Solo / Only parent - moving back to London but just outside London (possibly Hertfordshire - but wondering will I get lonely in these areas/feel isolated / not find a community)

[anon6789012]

I lived in central London pre having my LO.

Since having LO (she’s nearing 2) I then moved hrs away from London to an old area I grew up in. But severely regretted it. Ghosts from the past and all that. And it’s a very backwards rural area that even mentioning your off to London to visit old friends. It’s the kind of place, they think London is another country if you know what I mean.

And now I’m ready to buy in life finally, I need to make the right decision as once the decision is made that’s got to be it for a long while. Unlike renting.
I just know I need to be back nearer London.

But things are different now than when I lived in more central London. I have two large dogs and LO. So need that combination of green open spaces but close to good town, (the kind of town that has people I’d potentially meet meet to find my tribe so to speak for me and LO that have a more modern outlook if that makes sense than where I moved to where we currently are which is pretty backwards). And to also be close to London.

Work from home and would be going into London about two days a wk.

Most of my old friends live in around more central London but due to dogs and wanting some decent outdoor space for them and LO, been looking at North Surrey or Hertfordshire. If North Surrey I’ve found properties in outer Windsor, Epsom, Chessington areas. Or if Hertfordshire really liked as close to Radlett/ St Albans. But have seen around Bishops Stortford (Hertfordshire/Essex borders?) you really get more for your money for the property you can get?
for example a place or two that have not just a garden but that little bit extra outdoor space so my LO can have chickens and experience that life I kind of grew up with. I guess my question is, am I going to isolate myself going up to Hertfordshire, specifically to just outside Bishop Stortsford? (10mins drive from there).
or St Albans?

Epsom/outer Windsor postcodes/Chessington way is the side of London I know people I’d be half an hr from. But going up north above London to those two areas it’ll be an hr or hr and half to drive across London to the southern side of London they are.

I’m used to my own company but I don’t want to totally isolate myself. This is what I’m worried about.
We don’t have extended family. So wherever we move to I need to create our village so to speak.

I don’t know whether to go for the ‘safe’ option of around Epsom/outer Windsor/ Chessington areas and we will get far less property for our money. And if I’ll always regret I didn’t make a nicer life property/space wise for me and LO and dogs in say, Bishops Stortford. Where you really get so much more for your money.

St Albans/Radlett area, again we would have to go for smaller property.

I also, and this sounds daft! But do want to find a man in life at some point in the not too distant future! Is Bishops Stortford too far out from London and not much of a place where I would eventually meet someone 😅
Is it going to be an area I’ll find my tribe for me and LO.

I’m so stuck! And feel so nervous of making the wrong decision. As this move and house purchase has to be for a good 5/10yrs.

Am planning to stay in these areas for a few days each, when viewing properties I’ve seen and to suss out the areas.

Any advice would be appreciated 😬

Chessington is grotty but surbiton or Thames ditton you'd love if affordable

Maidenhead on the Lizzie line?

Also, what about seven oaks. I keep matching with men on dating apps that have moved there then divorced but I'm zone 2 London and not going to move away from my child's dad and my family and friends so wouldn't work for me

Also somewhere like Guildford or leathhead

Why do you need two large dogs with a tiny child?

Particularly given you’re on your own - they must severely limit how you’re able to spend your time with her. Not only do they dictate where you live, they’ll dictate whether you’re able to take her on trips or weekends away. (Unless you regularly pay for dog sitters or whatever.) What about holidays? And they must cost a hell of a lot to keep - which is money you could be spending on things children want.

How do you propose to embark on dating when you’ll need to be at home with the dogs all the time?

They’ll also probably limit your child’s social life. Her friends at nursery may be wary of visiting your house - and their parents may be unwilling to allow them to visit or stay in a house with two large dogs.

You say you don’t want to isolate yourself - but you would be.

Since you have the freedom to move anywhere at all - I would be looking at towns and cities with outstanding opportunities and facilities for children - not drab places chosen because of space for large dogs.

don’t NEED two large dogs. I inherited them some time before my daughter came along as a suprise in life later. Life doesn’t always get planned as we’d like. my life was far easier with a little old dog I had, and no child 🫣

They’re not just pieces of clothing you get tired of and dispose of with no second thought.. I made a promise to them when taking them on, so as a result they stay with us. They also pulled me through some pretty dark times and for the work it can bring they also bring joy. If it comes to a time they’re quality of life or my daughters is impacted I would do what’s best all round to make sure they had a better home if it felt better to do that.

