How To Get Him Out Of Our Lives

[Danielle1982]

Hi,

I'm new to this and need some advice.

I am a new mother to a beautiful DD that was the result of a 3 month relationship. After he had ended it, I found out I was pregnant and stupidly informed him. He agreed to stand by me and the child and I was keen to start a family and be a proper unit. This was not to be, however and I quickly realised that he was not keen to be a part of my life, but to simply have an involvement with DD.

Several weeks of friendship and meeting his family and my family etc, I met someone else. It was halfway through my pregnancy. My new boyfriend was there throughout, put a roof over our heads, provided everything I needed and is a real dad to DD. When DD was born I tried to get rid of biological father by telling him that he wasn't the father and that I'd had a DNA test with the real father. Meanwhile I'd constructed a perfect little world; telling friends and family that new boyfriend was the father etc etc.

He's since dragged me through the courts, causing so much friction for me within the family, took it upon himself to put his name on DD's birth cert, and got awarded contact and PR. I am totally against this. He did not know my address and even served the initial court papers at a toddler group I used to take my DD to.

I don't know what to do. I don't want him affecting our lives anymore. I want him to go and leave us alone to enjoy the perfect little family that we have now.

What do I do?

This is an interesting post - I used to post on Mumsnet regularly but left because I felt there was no sympathy or understanding for a parent (who happened to be a father...) who had an ex who did their best to cut them out of their child's life.

Have to say, with one or two notable exceptions I'm really heartened by the responses.

In the 4 years my ex left without warning and took my son (and from what I know for another man who my son is now being taught to call `Daddy') it's obvious it's not about men versus women - it's about good parents against bad ones.

Only idiots side with someone because they happen to be the same gender as themselves. That is a moronic point of view.

Show me the proverbial `abusive and controlling' ex husband/partner and I'll show his female counterpart who is no better, no worse.

The bottom line is - anyone who does anything where a kid is involved other than for that kid's best interests they are abusing that child. It's got nothing to with gender.

Dan - been there, done that, got the 9 court orders (3 1/2 year case, son dragged 300 miles halfway across the country, nearly (literally) bankrupted, grandparents devastated, son cut off from his entire paternal family). I am a Families Need Fathers member and they're a great help.

I'd recommend you join if you haven't done so already. To the single mums who have useless exs (and there are some of them out there - but there are also ones who you don't understand him in the same way he doesn't understand him too) I'd recommend you give it a look too. The charity is about ensuring children have meaningful relationships with both parents following seperation.

Finally...people often pick up on the name: It is not all about fathers. A third of the membership are women - single mothers, stepmothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, daughters and the like. Over the years it has evolved and now the charity is stuck with the dilemma of changing a (relatively) well known name to a more inclusive (but unknown one).