Solo / Only parent - moving back to London but just outside London (possibly Hertfordshire - but wondering will I get lonely in these areas/feel isolated / not find a community)

[anon6789012]

I lived in central London pre having my LO.

Since having LO (she’s nearing 2) I then moved hrs away from London to an old area I grew up in. But severely regretted it. Ghosts from the past and all that. And it’s a very backwards rural area that even mentioning your off to London to visit old friends. It’s the kind of place, they think London is another country if you know what I mean.

And now I’m ready to buy in life finally, I need to make the right decision as once the decision is made that’s got to be it for a long while. Unlike renting.
I just know I need to be back nearer London.

But things are different now than when I lived in more central London. I have two large dogs and LO. So need that combination of green open spaces but close to good town, (the kind of town that has people I’d potentially meet meet to find my tribe so to speak for me and LO that have a more modern outlook if that makes sense than where I moved to where we currently are which is pretty backwards). And to also be close to London.

Work from home and would be going into London about two days a wk.

Most of my old friends live in around more central London but due to dogs and wanting some decent outdoor space for them and LO, been looking at North Surrey or Hertfordshire. If North Surrey I’ve found properties in outer Windsor, Epsom, Chessington areas. Or if Hertfordshire really liked as close to Radlett/ St Albans. But have seen around Bishops Stortford (Hertfordshire/Essex borders?) you really get more for your money for the property you can get?
for example a place or two that have not just a garden but that little bit extra outdoor space so my LO can have chickens and experience that life I kind of grew up with. I guess my question is, am I going to isolate myself going up to Hertfordshire, specifically to just outside Bishop Stortsford? (10mins drive from there).
or St Albans?

Epsom/outer Windsor postcodes/Chessington way is the side of London I know people I’d be half an hr from. But going up north above London to those two areas it’ll be an hr or hr and half to drive across London to the southern side of London they are.

I’m used to my own company but I don’t want to totally isolate myself. This is what I’m worried about.
We don’t have extended family. So wherever we move to I need to create our village so to speak.

I don’t know whether to go for the ‘safe’ option of around Epsom/outer Windsor/ Chessington areas and we will get far less property for our money. And if I’ll always regret I didn’t make a nicer life property/space wise for me and LO and dogs in say, Bishops Stortford. Where you really get so much more for your money.

St Albans/Radlett area, again we would have to go for smaller property.

I also, and this sounds daft! But do want to find a man in life at some point in the not too distant future! Is Bishops Stortford too far out from London and not much of a place where I would eventually meet someone 😅
Is it going to be an area I’ll find my tribe for me and LO.

I’m so stuck! And feel so nervous of making the wrong decision. As this move and house purchase has to be for a good 5/10yrs.

Am planning to stay in these areas for a few days each, when viewing properties I’ve seen and to suss out the areas.

Any advice would be appreciated 😬

@anon6789012 I think you can probably guess where the drab, Berkhamsted-like place was that I used to escape from on day trips! It's not as bad as it used to be, but still. Well done for giving it a swerve. Maybe Hitchin or Welwyn would be better, though I've never lived there so can't really say.

It does get easier with dating as your kids get older, but you absolutely need to live somewhere where quality single men do, or at least where they wouldn't mind visiting from London. Perhaps Watford might be a reasonable choice, subject to affordability. My DC used to love the parks there (I don't know if the miniature train and outdoor pool are still there) just as much as St. Albans.

Ahhh okay good to know. Tring did seem very quant but thinking back to when I visited there and thought to myself, if that rural move went bad, from at the time with that said past partner. I didn’t want to be stuck there as a singleton and no family / friends.
We ended up choosing Surrey, and he did indeed turn out to be a disaster in any case. (Men🤦‍♀️).

At what age would you say it gets easier to think of dating when LO’s get older?

Just don’t feel have time to muster up that energy make myself look half decent unless have to. Let alone the demands of being a significant other to someone brings.

My LO doesn’t judge how I look 😅
Zoom calls/meetings are when make any effort these days 🫣 and I try schedule those in as much on same day/s as possible.

Entering the dating world seems too much of a chore right now. I’d need to actually go to the hairdresser this year 🫣

I guess when they go to school is a good time perhaps?

Wow, I had no idea. Maybe it’s a place of two distinct sides as this isn’t my experience.

OP, I’d suggest visiting some places and spending the day there. Form your own opinions…

I had 10 very happy lone parenting years in a place nearby to and similar to Berkhamsted.

Yes. Definitely. Planning spend a few days in few different locations to suss out the areas. Hopefully that will help with it all

Which areas are you planning to visit? Maybe mn- can give you ideas of which areas to look at within these towns.