I know how much they can limit life but I’ve also had all sorts of animals in life and grew up with responsibilities that you sometimes need to negotiate life around like that. I’ve also had my fair share of care free years of life with no responsibilities (animals). Sometimes when you don’t have family left. It’s amazing how animals can actually fill that void. We might have just lived very different lives. So I respect your opinion.

I could go and live in some more exclusive places perhaps but one thing I learnt from my times in central London is I grew up around animals in my youth and that’s where my hearts at at its core. And I can see my daughter has that too. We can do day trips to less drab places.

Actually didn’t realise Chessington was drab, after reading an above posters comment (thanks for that input, really good to know before wasting time to go check out the area) so that’s something good to know. Budget is around 800k’ish at moment depending on property. But I wouldn’t call St Albans/Radlett drab? Or parts of Epsom or Outer Windsor? 😶

The reason I’m asking about areas near to Bishops Stortford is due to the commuter links to London but also the benefit it seems to have for having a bit of a country life combined at not too bad prices - but I’m yet to check the area out fully. I’ve found one property my daughter could have few chickens, maybe one or two sheep (yes I have two pet sheep (shock horror) living out their years with a friend right now I had in a previous life when moved to farm in Surrey with an ex partner in between my times of living in central London. (I can imagine your thinking.. more time consuming, money draining animals lol).
.. Though one or two properties up that way she might possibly be able to have a pet pony a friend of mine where live right now’s kid has outgrown. And I’ve got a past of owning and caring for horses etc so i’d really like to offer her that type of life around animals if it was workable with right area for us. As I know how much joy it gave me as a kid.

Of course if it’s more southern of London areas like a KT postcode or St Albans for example, I wouldn’t get a place with a little bit of land like that.

So it’s weighing up the pro’s and con’s and quite a few other aspects.

In regard to the caring of the animals. We have a lady who lives with us who helps part time with childcare who’s up for if I went down the more outdoor lifestyle and animals route for my daughter. Beyond the two dogs.

In regards to other parents wanting their children to be around the dogs as they’re large. They have their own section of the house where we live since LO came a long. Not because they’re not safe, because I prefer it that way. And it will remain like that in future place we move to. We all live in harmony just fine.

Yes there are limitations and costs that comes with having animals but I don’t drink, have particularly expensive habbits for myself unless it benefits my daughter or the dogs. I chose this life and it’s not for everyone. And yes if we were to go away - you have dog sitters for example. An expense yes, but I put finances aside for that and my daughter doesn’t miss out.

Thank you for your comment though

Thanks for this, around SevenOaks had been suggested by few people recently. I just had no experience of Kent, but been meaning to take more of a look into the area.
Surbiton / Thames Ditton comes up a fair amount when looking at properties if going down the less more rural life route. So I’ll have a look at those more too.
Much appreciated

I have no idea as I live in Scotland but you sound absolutely lovely and loyal and to me, you will have no trouble meeting friends/community wherever you go

What's your budget?

What i would say is we bought in South London / Surrey border and our family live in Northern England + Hertfordshire and it is an absolute pain to have to get across London every time we want to go and visit. If your family are to the north, id strongly advise you dont make the same mistake as us, and avoid going for Surrey / Kingston. The added journey time soon gets very annoying. We wish we had bought in Hertfordshire to start with.

No family ties anywhere (just me and daughter) apart from old friends I have in London.
But these days we all know what it’s like.. the reality is people keep in touch more on the phone than in person. Although I understand it’s different for those with family ties.

So although I’ll go into central London once/twice a week and potentially catch up with old friends once a fortnight perhaps when we can manage it between all our responsibilities. I’m hoping to make a new circle around me / us etc in any new area we move to.

Budget is approx 800k at moment

Can I ask what areas you rate in Hertfordshire?

Ive lived in the depths of Surrey (out in the sticks about 15 mins from Caterham) a long while back. And felt that was possibly not the type of vibe I was hoping for at this stage of life if going more green lifestyle route for our impending move that’s closer to London.
Only moved there at the time as we rented a place that had over 80acres at our disposal by fluke with property we rented (developer wanted us to sit on the land for him until he was going to develop it). Luckily it happened just as Covid hit so turned out to be a blessing at that time. But just didn’t feel there was much going on to benefit kids even if Covid wasn’t going on! So I’m conscious I need to think long and hard about if going down the Hertfordshire route. If it’s best to stick to a place that’s got great amenities and sacrifice the idea of a bit of outside space. Or if somewhere around Bishops Stortford might be an okay area. The prices do seem to be better round there but maybe there’s a reason, something I’ll research more this week.

Im afraid I don't know Bishop Stortford at all. We really like St Albans and hope to move their one day ourselves.

