Year 3 son - struggling or lazy??

[Kayco]

Hi, first time posting so please be gentle! My son is year 3 and is struggling with home learning, he is constantly telling me he does not know how to do things - which I'm positive he does as some of it pretty basic. He wants me sat with him constantly to help (or if he had his way do for him) I understand that everyone learns at own pace but I feel like he really is behind in all subjects, he either needs lots of extra support or he's just being lazy - how do I know which??! I'm just feeling like I'm failing him, school have just said to go at his pace and not to push - if I did this he would do absolutely nothing at all

That sounds tough! What does he like outside of academic work? My 7yo is very lazy with “school work” but will spend a decent time planning minecraft worlds etc. I’ve set him some tasks involving that instead, which he will do with a lot less nagging. Maybe try some things like baking for numeracy, or writing a shopping list, to find out what he can do in the real world rather than in “homeschool”?

What are his school reports like - do they asay similar things?

Are you sure your expectations aren't too high? Some things that seem basic to us can be quite complicated from a child's perspective. I would check whether they are concepts he is supposed to know or not, by looking at national curriculum guidance for example.

When you help him are you getting him to do the thinking work or joining dots for him? Are they doing stuff they have done in class already or is it new material?

Thanks - his imagination whilst playing with Lego and action figures is amazing but school wise everything is the easiest option. Last report at end of year 2 showed he's a little behind where should be but not major. School have been setting three phases of most work 'expected year 3' and then easier and harder I've been starting with him on the expected stuff as if go to easier stuff he'll not try the next level. I think some of it is attention span they've set art work and he has the idea but then doesn't want to follow through with the execution - a simple task of colouring a picture can take days! When I see handwriting of classmates his is miles behind. I believe the work is what they've been doing in class as at beginning there was a lot of telling the time work but thankfully that's stopped now as that was shocking!

Oh colouring! I had no idea I could grow to hate colouring so much. DS1 hates it too. I used to love it as a child so was baffled, but it really does take him forever and he finds it so boring.

There is a good book called Smart But Scattered which is helpful for when their development in terms of attention, organisation, information management etc doesn't match their academic ability, I've found it helpful anyway.

It’s hard to do the school material at home if they’re not interested. There isn’t the peer pressure of school and your role is different.

If he’s into Lego then could you suggest some Lego tasks? Google “Lego worksheets”. My 7yo also likes making challenges for me, like writing a Lego quiz, and marking my answers (sometimes wrong deliberately).

Bertiebotts - thanks for book recommendation I've bought it and it's fab and showed we are total opposites so I've had to make myself change and not give him the choice of what to do each day and prepare a schedule telling him what to do 1/2 hour on 1/2 or more off and this week has been amazing - even got star of the week from school! Just beating myself up a little now that the problem was me not realising how different we are in how we approach things 😬

Hi OP, I have 3 home schooling. (yr 5, 3 & 1). They have all always had very good report at school and teachers say they work very hard.
Well, I am really struggling.
My yr 3 is doing pretty much all of her work but I do have to go on at her.
My yr 5 sounds like your son. I mentioned it to her teacher and her teacher said that she was one of her hardest working pupils. Right now, I literally have to sit behind her until she does something.
I'm trying to work from home too which doesn't help but frankly I'm wondering if it's futile nagging them.
I think there are a few issues. For one, none of them have had any calls or video lessons (it's all sent through via google classroom), so they have effectively been cut off from teachers and the people they look up to very suddenly.
They have lost routine, friends and seeing their family (grandparents etc and in our case their dad) all at the same time.
Then, because us parents have no idea when they will be going back we can't answer their questions or give them any timeline to work to.

Our teachers are not marking either (apart from one so I'm having to do it) so why (in their mind) should they do all this work when they don't actually know when/if they will ever see this teacher again?
I've been trying to look at the situation through their eyes and frankly, I'd feel very insecure and like my little world had been torn apart.

I sometimes struggle to study and I’m 43 and well used to studying. I cannot comprehend how a year 3 could study on their own?! Of course young children need a parent or adult with them while learning to talk it through with them. The best way of learning is to talk about it. My year two is doing bugger all because I’m working and can’t sit with him.
I certainly don’t expect him to do it on his own. And he is very bright and his school are providing excellent resources.

BTW I feel very guilty too if they don't get work done and I've been beating myself up about it but today, I let it go. It's too stressful when I'm trying to work and they don't need more of that at the moment.
I'm going to leave it now for half term and see if we can get some more routine in after the holiday.

He probably does need the level of support he's asking for, if only because he thinks he does. Could you introduce bribes/reward charts with an extra star for independent working.

Go on twinkl and find PowerPoints to read together-very difficult for a child to resist telling you how to pop the balloon etc. Phonics bloom, mathletics, teach your monster to read will all build skills even if you're not managing to make him complete work alone. If you have done something together on twinkl you will know what he's capable of and he will know that you know. Five minutes of independent work followed by reward can set a positive precedent? If he's struggling to form letters or numbers that is a separate issue that can hold back independence-resources on twinkl you can cut out and laminate. He can then practice with a white board marker and check before he writes. If he's at that stage he probably does need you beside him largely.

High frequency words that can't be sounded out can really block a child's progress. If you don't know what they are you are in difficulties. They need to be individually learned. You can do this with pairs games, in small sets, little and often. Do you know your phonics sounds? Print off the phonics mats and see what he knows. If there are massive gaps in his knowledge there is no short cut, you will need to invest that time and you will see big results in motivation and autonomy.

Tables and simple sums can be learned in short bursts through hit the button and mathletics-I'm sure there are many other helpful sites I haven't caught up with because I'm too busy working and cram home ed into short amount of time-we need results with as little supervision as possible.

Education.com has great games as well.

Break it down into little chunks, give him small goals - then "come see me when you're done/get stuck on something" and mark it off a list of tasks as you go.

Then no xbox, games, screentime whatever until they're done.

K8 - what an amazing result!!! Don't beat yourself up about that! That's brilliant.