Solo / Only parent - moving back to London but just outside London (possibly Hertfordshire - but wondering will I get lonely in these areas/feel isolated / not find a community)

[anon6789012]

I lived in central London pre having my LO.

Since having LO (she’s nearing 2) I then moved hrs away from London to an old area I grew up in. But severely regretted it. Ghosts from the past and all that. And it’s a very backwards rural area that even mentioning your off to London to visit old friends. It’s the kind of place, they think London is another country if you know what I mean.

And now I’m ready to buy in life finally, I need to make the right decision as once the decision is made that’s got to be it for a long while. Unlike renting.
I just know I need to be back nearer London.

But things are different now than when I lived in more central London. I have two large dogs and LO. So need that combination of green open spaces but close to good town, (the kind of town that has people I’d potentially meet meet to find my tribe so to speak for me and LO that have a more modern outlook if that makes sense than where I moved to where we currently are which is pretty backwards). And to also be close to London.

Work from home and would be going into London about two days a wk.

Most of my old friends live in around more central London but due to dogs and wanting some decent outdoor space for them and LO, been looking at North Surrey or Hertfordshire. If North Surrey I’ve found properties in outer Windsor, Epsom, Chessington areas. Or if Hertfordshire really liked as close to Radlett/ St Albans. But have seen around Bishops Stortford (Hertfordshire/Essex borders?) you really get more for your money for the property you can get?
for example a place or two that have not just a garden but that little bit extra outdoor space so my LO can have chickens and experience that life I kind of grew up with. I guess my question is, am I going to isolate myself going up to Hertfordshire, specifically to just outside Bishop Stortsford? (10mins drive from there).
or St Albans?

Epsom/outer Windsor postcodes/Chessington way is the side of London I know people I’d be half an hr from. But going up north above London to those two areas it’ll be an hr or hr and half to drive across London to the southern side of London they are.

I’m used to my own company but I don’t want to totally isolate myself. This is what I’m worried about.
We don’t have extended family. So wherever we move to I need to create our village so to speak.

I don’t know whether to go for the ‘safe’ option of around Epsom/outer Windsor/ Chessington areas and we will get far less property for our money. And if I’ll always regret I didn’t make a nicer life property/space wise for me and LO and dogs in say, Bishops Stortford. Where you really get so much more for your money.

St Albans/Radlett area, again we would have to go for smaller property.

I also, and this sounds daft! But do want to find a man in life at some point in the not too distant future! Is Bishops Stortford too far out from London and not much of a place where I would eventually meet someone 😅
Is it going to be an area I’ll find my tribe for me and LO.

I’m so stuck! And feel so nervous of making the wrong decision. As this move and house purchase has to be for a good 5/10yrs.

Am planning to stay in these areas for a few days each, when viewing properties I’ve seen and to suss out the areas.

Any advice would be appreciated 😬

I've driven through Bishops Stortford, some nice houses but is there much there?

OP, IME rural can often mean walking down roads without pavements to reach narrow footpaths between fields or across fields where dogs must be on leads because of livestock.

Whereas S London / Surrey borders, for example, is a network of huge parks and commons where well trained dogs can roam free, and there are also parks etc where parents hang out.

This is why I much prefer London. Love walking.

You seem to have skipped the cheaper parts of Buckinghamshire and the Chilterns in your search. Some bits are covered by the tube network! Or very quick links into London. Loads of long walks and green areas for dogs. Outstanding schools and nursery for your LO. And areas with small towns that have loads of community/social groups etc.

Hi.
I don’t know Bishops Stortford but I moved from zone 2 to Kent. Great move, will get a lot more for your money than SW - Surrey etc. and you’re only an hour ish from the coast. County known as the garden of England so lots of green spaces.
don’t worry about the making friends part. You have your daughter and she will be going to school - and likely nursery - and you will make loads of friends. Kids are your gateway to friendships 😊 and probably your dogs too. Good luck.

Op, just read the bit about your dogs - you sound lovely! I do hope everyone on here can. Help you make a decision on where to live!
I am in London. Zone 2. So can’t make suggestions on that but when we were looking, it was schools, proximity to work, amenities, ie airport (travel for work and my I am from abroad) and green space for our Labrador.
the people we spend most of our time with now are the parents of friends of our little girl. I wouldn’t call them our tribe but they are the only people we know/could call in am emergency

Thanks so much for sharing the link for this, properties over that way hadn’t come through on my searches previously. Definitely somewhere will research into

Properties that back onto some open spaces are few and far between but have managed to find a few in different areas that are less rural but with a back garden gate leading on to walking spaces / routes that are on list to go see.

But if we end up a little more rural like you mentioned in your first paragraph. It’s kind of what we’re used to. LO has always been in baby carrier from day one in my wellies out walking, whatever the weather, fighting our way through woodland trails exploring.

That’s what I’m hoping to find out, will spend a good few days there and try suss out the area and see

@anon6789012 there are plenty of cafes/coffee shops, an arts centre that regularly put on performances, pottery painting etc. There’s normally a carnival at town park in summer. Plane spotting at Stansted is a fun activity once in a while. Village fairs in Hatfield Heath/Hatfield Broad Oak. Beautiful walks at Hatfield forest. Down the road in Saffron Walden is a wonderful market on a Saturday and midweek. Cambridge has plenty to do that you would expect in a city.

Have just seen someone suggest Gt Dunmow and Takeley and I mostly grew up in Dunmow and it is fantastic absolutely love it there but there are no train stations so would be no good for commuting into London.

Did you read the rest of my post. Or failing that, later replies to other posters i made from them giving really helpful advice on different areas

My daughter loves animals / the outdoors. I mentioned in my initial post if we went more rural it would be for the benefit of HER and the dogs.

