I know I will be flamed but I need some advice on this please.

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Right will try to keep it brief.

Have been single for nearly 6yrs and when I say single I mean completely and utterly so. No interest whatsoever.

Then all of a sudden about 6mths ago I had a flurry of interest but all from married men or men with gf's, and I told them all where to go as I knew most of their other halves.

Anyhow, one bit of interest was from a bloke I used to work with. He is 9yrs (I am 32) younger than me and has a gf who is 19 and away at uni during term time.

When i worked with him we got on really really well, but at that point I was with xp, and he was only 18.

So we started chatting on fb, mainly because i needed a ref from him for my new job, and he started flirting. To be quite honest I thought he was taking the piss out of me and probably having a laff with his mates about it, but he convinced me otherwise and he eventually came round to my house for a drink. He stayed until the early hours of the morning that time. I didn't sleep with him but I have since, 4 times.

He has been quite honest from the start that all he wanted was a bit of fun and that is it. I told myself that it was fine, and I was ok with it, but each time he comes round, he leaves and then ignores me for weeks on end.

Back in June, he came and stayed all night and we had a fab night, and to me it was more than just sex, but then he left and ignored me again. I txt him and told him never to contact me again and he said he would delete my number.

Then a few weeks ago he got back in touch and I was strong for a while, ignored his tetxs. But then i started to reply and got drawn in again, and he came round and spent the night again.
TThe usual happened, and he ignored me and i told him to fuck off etc etc, but he is now back txting, drawing me in again and unbelivably, he has just said that he needs me to know that this will never be more than no strings fun, and thats it. I found myself saying yes i knew, and thats ok.

Wtf is wrong with me ?? I am sleeping with someone who has a gf, who doesn't give two hoots about me and who i definitely feel more than no strings for.

I know I deserve whatever I get but fgs this is so not me and I am not sure how I got here or how to stop.

Well... you decided to get your hair cut (presumably - I'm assuming you weren't randomly scalped on the street ). And you decided to lose a stone (unless you were ill...[hedges bets]). Something shifted in you to say 'darn it, I would like to look different, I deserve this' or whatever. Then you had a lot of interest, but you noticed it coming from people who were otherwise attached and that sense of change or adventure or self-confidence was curdled in you.

Let's look at this another way.... people who have a lot to lose are interested in you. People who already have functioning sex lives, partners in life, all the bells and whistles, like you so much that they want to be with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad you're not into being the other woman, but try to look at it as a compliment?

would it be a big deal to change your number? I have changed mine 3 times this year (broken phones and took over dh contract)

That is a different way of looking at it i suppose. Hadn't looked at it like that.

The weight loss tbh was kicked off by him being interested, because I lost my appetite with all the excitment lol. I then carried it on and lost a stone. Have put half back on though.

I can delete his number, and I can change mine. I will still bump into him though because he works in a shop I go in regularly, although I do try to go when he isn't there.

OK with regard to him - think of him as often as you like, with his girlfriend. Do you know her? If not you'll have to make up what she looks like. Every time he's in your mind, think of him with her.

Apply yourself to dating properly, and set filters on your dating account to stop dirty old men even contacting you.

MY GOD woman! Men should be crawling on their knees for a sniff of your panties! Bear that in mind when you are dealing with them! raise one eyebrow, smile mysteriously, then barely give them the time of day!

You are worth SO much more than this useless prick.

Don't know about the number thingy. I am with Virgin on a contract, will have to find out.

and fgs nutty, your are f-ing gorgeous!!!

i have a good memory

you are worth more.

I don't know her no, but I do know what she looks like.

It's funny, cos I think that she deserves better, but I don't.

I am no good at online dating colditz. I am really really rubbish honestly. The reason I ended up going down this route i think, is because I already knew him, so it was easy.

I am shy beyond belief, although that might seem hard to believe given what I am doing, but I am.

Aww thank's Misdee lol

Listen to misdee. She's very wise.By the way nutty you are clearly really lovely and very bright and funny. You have so much to be confident about.

