make sure you're being safe too.
If you're ready to date then by all means date. Just not with this man.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:26

You are right, I do need to cut him off.

Problem is though that then I go back to nothing, and i'm not sure which is worse tbh.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/12/2010 20:27

This is worse. He's treating you and his girlfriend like dogshit.

usualsuspect · 26/12/2010 20:29

You know hes using you..its not making you happy though ..so you might as well cut him off completely

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:29

No one wants to date me, so thats not an issue.

He has said he isn't sleeping with anyone else, but I am not daft enough to believe that.

I know I am being used and it hurts, alot because i never thought he was that type of bloke. Suppose that's how i got reeled in.

I'm not flattered by the attention anymore either. I was in the start I think, but not now.

I just love it when he is here, thats it.

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2010 20:32

you are a blow up doll to him.

you are a recepticle for his dick and that's it.

leaving aside what he is choosing to do to a woman he supposedly loves (his girlfriend), he is using you as an aid to masturbation as though you were nothing.

How do you feel about that?

expatinscotland · 26/12/2010 20:33

Do you love the fact he might be making fun of you and his girlfriend to his mates, thinking he's such a player?

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:35

I feel shite about it.

To know that he is only interested in me for sex, makes me feel like less than nothing.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 26/12/2010 20:36

So cut him off ..tell yourself you are worth much more

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:37

No, i was wrong about his mates. I am pretty sure they don't kn ow anything about it, because they are all alo mates of his gf's.

He deleted me from fb because he didn't trust me to not post anything I shouldn't even though I said I wouldn't.

He has also rung mates from here before and lied about where he is.

Oh onemate of his does know, but thats because I told them. He doesn't know that this bloke knows though.

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2010 20:38

you are less than nothing to him, that's why he feels it is ok to come use your body when he wants sex.

And you let him.

You are worth more than to be treated like that.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 20:39

oh he is using you. you know that? you are nothing but an oriface to him. don't let him do it. be a woman, tell him you aren't interested in being a sex toy. cut him out and leave space in your life for the right person. while he is here, you will not let anyone else in.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:40

Telling yourself you are worth more when that is all you have been offered in 6yrs is hard though, honestly.

I split from an ex who is a twat, and now I sit wondering if that was maybe the best I was ever going to get. Was I ever meant to get more ? Be happy, or be in live ?

Splitting with my ex was the right thing to do, no question, but in all honesty, if I had known i'd be single for this long I probably would never have done it. It has crushed what little self confidence I had.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/12/2010 20:40

What Hec said.

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 26/12/2010 20:42

Then revert back to doing with out him and get your pride back....and why on earth would you think that no one will date you?

You need to work on your self esteem and this lousy cock knocking spunk trumpet isn't going to help in that battle at all.

Do you have some friends you can go out with, enjoy life with and who make you feel good?

usualsuspect · 26/12/2010 20:42

I understand how you feel really ,but better to be single than settle for the dregs

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:46

No one who I am ever interested in is ever interested in me, and when I do go out I might aswell be invisible.

I do wish I had never started this though, it is like a bloody drug now.

OP posts:
maktaitai · 26/12/2010 20:53

You had a 'flurry of interest' 6 months ago. Did something happen then, or change, in your life or in you?

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 26/12/2010 20:54

And that is exactly what he is banking on...knowing that you'll be there feeling despondent and let him in.

He is not a nice person and think about how little respect he has for you and what his girlfriend would think of you?

Come on, you know you need to end this.

Why don't you try a dating site, or write to a forces guy. Doesn't even have to lead somewhere, just some flirting to get your confidence back.

It has hard being single I know but there is no affection or emotion in this, he is just doing you for want of a better phrase. This would be fine if you were both single consenting adults but it sounds as if you are falling a little bit for him and now the relationship is unequal. Over all things he is in a relationship that you know about and that is unfair to the innocent party in this.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:54

I have no idea what happened 6mths ago other than that I had my hair cut lol. Oh I did lose a stone too, although I wasn't that overweight to begin with.

It died down after about a month and I never did figure out what the sudden attraction was.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 20:56

Oh I fell for him ages ago.

I have tried online dating, but all I ever get is replies from aged about 50-65, or idiots.

I did have one other bloke interested in me, but it became quickly clear that he had a drink problem, and so I stopped that going any further. Wasn't really into him anyway.

OP posts:
Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 26/12/2010 20:57

But it was there which means you are attractive and you can meet men for a prospective relationship.

You need to put yourself in a position to do this and feel good about yourself.

Be strong and kick him to the curb.

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 26/12/2010 21:02

delete his number and ignore him. he is just looking for somewhere to stick his willy when his gf isnt about.

and has it really been 6yrs? that has gone fast (its misdee btw)

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 26/12/2010 21:03

Hi Misdee, how are you ??

It has been 6yrs yep, well it will be in Feb.

I'd have to change my number, because even if i delete him and ask him not to txt me, he does eventually anyway.

OP posts: