Anyone else feel this isn't what they signed up for?

[poshsinglemum]

Or what they saw for their future when thye were little?
I love dd but am still grieving the nuclear family. I don't think I will meet anyone soon.

UA . Don't be ridiculous about your ds needing a "proper family". He has got one already. YOU!

Let me tell you about me. My ex used to look up hookers on the family computer, kiss us all goodbye and then go and shag them all night long spending £1000's on them, he would often not come back for days at a time while he was doing this. He did this constantly throughout 8 years of marriage. When we were trying to conceive babies etc, obviously I had no clue. He would abandon me with our new born dc, after CSections for up to 5 days at a time, I don't have any family nearby either. I have 2 dc one, with SN, I am almost 40. I am worn out with my life and know I will never attract another man (not that I actually want to), he left me in £1000's worth of debt, I will never be able to get a decent job or become financially secure. I don't even have any mates in RL to be envious of! Sad as fuck I am.

Please email me if you want to so we can have a competition to see who has the worst ex H. I am on [email protected].

all mine and kids stuff comes from charity shops

all my food is tesco value

we sleep on old futons

my kids are always the ones grizzling in the park as they cant have an icecream

ive got no job at mo ,his family hate mebecause they think it was ok for him to spend all our money on massage parlours,sodding lady boys,escorts and use our barely could afford it internet to go on every depraved site u could imagine

,my family hate me as i am not a toxic drunk like them

but i have 2 ddsage 7 and 9 and a ds 20 who i brought up alone for 10 years( because his dad was unfaithful to me too) who are a credit to me not him and thats what keeps me going,

i think i remenber you from your thread a few years ago and at the time i was so upset for you and never dreamed my life could change so dramatically too

dont be hard on yourself you are bringing up a little boy on your own which is so hard,but he will always love you and be with you beleive me

i am so proud of my son he is a fab lad and has a fab partner and i look at him and i smile because i taught him values and morals not the cretin who only ever saw him once

x tara

Yes I feel the same poshsinglemum. I really relate to what FeelingOld said too. That is exactly how I thought too.

I very often feel lonely and sad, my relationship broke up last May, I thought he was my soulmate, however I found out I wasn't his, no he preferred to use me and his best friends were women he met online as they understood him!

I often think what is wrong with me, I can't keep a relationship, and even though I know it wasn't my fault I sit and analise, everything that he said to me when he left, I still can't fathom it out, he left me the morning after we had been out for a lovely meal, he held my hand, kept kissing and telling me he loved me and the next morning he left.

I honestly think that I'm not meant to be with anyone, my 2 DS are wonderful, and I worry that I'll be alone as they are much older now and want to leave this area,which is good as there are no jobs here, and I wouldn't hold them back, they need to see the world something that I regret not doing.

I don't have a social life as I have to work 2 jobs just to keep a roof over our heads, but at least I can look back and say I did it all myself,and I'm proud of the fact that I have produced 2 wonderful thoughtful lads, whom I know will treat prospective partners with the respect they deserve.

oh but aren't we just bloody great at being so stoical and doing it all on our ownsomes.

Not really. we have no choice. We would be in prison if we didn't.

unlike our fucker exes who can just abandon women, kids, and debts. Fuck off to a morally and politically bankrupt country and live it up.

Funny, as he abided his exp's country - brazil. He called her a 'favelista' and he (apparently) hated her 'third world fucked-up country'...and now he is living that life himself. But then, he always did miss the blow-jobs she gave him at lunchtime.

Hope you are ashamed of yourself Jan.

..for protecting him.

You never did like me - 'or any of his other paramours'

Will you ever marry?

Your double-barrelled surname is a great big fat joke.

UA- you do sound thoroughly pissed off and I feel really sad reading back at this thread.
Look on the bright side; he will be fucking whores in Thailand and therefore very likely to get lots of horrid STDs. Who'd want his ficked up lifestyle anyway?
You have a lovely son. I guess it'd good to get out the pain and have a rant. I think you need a good babysitter and get yourse;f down that pub or at least on a dating website but you may well not be ready if you are still angry with your ex. In time you will cease to give a toss.
My ex is in Iran having the worst time ever. I'm so glad; best place for him and I hope he stays fucked off forever!

Lo all. Am back on Lone Parents after a Mumsnet leave of absence back with ExP for a year and a half. Turns out he learned nothing from the last split and still could not help himself from lying and cheating. I'm working my way up to a lovely long cathartic bitching post at some stage

I'm in mourning too, for the perfect family dream, for the siblings my DD will never have. For what could have been really.
Praps we all need to remember that we didn't sign up for this - I'm betting that so many of us are feeling guilty for being the one to end things. I'm trying to remember that though I may have kicked him out, I'm not the one who screwed things up.

On last thing jan. What on earth did you and your mother do to make your own brother hate you so much that he ran away from you?

Believe me, he bloody loathed you.

I have it all in writing. Going back to way before he met me - his 'paramour' (Wife. Not that you would understand what being a wife means. Not with your escape fund and all

I mean - you blame me for him going don't you. But really, he left YOU lot too, you have to admit. He flicked the finger at you all even more somehow than me and his son and his ex and his little daughters. Not to mention your own two sons. He didn't love them either did he. He turned out to be shit uncle as well as a shit father and husband. And brother.

Have you ever asked yourself what sort of a monster you as a family created in him and why and how?

Of course you haven't.

Blame everyone else except yourselves. Runs in the family doesn't it Jan. That is exactly what your lying pervert brother did.

I expect you have explained it all away somehow in 'the village' though.

UA- they sound like a nasty bunch. Leave em to it. In time you will get more ''you'' time when your son is older. You will find your happiness comes back to you. A happiness that comes from you ; not a man.
Sometimes I feel proud of myself for being a single mum. Sometimes I am angry and sad.

poshsinglemum, my ex is not having a shit time. A social networking site currently carries a picture of him scuba diving, yet again.

I hope that Timon and Etta, in particular, are comfortable in their souls.

Also if we were with our exes we'dprob be over in relationships moaning about them!
Mabe we should all consider ourselves well rid!

OTOH maybe we could be having loving marriages and posting in chat about brocoli. It's all wrong that we have to bolster ourselves with thinking 'at least I amk not in pain over on Relationships' when they are not in pain any-fucking-where

We could be having a loving marriage - but not with our exes. They weren't right for us else they'd be here.

Our exes could be leading a jet set lifestyle but any man who can leave his dp and kids isn't right in the head. A decent, loving man would give up everything for his kids. A scum-bag won't. Deep down it will be knawing away at him. If he was truly happy he wouldn't need to brag on Facebook.

I'm fed up being strong but I try and stay philisophical.
My mum was ''happliy married'' for years but she was still bloody miserable and if all I had left was to chat about brocilli I'd shoot myself!

that's made me smile.

Poor Jan. Must be strange having to make stories up about her poor mistreated bro who ran away to thailand leaving two little girls and a six month old son behind.

Bit of an embarrassment for her own sons in their private school perhaps.

Doubt it actually. Teflon-Bollox. Their double -barrelled name.

Yeah,my mum and dad are still "happily married",just like my brother and sister in law,but I'd rather be a piece of broccoli /shoot myself than have a relationship like either one of theirs

And they are pillars of the established community and I'm the single-mum-unable-to-keep-a-man-social-embarrassment they all love to avoid.

Hugs to you UA

i can see a broccoli thread beginging x

wow - some of this hatred is taking my breath away.

I am fairly newly single - but i have absolute faith in so many things -

• that MY life will be fabulous. Maybe with a partner, maybe without, but bollocks if I am going to let some one else control my destiny. I DECIDE!! AND IT WILL BE GREAT

-I will be happy. I am happy. I GET TO CONTROL THIS

-I have faith in MYSELF. I will not (not!!!) let this deter me from what I want for my children - to grow up in a happy home. I get to decide this - it will continue to happen.

My life is not what I signed up for, but you know what - things can change in a hearbeat. All of us have experienced the negative change, the opened email, found text message that changed our lives. Well, i believe a positive change can happen too. And if that doesn't happen, well then I am going to work my ass off to make sure that MY life is the best damn one I can have.

I don't have family around either.

UA Sorry you are having a shit time at the moment. You usually sound more resilient.

Your DS is so young though, will it be easier when he starts school? I am clinging onto both my dc's being at school (sept 2013 ) and hope life gets calmer.

may I post? not being a parent & all (equally broke and lonesome, but no small person hugs me in the morning.) I am devastated to see some of my very favourite MNers feeling so down and bitter.

