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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How To Get Him Out Of Our Lives

51 replies

Danielle1982 · 11/09/2010 16:55

Hi,

I'm new to this and need some advice.

I am a new mother to a beautiful DD that was the result of a 3 month relationship. After he had ended it, I found out I was pregnant and stupidly informed him. He agreed to stand by me and the child and I was keen to start a family and be a proper unit. This was not to be, however and I quickly realised that he was not keen to be a part of my life, but to simply have an involvement with DD.

Several weeks of friendship and meeting his family and my family etc, I met someone else. It was halfway through my pregnancy. My new boyfriend was there throughout, put a roof over our heads, provided everything I needed and is a real dad to DD. When DD was born I tried to get rid of biological father by telling him that he wasn't the father and that I'd had a DNA test with the real father. Meanwhile I'd constructed a perfect little world; telling friends and family that new boyfriend was the father etc etc.

He's since dragged me through the courts, causing so much friction for me within the family, took it upon himself to put his name on DD's birth cert, and got awarded contact and PR. I am totally against this. He did not know my address and even served the initial court papers at a toddler group I used to take my DD to.

I don't know what to do. I don't want him affecting our lives anymore. I want him to go and leave us alone to enjoy the perfect little family that we have now.

What do I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

amberleaf · 11/09/2010 17:02

You are having a laugh right?

Niceguy2 · 11/09/2010 17:02

What can you do? How about growing up for starters!

From the sounds of things you want him out of your life for no other reason than you have another man.

From what you've said, he's done absolutely nothing wrong except to have been stupid enough to sleep with you. What's wrong with him wanting to get to know his daughter. Yes, it's his daughter too.

In your mind, you've built this perfect little world but it was based on lies and now you seem to resent the fact the truth came out. He didn't lie, you did.

You say your new BF is a real dad to your DD. Well perhaps its because you won't give your ex the chance to.

Personally I wish your ex the best of luck.

Llamasarequadrapeds · 11/09/2010 17:02

I'm not sure there is anything you can do. He IS her father and he has a right to see her. You have no right to stop this contact.

I'm afraid I feel he did the right thing, he wants to see his daughter and be there for her. I think this says a lot about him.

You can still have your new family, lots of women out there do it. Stop treating him like petty nusiance in your lives and let him be a father to his daughter.

insertexpletive · 11/09/2010 17:03

He is your dd's father - you may not like it, but you have to get used to it.

You have a new realationship now and that is great for you, but you can't just try and change history!

What on earth do you think you were doing by trying to lie about a DNA test? What gives you the right to try and deny this man the opportunity to be a parent to his daughter?
Was he violent? Abusive?

From the info in your post, you have created the problems, not your child's father and you need to gorw up a bit and accept the reality of your situation - your dd will have you and your new partner and her father in her life.

If you can be mature about this you can make it work.

insertexpletive · 11/09/2010 17:03

I really need to type faster

RunawayWife · 11/09/2010 17:04

Well you should have told your Ex he was just a sperm doner, poor man.

No matter how much you lie to yourself, your friends and family HE IS the father of the child not your new man.

He is as entitled to have a relationship with his child as you are, and I think you are selfish to try and shut him out, you are doing your child no favors.

Also maybe it would have been better to use a better form of contraception so as not to end up pregnant by and man you hardly knew.

amberleaf · 11/09/2010 17:04

He didnt want a relationship with you but has proved his commitment to his child-and you think you can just erase him from your childs life because it doesnt fit your plans??!!

RunawayWife · 11/09/2010 17:07

I feel sorry for him and more so for your child having such a vile pathetic excuse for a mother. grow up you stupid little girl

Original poster

Danielle1982 · 11/09/2010 17:07

Yeah,

Was expecting to see some more feminist bullshit crap your site is all about on here.

Quickest way to fuck a dad over and push him out of a child's life is what this site is all about isn't it?

I signed up to read the crap that you lot go on about, and I'm appalled that half of the threads on here are so fucking discriminatory it's unbelievable!

Wake up and smell the coffee, non-moms.

The days of having everything handed to you on a plate are coming to an end and highlighting the bias, discrimination and feminist governement, court systems, CSA and CAFCASS all that 'we're all about the children' bullshit they come out with when it's not the children that win at all, it's the mums.

OP posts:

warthog · 11/09/2010 17:10

this is like the twilight zone.