@anon6789012 I started dating again properly when youngest DD started secondary school, which coincided with a move abroad. I think this is quite late though, reflecting the fact that I worked by myself and lived in a very single-parent-unfriendly town. I think that if you live somewhere bigger/better and have social contacts via work, you should totally be able to date as soon as DD is at school. I was 31 when I had youngest DC as a single parent and I think early to mid 30s is the worst age for dating in that situation - as you said, all the nice single men of that age tend to be taken. You're slightly older so will be looking at a different demographic that might be divorced. I think you'll absolutely find someone, but location is paramount!

Berko is fine to visit - nice Waitrose! - but I wouldn't live there even if I could afford to. DB and DSIL concur and they own property there, as well as being the sort of professional couple who ought to fit in in theory, but they never really liked it even though it ticked all the boxes on paper.

I don't know the areas so can't help with that but I did similar elsewhere. I chose the lifestyle over the location - and I have never regretted it.

If you are not an animal person you won't get it, but my life has been enriched by my chickens and goats and especially my dogs. My kids learnt so much growing up around animals.

So I think you should go for the area with land and then build a life from there by throwing yourself out there and getting involved with as many things as possible - I've found my friends through volunteering for things my kids have got involved with

I live in Bishops Stortford, moved here five years ago after 20 years in London. I absolutely love it, and there’s a really nice sense of community here. I work in London a couple of days a week and it’s very easy to commute. The schools are all fantastic and there’s lots of green space. Cambridge is just down the road too. Really can’t recommend it enough!

Hertford is lovely. Great community feel. We stopped here 25 years ago and have never looked back.

They are older teens now, but I moved here just before starting my family, didn’t know anyone, and worked In London .There’s lots to do in the area, with outstanding schools.

Do you know either well? Personal experience, Leatherhead is the arse end of outer M25. Guess it might have changed. Guildford is quite lovely in the town, but they don't like outsiders.

Haywards Heath? Direct trains to Victoria, also on Thameslink so lots of other London stations eg www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/157746377#/?channel=RES_BUY

Have you thought about moving to the seaside? It's an hour by train into London from either Brighton or Hove.I live in Brighton and there's a real community of people walking their dogs on the beach ( and loving it ), plus there are playgrounds on the beach and children can learn to paddkeboard in Hove Lagoon. The schools are good and there's always something going on -festivals etc so great when you're child is older.. Its very welcoming here, so many people are from somewhere else, you can find your tribe. Living here feels healthy, you can walk everywhere. And you wouldn't need to go and see your friends in London, they would come to you !
There's a three bedroom house in Hove on the market in your price range , it has sea views and backs on to a park, and its neae Hove lagoon..
Or look at Portslade, it has frequent, quick trains to Brighton and Hove and a bit of a village feel - think street parties. Good luck!

I'm not the person you replied to, but Saffron Walden has a large and very active community, lots of people move there out of London. Busy, helpful facebook parents group, lots of kids activities and groups for all ages, really good schools

Radlett is really lovely but have you considered Hertford? It’s a really pretty town, good rail links to London but a town with plenty going on too, very friendly. River runs through the town, nice park too so good for dog walking. On the doorstep to countryside too.

And 2 train lines into London too. We wouldn't live anywhere else.

I can’t comment on it from a single parent perspective but I think Bishops Stortford offers most of what you’re looking for. Commuting is easy if expensive to the east and north-east of London. For central London away from Liverpool Street, I’d allow 1.5 hours door to door. If you have to drive to the station that would obviously add on more time (and cost of station parking). For twice a week, this may be less of an issue but do factor in things like driving your DD to nursery or childminder and so on if you’re doing it all by yourself.

You’ve got a good budget for Stortford and there’s plenty to do with a preschooler, and good schools. I’d be inclined to consider both Stortford proper (older properties will have more green space) and the villages. In the villages, you will need a car and will have to drive most places you want to go as the bus links are sporadic if they exist at all.

Feel free to DM if you have specific questions, it’s a town I know well.

We live around Bishop’s stortford, with our 4 children, 3 close in age to your LO. I also lived in Hertford/Ware when I was younger.

So so easy to get into London both places and both have really good schools. Villages just outside stortford would be perfect to buy and have a bit of land to have animals etc.

Theres loads of mum groups on FB and also stay and plays etc to meet loads of other mums ☺️

We also have large dogs 😂 it’s good for children to be around animals!

Thanks SO much everyone for your input.

Hoping the lull in property market picks up as September comes, as all round it’s gone quiet and stagnant for the Summer it seems.

Will definitely make use of all the above knoweledge shared, many thanks 🙏

Sent you a PM x