UA, I'm terribly sorry about your cat and mystified as to why your friends couldn't have subbed you an ice-cream and a cuppa. I know you can do better than let bad memories rule your every thought. I insist you take yourself to the doctor for some chemical assistance and 10 minutes' worth of listening. (I'm using my Bossy Schoolmistress voice, btw, and NOBODY disobeys me!)

PM, Posh and everybody, I'd love to take you all for a fab day out with DCs but am as skint as you! Is anyone else sick to death of being creative with fucking lentils??!!

I hope all these awful feelings are mostly due to the rain. I hope everybody is remembering to do something fun every day, just because ... and I hope

Purpleduck - :) :)

Grace That's lovely,thank you

UA Thinking of you xx

I feel very much that this isn't what I signed up for. Separated from H about a year ago when it turned out that, for all he said, he didn't want to be with me and had doubts about our relationship for over 10 years!

I feel very sad and angry. My parents separated when I was small and it was the very last thing I wanted for my DCs. I knew, from the inside, just how much hard work it is bringing up children on your own. My mum had a reasonably well paid job and could afford to pay for some help but she can't actually remember how she made it through the holidays - she had no family around and my father was completely unreliable.

I feel very sad that I have missed out on the opportunity to have DCs with someone who is 100% committed to me and the relationship. I feel angry that he could not have been honest about how he felt so that I could have had the opportunity to choose a different life.

Now I am alone with 3 DCs in an area where I really know no-one. I have considered moving but we are here because of school for the DCs and they are all very well settled. And, to be honest, they've been through enough without me removing them from somewhere they feel happy and secure, and the school has been fabulous at supporting them.

I was a SAHM but when he left I had to get the first job I could as he's also stopped working. Money feels very tight as my salary doesn't even cover the rent. His behaviour is odd to say the least and the DCs often feel particularly insecure when they return from him.

On a good day, I know that I am better off without him. I am good with money and am coping with a massive reduction in our monthly income and I would be surprised if the DCs even noticed. I have taken them on holiday by myself and we had a great time.

On a bad day, I feel so resentful and stupid. I feel that this is it for the rest of my life. I don't want another relationship, not sure I could ever trust anyone again but I miss the intimacy. I hate having to make major decisions by myself and my confidence has taken a major knock. I know I need to make the effort to invite people round but I just can't do it. But how will I make friends if I don't make the effort?

Yep. I feel angry and stupid often too. And I am two years on.

Thanks for your kind wordfs grace. And yes, the weather is so shite again it makes me want to cry. I don't even want to live in this country anymore but I have to think sensibly about ds and what is best cfor him.

To be honest, I am hoping I die quite soon so that ds can go and live with my best friend and have a more decent life and I don't have to slog my guts out cleaning other peoples shjit of their toilets and getting tipsy in the evenings.

I have put on a stone. I have no ready cash, my savings are dwindling, I fucking loathe this shitty weather, don't see the point of existing actually.

Meanwhile my ex husband is swanning around abroad still with his bird, diving, hanging out in jaunty little back-street malaysian bars...and yet I am told repeatedly that i am lucky, because I have the house and I have my son.

I don't bloody feel lucky.

I am shattered, never want sex again, getting fat, have no idea what to do with the rest of my piss-poor 'life', have no family as they are all stupidly dysfunctional.

And ds is supposed to grow up into a normal happy healthy human???

I am waiting for Karma to happen

But it aint happening anytime soon as far as I can see.

And no I don't need to go and see my GP or take ADs again.

This is my life. Like many thousands of women.

Thank christ I am not drowning in Pakistan or being beaten in some sex-shop in Thailand. maybe.

But it's still doesn't seem much of a life when those are the kind of things I compare my circs to.

I mean, SGB bangs on about 'you are dumped. Live with it.

I am looking forward to telling my son that when he is old enough...

oh no, hang on, i am not allowed to slag the bastard off am I.

crikey so very many rules for the dumped person to live by so that her children grow up ok with seeing their father fucking and eating and singing abroad while he grows up.

when I say 'seeing' I mean, thanks to the glorious internet, he is plastered all over it for all to see.

So ds will only have to google his fathers name to see him shagging and living and scuba diving
and loving life. pip pip.