RunawayWife · 11/09/2010 17:11

TRIP TRAP

insertexpletive · 11/09/2010 17:16

So Danielle your illusions about MN have all been shattered then have they?

All of the above posts, without exception, talk about the importance of fathers. Shame you did not get to back up your own bigoted view isn't it?

Looks like you seriously need to re-think your views does it not?

Original poster

Danielle1982 · 11/09/2010 17:28

Yeah to be fair, everything I have posted is true (in the initial post). Except I was and am on the receiving end of it.

I was told that MN was a pro-mum, anti-dad place, and from what I had already read, I assumed that my ex's stance on things would get the same view. Unfortunately, feeling rather low about it all and a few beers later lead me to do this.

So apologies.

Think I may drink some more and take my car into to the nearest train track as not seeing my daughter will kill me a lot slower.

OP posts:

Dinghy · 11/09/2010 17:32

What on earth are you on about.

Everyone seems to be on the side of the dad (you, apparently).

CarGirl · 11/09/2010 17:33

I assume that you've joined families need fathers? They are certainly the place to join if you need legal advice and help to increase the contact you have with your dd.

Good luck getting the contact with your dd that you both deserve

WelcometotheJungle · 11/09/2010 17:36

Danielle - you should come back on another thread and ask for advice on what ails you.

There are a lot of people here who would be willing to overlook your pathetic attempt at 'showing MN for what it is' because it backfired on you terribly.

We know men do silly thing like that but there is a lot of heart here. If you care for your children there will be plenty here willing to help.

And yes, times have changed, it is about what's in the best interest of the child, not just immediately in the mother's favour.

amberleaf · 11/09/2010 17:39

"took it upon himself to put his name on DD's birth cert, and got awarded contact and PR."

He has PR and contact already.

CaptainNancy · 11/09/2010 17:39

erm- did you even read the replies? They were in bio-fathers favour.
You have obv been pushed aside because you are an idiot.

WelcometotheJungle · 11/09/2010 17:39

Stay on the thread, there really is great people willing to help anyone in need.

We've all been miserable and we all love our kids.

insertexpletive · 11/09/2010 17:40

I can see that you are hurting - hopefully alcohol is not going to fuel you into doing something stupid?

What advice have you had? You have a Contact Order I assume if you went to court. Are you actually getting to see your dd?

There are lots of dads (and mums) who can offer you support if you would like, but if you are being denied contact you need some good legal advice.

I know that the press would like to paint all mn'ers as knife weilding loonies, who don't care for, or respect men, but it really is not like that; although a thread with a good rant is always available.

pluperfect · 11/09/2010 17:44

Sorry, Danielle, I don't understand your reply. What on earth does this mean?

"Was expecting to see some more feminist bullshit crap your site is all about on here.

Quickest way to fuck a dad over and push him out of a child's life is what this site is all about isn't it?

I signed up to read the crap that you lot go on about, and I'm appalled that half of the threads on here are so fucking discriminatory it's unbelievable!"

If you are cross that people are point out that your DD's father is her father (which is the gist of your OP), what does "Was expecting to see some more feminist bullshit crap your site is all about on here." mean?

Does it mean that you were expecting a "kick-ass feminist response of 'hang the man by his testicle-threads'?"

Oh, er Sorry you didn't get that; perhaps you ought to have written a few replies to us, to show us what you wanted. You would probably still not have got what you wanted, because other posters are being sensible, humane and unselfish. And the only unwanted fathers that we should be able to get rid of legally are those who pose a danger to us or to our children. We are not wasting our sympathy for that on your situation. Sorry.

insertexpletive · 11/09/2010 17:54

pluperfect - the op is the Dad...

EricNorthmansmistress · 11/09/2010 17:58

Danielle appears to be the father of the child in question. He postedfrom his ex's POV to try to flush out anti-dad feelings, which hasn't worked, although he seems to have misinterpreted the responses.

Danielle - change your name, come back and post for proper advice.

Mummiehunnie · 11/09/2010 18:03

Poor man!

pluperfect · 11/09/2010 18:07

I did think that, insertexpletive, but as EricNorthmansMistress said, OP was not reacting positively (as I would have expected from a father), either.

EricNorthmansMistress - misinterpretation does seem to make sense, but this all seems such a waste of effort! To post something fairly articulate and then fail to understand replies which are pretty unambiguous.

Unless the OP is the father, and his account has been hacked by the mother!!

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