Dds first trip to dads since split......

[debbie251]

Having split 3 weeks ago I having been living in a mates house whilst they away on business.
I finally move to my new house this weekend. So have arranged for the girls to go to their dads for a few days whilst i move, clean etc.....
BUT ! Dd1 (about to turn 9) wont even talk to him on the phone as its too upsetting, and i am now worried how she will cope there for a few days when i will be over 100 miles away :(

Am i right to worry??

Worried about how she will be when she gets back.. new house, new school and miles away from her dad :(

It's perfectly normal to worry. But she is going to have to accept the situation and get used to visiting her dad. She will be fine in the long run.

She's angry with him, and so they need time together to resolve this. If she gets angry at you she probably mooches round the house etc, but she/you have to resolve it as you are under each others feet. At some point she gives in and you make it up.
In the same way she needs to resolve this with her dad and being in the same house where they have to communicate may make that easier.

She doesn't have to like the situation, but she does have to accept it. You need to help her see that and not give her any reason to think she can get back at her dad through you for this situation.

Easier said than done of course. But she will be fine. Lots of hugs and love and 'i know' when she tells you how hard and awful it all is for her.

Thanks gillybean, i know your right just needed to hear it from someone else !
I had the first week of her hating me and funny enough i could cope with that but i have never spent a night away from them since dd1 was born ! i think its just me not knowing how to cope and the thought of them not being with me and someone else, even though their dad, looking after them scares me!! Dd2 (7) doesnt seem to care about anything, she just a happy go lucky kid all the time even through all this !!

I feel for you. I was a nervous wreck teh first time my ds stayed away from home overnight. He was absolutely fine, was just me who wasn't!

Are you on speaking terms enough to discuss this with your ex? Ask him if it's ok for you to call at a certain time of the evening (for your sake not for the dc necessarily).
Be prepared for him to say no though as he may feel it will unsettle the dc.

You'll be busy by the sounds of it, which is a good thing! It won't stop you worrying though, but at least you won't be sitting by teh phone wondering what to do with yourself all weekend!

You'll be fine. And so will your dds.

yh in fact we get on better now than we did for the nearly 11 yrs we was together haha !

And yes i will be busy as the house move includes a business i am taking over lol

I have just text him and he calling me later to discuss it all...

thanks again gillybean x

My girls are older, but they both have mobiles and they know they can call me at any time when they are with their dad. The youngest is often there on her own as the eldest is away at boarding school, she calls me for a chat because her dad is always working and doesn't pay her much attention. It sounds like you have a better relationship with your ex than I do, so hopefully you can build on that and do the best for your girls. I've begun to relish those evenings on my own (even if I'm on the phone a lot!) and in time, you might too.

My dd1 has a mobile but tbh its been turned off since we got here and i had forgot about it, so will charge it and add credit for friday when she goes.
Just got off the phone from their dad and he sounds excited about the week coming so heres hoping it all goes well !
I know i will learn to love that time out god knows i need and want it just cant see it yet!
just really struggling to get that single mum bit in my head and the fact i have to cope with them not being with me 24/7 !