She loves the dogs. Having the outdoors on the doorstep, loves being out at a friends farm where we are now. So why would I not consider accommodating some options working around that concept, for her, which would also benefit both sets of dependants I have.

So it’s not really bonkers to design our lives around her and the things she enjoys

I know St Albans area well having grown up there and with family still nearby. Great place to live imo - good sized town (city even!), very much a London commuter place so probs like-minded people, easy to get into London, relatively expensive but less so if you go just outside St Albans such as Redbourn, Sandridge or Chiswell Green where you could also have a big enough garden for those chickens.

She might not NEED 2 dogs, she might want them🙄

Op IS designing her life round her DD. She’s clearly stated how much her Daughter loves animals and their dogs so why would she rehome them.

Op, you sound absolutely lovely and I don’t think you’ll have any problem meeting people.

There are two other threads like this, and I could not work out just what the OP on those was looking for.

On the black mumsnet I was responded to very badly because some other posters thought I was white and should not have posted on it.

I didn't realise there was a black only mumsnet, though it did say that non blacks could post if they were polite. I thought mine was, but obviously posters thought otherwise, though I have never said what colour I am to anyone.

Thanks so much for this.
Might message you when we’ve gone up to check the area out. Just to check I’ve not viewed places in areas you might suggest to avoid, having more of an insider knowledge. Much appreciated x

Many thanks, this is good to know. Can I ask which school this was? Good to know any feedback on schools

Can I ask what age your LO/s are?

Do you / did you find there was enough to do around your area when they were younger / if they are younger

many thanks

Hmmm what an awful outlook…

Although a little anxious to move to an area I know no one, but I’ve done it before pre having LO a multitude of times so need to put my big girl pants on and think about what area will offer the best for us all round, long term. With renting it’s far easier to think, oh well if it isn’t how we planned or envisaged we can move.

Think when you then have a LO on the scene you’re more wary about making big decisions. Pre her I’d go work abroad or move to new area knowing no one (but the new areas part within the UK was always with a partner in tow, so you have that ‘we’re going on this new adventure together’ type of security net feeling).

We have a lady who lives with us who’s become part of the family in a way, who’s older than myself (she helps with part time childcare) who I have to factor into our move. So need third bedroom for her / two bathroom property. Or if can ever budget it in to make her some sort of annex somehow depending on property and layout.
But she won’t be with us forever, when she decides on her next adventure in life, abroad she’s thinking about. Hopefully she’ll be with us til LO starts school I really hope.

Property budget is part inheritance of daughters have been instructed to use for said property. (wish was so lucky in life at her age!). So have set amount to spend on property and would be questioned why it wasn’t used for that purpose. So it’s not about wanting vast house. It’s what there to be spent for specific reason. And don’t want make the mistake of moving to the wrong area hence needing to really think long and hard, as any further moves made, if we make any in distant future it will come down delving into my savings or working double time factoring in costs of selling up, stamp duty, etc etc. So I’ve got to switch my mentality from the ease of renting and how easy it is to move when you need to, or feel an area just doesn’t work for you. To a long term ‘this is it for a good long while’ mentality.

But we do need space for 3 adults, one growing child, two large dogs. And small workshop / garage space for me to work from home in. Otherwise I need to switch up my career choice if no possibility of workshop/garage/office/garden office space.

I love your username 🙂

The school is called Hockerill. It is a secondary school for local pupils, but also a state boarding school. My grandson spent five years there and loved it.

@Notgoingtooutmyselftoday I really, really wouldn't recommend Berkhamsted for a single parent. It's strictly couples only and incredibly smug and small-minded, plus the OP isn't going to meet bachelors unless she wants to date old unemployed guys who live in council flats and hang out in Wetherspoons. (Plus, beware of recently divorced aspiring cocklodgers if you own property in that area, a principle which applies to most of the SE of course.)

St. Albans is ideal and I used to go there on day trips to get away from the drab place I lived in. I don't know if you have the budget to find somewhere big enough there for your dogs, lodger and hobbies though.

as your daughter is young - 2yo? - you are very likely to make new friends wherever you go, mainly other parents of similar ages. Before moving hugely far from London, check travel costs - these can be horrendous even with flexi saver ticket.

Also , once you’ve moved, your local area is likely to have a Facebook social group so you can meet other locals that aren’t necessarily Parent s of young children. Or u could set up a group yourself. I’ve recently joined my local area social group - just to expand friendship circles and because im new to area. Hope to join my first event tomorrow!. Good luck.

How about Rickmansworth, Chorleywood, Chesham or Amersham. On the Met line and Chiltern line so getting into London is easy and quick. Great open spaces and easy access to M25 and airports. Good schools too.

Thanks for this info on Berkhamstead type area.
Had previously recently discounted Tring as an area that came up with some property options for the reasons you mentioned about the possible vibe of the area for a solo parent. As when went looking round that area in around early thirties to possibly live there with partner had at time, it had the type of vibe you mention Berkhamsted has that I can imagine is more for couples etc

Cocklodger.. literally just googled this!
New expression I’ve now learnt 😄

Not experienced this since one awful experience, but experienced moving to a place (rented) with a past partner, out rural, previously in life. Who then decided he didn’t actually want to do his part and actually ‘work’ on business we set up from home.
So I’m pretty wary and got my antennas up so to speak of these work shy types who just want to get away from the rat race for a more rural way of life and then put their feet up!

TBH I’ve had my lot with men now at the age of 39, I don’t know there’s actually any singles left that are decent family minded/hard working/do their lions share of work around the house types about. So that side of life will take a back seat probably for a long time. Just don’t need the extra work load of what some men these days bring. All the good ones are rightfully taken. There’s few and far between left that bring much to life sadly.

Like my grandfather used to say, they don’t make them like they used to