Rickmansworth, Chorleywood, Northwood, Radlett, Bushey

OP, IME rural can often mean walking down roads without pavements to reach narrow footpaths between fields or across fields where dogs must be on leads because of livestock.

Whereas S London / Surrey borders, for example, is a network of huge parks and commons where well trained dogs can roam free, and there are also parks etc where parents hang out.

Look at THIS house as an example, which backs on to miles of glorious ‘common’ land, Farthing Downs and Happy Valley and beyond. But has good rail links into London and is within the TfL area. You could also look at houses in the centre of Old Coulsdon village which has an active community and still v close to the open areas.

The big London parks are full of friendly dog owners, and have dog walking Facebook groups etc, - look around Norwood Grove - Beaulah Hill, Streatham etc.

I live in a village about 10 minutes away from Bishop’s Stortford. It is a nice town with plenty of child friendly ‘things’. Links to London are excellent - due to Stansted Airport you can hop on the Stansted express train service. There are trains every 15 minutes to Liverpool Street from stortford and can take as little as 35 minutes. Super quick and easy. My SIL also lives in east London and driving to her only takes about 35 minutes on a good run. We enjoy living in the area, there are lots of Facebook pages/communities with the opportunity to meet new people. Schools are also excellent in our area and there are a lot of them so you’d be spoilt for choice when the time comes for your DC to go to school.
All in all big vote for Bishops Stortford/Stansted Mountfitchet/Elsenham area!

I live in Hertfordshire. Bishop Stortford has a buzzy high street and lots going on. I’m sure you’d make friends in no time.

Bishop Stortford is a stone’s throw from London. It’s so easy and there are single people in Hertfordshire too! Stortford is still pricey but a bit more down to earth and you have the airport close by which is great for holidays and loads of beautiful countryside on your doorstep. Plus Cambridge is just down the road.

however, if you’re as anxious about moving to an area where you know no one, perhaps a smaller property in an area you know would be better! If there is just the two of you why don’t need a vast house?

Ps if you have an queries about where to buy in/around Bishops Stortford please feel free to message me - of course like any place there are good and bad places. But in general a lovely place to live and grow up!

If you want to move for schools Hertford and Ware have really decent schools, but the property is very expensive in Hertford for what you get!

Totally agree with this. I’d absolutely be rehoming the inherited dogs / you have a child now and your choices need to be dictated by her needs. I find it bonkers people design their lives around dogs - esp when you’ve inherited them, and I am a dog lover

Unless you need to be able to easily get into the City, I would look at Berkhamsted. Regular trains 30 minutes into Euston so still great for getting into central London. Large town with loads going on. Lots of professionals and commuters. Loads of young families. Retro cinema, tons of restaurants, busy sports centre/pool. Right next to Ashridge which is fab for walking and Northchurch common is a massive beautiful open space for dogs to stretch their legs. I think of Berkhamsted as being a bit like one of the London ‘villages’ like Richmond in terms of who lives there.

If City is important then St Albans or Harpenden on Thameslink.

Why’s your budget? Some of the places you’re mentioning are on the pricier side .

Also, which part of London do you need to get to? May influence which areas people suggest.

Have you looked around the Cambridge area OP? It has good links to London but may be a bit far out. Can also be pricey depending on how far in you are.

Tunbridge Wells? Nice area but also quite pricey I’d say.

How about Hertford, Ware, Broxbourne or Hoddesdon? Some parts of Cheshunt are quite nice but not sure of house prices to be honest.

I grew up near to Cheshunt & now live in Kent. I think overall I’d prefer to be in Hertfordshire.

Have you looked at Great Dunmow & Takeley?

My grandson went to boarding school in Bishops Stortford and we visited often from Enfield, North London, which was a 40 minute drive. I really liked the feel of Bishops Stortford, it has parks and green spaces, and has areas which are quite quaint and quirky. There is a regular train service to Liverpool Street, or you can connect with the Victoria Line at Tottenham Hale. I would definitely consider it if I were you.

Consider Watford - I know, sounds mad. But has good train links and tube into London. Next to M1 and M25. University, shopping etc. Also right next to great countryside. Will be far cheaper than St Albans, berkhamstead etc. Some research needed to choose the best area. Good luck!

I'm just above Bishop's Stortford in Saffron Walden and it is lovely, and family friendly. It's an easy commute into London Liverpool Street, with Stansted and Cambridge near by. Was voted best place to live last year.

I have a colleague in Epsom, she loves the green spaces and the schools.
I would go for somewhere near friends, things to do & good transport links.