I know it's hard but think of it like this - do you still want to be in this situation in 6 months, 12 months, 2 years, 5 years? If the answer is yes, carry on being shit on. If it's no, end it for good. Now. Can you not blacklist his number? That way texts won't come through even if he sends them.

Thank's, I wish I could feel confident.

I expected my confidence to soar once I split with xp but it actually got worse and worse.

I passed my driving test last year and then lost my confidence after a bump and now won't drive.

I have at least found the confidence to get a job and keep it, which sounds easy, but it is the hardest thing I have done in a long time, especially when i have sometimes wanted to get off the bus and run in the opposite direction lol.

How to you blacklist a number ?

get back behind the wheel ASAP nutty! you learn to drive wa s ahuge obstecle in your life before. do a little refresher course if you have to, or ask someone to sit with you.

do it!

I can't afford to atm misdee. Me having a bump caused my insurance to rocket to over £1000 and I couldn't afford that and a bus pass for work.

I can't drive to work btw because it is in the city centre and costs to much to park and also there isn't enough spaces.

My car is sat rotting on the drive.

I am going to spend the next 6mths paying a few small debts off and then see if I can afford to insure it again then.

make sure you shop around for insurence.

we dont have a car (havent for over a year) as cant afford one either. i really miss it though.

Oh my goodness nut he's only a bloke! Plenty more where that one came from. Try looking into the eyes of every suitable man you walk past and smiling see how many smiles you get back. That should boost your confidence.

And try telling yourself you are amazing confident and good looking in the mirror every day, it worked for my ex!

Maybe break out of your every day routine and actually get to know men before chatting them up?

There is too much pressure if you are shy and friendship is a good way to go!

I personally would not go for a relationship where you feel vulnerable, used or with potential to be humiliated its a risky game and gambling with your emotions is a bad idea.

I think you know you deserve better than that nutcracker, just have the strength to bellieve you will find someone decent and then do everything in your power to find someone!

Ahh beingset up 'plentymore where that came from' if only that were true lol.

I have given up on finding anyone tbh. I try not to even think about it at all nowadays because it is pointless. If it hasn't happened in 6yrs then why should it ever happen ?

I will tell this bloke to leave me alone and then carry on as before, which is very boring, but at least I know where I stand every day lol.

Counselling isn't really my thing tbh.

I did start anti d's last month though which has helped a bit.

Anyhow, have just txt him saying that actually i can't do no strings and not to contact me again.

There is a younger guy who is sexually attracted to you, you also got a lot of attention after you cut your hair. Obviously you have appeal it's just unfortunate that you are wasting your time on a guy who just wants to use you.

So your not good on dating sites, then try some activities where you can meet new people, just be yourself rather than out on a mission to catch a man.

Your going to have to be much firmer and stick to your guns this time you have already given in before so it's likely this guy will continue to contact you anyway.

Behave confidently let him know your mind and let him see the conviction in your choice so he knows there is no way he can wiggle back in, you have to let him know this.

You are all so right. So why do I now feel so shit.

He didn't even reply to my txt lol. Instantly forgotten.

Thank's to all for the good advice last night. It was all things that I already knew, I think I just needed to see it written down in black and white.

He hasn't replied to my txt telling him that I couldn't do no strings and I don't expect him to. I do though expect him to contact me once his gf goes back to uni in Jan.

I'm not going to change my number, I am just going to find some willpower lol.

I do feel sad that I won't see him again, but it is for the best, I know.

"He didn't even reply to my txt lol. Instantly forgotten."
You told him not to contact you again. He hasn't. Surely that's what you wanted? Or did you expect him to immediately text back declaring undying love and begging you to be his only woman?! If you are serious about stopping contact (and tbh I'm not sure you are), delete all his texts, delete his number and get his number blacklisted/blocked.

"How to you blacklist a number?"
I have an htc desire and on mine you open your text inbox and press and hold on the contact you want to blacklist. A list of options pops up including blacklist. Just press it. Not sure about other phones but a quick look in the instructions or call to the network operator should help. The network operator may even be able to block certain numbers from coming through.