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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

He won't pay rent

19 replies

splashy · 22/11/2010 22:37

..despite us both being on the lease. Would I be unreasonable to courier his belongings back to him? I don't see why I should be storing them for him.

Background is that I'm a single mum to our 8 week old daughter, we are still married. He is determined to pay the bare minimum for her, and has visited her twice since she was born. Took paid paternity leave and did nothing for her, didn't even visit during it.

Am very angry at him, so realise I may not be reasonable. Would I be wrong to send him his things seeing as he's not paying rent? He says he's on the lease so it's his place too, but I think that the fact that he's not paying rent means that it's not, he cant have it both ways!

If I'm being unreasonable I will accept it, just want honest opinions (be nice please!)

OP posts:

Original poster

splashy · 22/11/2010 22:39

also just to point out i live in a small 1 bed flat with my daughter so need space for her things, it's not just that i'm angry at him.

OP posts:

alarkaspree · 22/11/2010 22:40

You're definitely not being unreasonable, but you should take steps to have him removed from the lease. If you're not together, it is not 'his place too'!

In fact, what are you thinking? Tell him that he has a week to collect his belongings, then you will throw them out. Why should you pay for a courier?

NonnoMum · 22/11/2010 22:42

Where does he live then if you want to send him his things?
With his parents? Is he 14?
How are you managing to pay the rent?
Congrats on your daughter btw.

why on earth would anyone think you were being unreasonable for asking the father of our child to be a man?

Original poster

splashy · 22/11/2010 22:48

i have tried asking him to collect his things, he has refused. feel i would be being too vindictive to throw them out.

he does live with his mum, who has an incredible control over him, but that's another issue altogether!! he is giving her more money than he is proposing that he pays in child support for her, which shows that his priorities are completely wrong, but of course he doesn't see that.

i think i would think im wrong because he is telling me this so much that i start to believe it. i do see him as a nasty piece of work now, but that took me a very long time.

OP posts:

Original poster

splashy · 22/11/2010 22:50

im managing rent now with savings and am applying for housing benefit. am a student so have very little income. he is working on a good wage.

OP posts:

NonnoMum · 22/11/2010 22:56

CSA.

HappyWithLife · 22/11/2010 23:11

I'm in a very similar situation. My ex left because he took up with his ex girlfriend...fortunately for us we had just signed a joint lease (about a week prior). He expected me and my 3 children to move out, but I refused on the grounds that it would be easier for him to find and fund somewhere else to live. he refused for a while but eventually moved out.
The letting agents won't take him off the joint lease so he refuses to give me back the door keys, he has absolutely nothing of his in the house (he cleaned me out, even took all the food in the cupboards) so has no reason to be able to get in. I've argued that if he has and wants the keys and therefore access then he should pay half the rent but he won't. Absolutely nothing I can do about it.

CubaCat · 22/11/2010 23:16

I would go and see a solicitor to discuss where you stand legally. Most will give you a free half hour, although it sounds from your circumstances that you may well be entitled to legal aid. One thing is for certain, you can't go on like this. His mother may not want his crap things cluttering her house up but tough shit - he can't expect you to store his stuff indefinitely. Get to a solicitor ASAP. Also, agree with the poster who mentioned CSA - apply now. Also apply for tax credits if you haven't already, and tell the council you are single person for council tax purposes.

SparklingExplosionGoldBrass · 22/11/2010 23:19

Yes, get some legal advice. It may be best for you to move out of the current home and get yourself somewhere else to live, somewhere his name is not on the lease so you do not have to risk him deciding that he wants to come and live in the flat again no matter what you think.

HystericalMe · 22/11/2010 23:22

Tell him his stuff is at the door in bin bags.

Ebay anything worth ebaying!

ohsleepyone · 23/11/2010 00:14

He has made it quite clear he doesnt give a stuff about u or ure dd(congrats) so why should u worry about him, i want to tell u to just chuck his stuff but i think in all honesty i wouldnt like to do that either, begrudgingly get a courier to take his stuff and change the locks, then seek advice as to take name of lease, tho surely u'd need to be moving soon if only in a one bed? good luck!! xx

also HappyWithLife I'd change the locks in your situation too, even if he never tried to come into your home, it would drive me mad knowing he has a key! buy a new barrel and change the locks and give letting agents new key! grrr some blokes have some front dont they!!

gillybean2 · 23/11/2010 03:05

Not sure you can change locks without landlord's permission. And if he's on the lease then they may have to give him a key anyhow.

Tell the landlord you have separated and he has moved out and you will be paying the rent yourself in future. Ask for the lease to be amended accordingly and for locks to be changed and perhaps offer top pay for cost of lock change if landlord gets funny about that.

HappyWithLife · 23/11/2010 07:49

The letting agent has told me, off the record, that I'm not allowed to change the locks but if the key were to break in the lock 'accidentally', and I bought a new barrel and replaced it, as long as I guve the letting agents a new key that would be ok. Anyone know how easy it is to change a barrel?

Niceguy2 · 23/11/2010 08:41

It all depends on what sort of lock it is. Is it a yale type lock, a mortice lock or one from a UPVC door?

None are particularly hard. Usually just a few screws. You can pick replacement barrels up from ebay cheaply enough.

When my ex left, I changed the locks on my door. Cost me about a tenner for each replacement barrel and about 5 mins to fit both.

Jux · 23/11/2010 08:44

Can you talk to your landlord and get him off the lease?

HappyWithLife · 23/11/2010 09:07

Niceguy...it's just a yale lock.
jux was that to me? If so then letting agent won't take him off the lease as I am a higher risk than him financially and if I default on the rent they can still chase him for it.

Niceguy2 · 23/11/2010 09:17

Hi Happy

Find out who the manufacturer is (should be on the lock) and then have a look on ebay for replacement cylinder's. Should be plenty there.

As for the lease, have you been there for long? What I'd suggest is wait until the lease is up then speak to the landlord directly. Your ex wont be around to sign the new lease anyway so the problem will resolve itself.

As an ex-landlord there is only two things we care about:

We want rent paid on time
We don't want the house trashed

Assuming you have a good track record of paying on time then most landlords will look past the credit checks which frankly are pretty crap anyway.

Hazeleyedbaby · 23/11/2010 09:22

Splashy - yes get a courier arranged asap!

Happy - if you keep a key in the door at all times then he shouldn't be able to unlock it from the outside?

Original poster

splashy · 23/11/2010 14:24

I will be staying here for a while as despite it being a 1 bed I don't think I could afford 2 bedrooms (london) even if I do get HB I know most landlords won't accept that if they know you receiving HB. Just hoping that as I have been here for a while it should be fine.

Am in contact with a solicitor for the divorce and will be trying to get him off the lease as part of the divorce.

Agree with the key thing, don't feel comfortable with him having keys, but the lock on my door couldn't be easily replaced - its a high tech reinforced door, wouldn't have a clue how to go about it. Also I know he technically has a right to have keys seeing as he's on the lease. He has threatened to take the furniture, but I think that is an empty threat as he has nowhere to put it and it would be vicious to leave me without even a bed when I have a newborn.

As for ebaying his stuff, none of it is worth anything. Mostly old clothes and battered paperbacks. Things he doesn't really want but he would still blow his top if I disposed of it.

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