Did you get married in France? Help needed

[FluffyDonkey]

Getting married in France this summer. Just been to see the Mairie this morning and we have the date and time we want (phew) BUT having spoken to the lady at the Mairie, the ceremony seems very cold and impersonal. I'm not religious so we're not having a church ceremony - just the civil one. But from what I've understood, it's basically a list of who we are, who our witnesses are, and who our parents are. Followed by asking us if we want to get married. The end. 15 minutes she says.

I've asked if there is anyway to get some English into the ceremony for my family who don't speak French. Answer : no.

I've asked to have the text written out so I can translate it before the day. Answer : no.

Has anyone else gotten married in France? Did you manage to personalise the civil ceremony at all? Did you say any vows?

Not in France, but it sounds very similar to the ceremonies in Germany that I have attended. There is a feeling of 'Was that it?' after the ceremony.

Tbh, it does not sound as if you have much chance to get some input into the ceremony, but you can do a lovely champagne reception afterwards, before you go to the proper reception. Ask if you would be allowed to do it in front of the Mairie (assuming it is pretty) or go to a local park.

I got married in France in August 2008 at a Mairie in Paris. Neither of us are religious so we only had a civil service. In Paris, you have to go to the mairie twice before the actual date, once to book and once about a week before to confirm your 'dossier' and dates. They knew from our dossier that we were not having a religious ceremony and asked us if we wanted to exchange rings at the Mairie. We said yes and on the day one of the clercs commandeered my god-daughter (6 yo) and gave her a silver platter to bring the rings on. We weren't expecting this and at first were a bit shocked because we thought that she was just wandering around (she doesn't speak any French so she didn't really know what was going on) but once we realised what was happening we thought it was a really nice touch.

To be honest, it does feel like a bit of a production line. In and out in as little time as possible but we were lucky because we were the last couple of the morning so we were allowed to stay in the 'wedding room' for photos afterwards. Our Mairie also has a beautiful vestibule where we took even more photos before going on to get off our heads on champagne the reception.

Regarding the language barrier and personnalisation, we didn't say any vows or change the ceremony. We couldn't have the ceremony in English so my French-speaking friends split up to translate for the non-French speaking guests.

MMeLindt's suggestion sounds sensible to me but you probably won't be allowed to have a champagne reception in a public park or in front of the mairie (repression de l'ivresse sur voie publique/protection des mineurs oblige...).

Another option, if you can, would be to just go to the mairie to sign the papers and have a bilingual "ceremony" at your reception. Some English friends of mine did that and had the reception in their garden with a notaire to recognise the marriage and it was lovely.

Hope this helps.

I would offer help with the hellish paperwork collection process but if you have been allowed to set a date then I assume you've already done that...

Thanks Froglover - yeah we've done all the papers. Quite chuffed actually cos DF asked me one month ago and we're getting married in less than 4 months! Everything has gone smoothly so far (birth certs, translation, certificat de coutume) and we've got the venue booked and everyone we are inviting is free on that weekend....so was a bit with the Mairie this morning - definately got a bit of a production line feeling!

Good idea for the bilingual ceremony with notaire - will talk to DF about that. He thinks that we will be able to add a couple of lines of vows when we exchange rings at the Mairie...we'll have to talk to them when we go back in a few weeks.

To be honest, all I really want is to say out loud that I take him to be my lawfully wedded husband for better, for worse etc. etc. and for him to say it back to me. At the moment I'm going to say the vows in English and he'll say his in French.

Hopefully the Mairie won't boycott this!

congratulations FluffyDonkey!

We had to book our August wedding in December of the year before and finding a venue was a complete nightmare! Still, it all worked out brilliantly in the end and I had the most amazing day, despite the production line ceremony.

What you are hoping for really does not sound unreasonable so I suggest that you talk to the people at the Mairie. They are mostly human and I think they actually quite like it when people make a fuss of the mairie bit as most people just see it as a formality to be finished as quickly as possible so that you can get to the church.

Come to think of it, the only thing that I was disappointed about was that I wanted to sign the register with my own pen (a beautiful fountain pen that DH had given me the year before and that he had told me after he proposed that when he had picked it out he had imagined that I would use it to sign the marriage register one day) but they wouldn't let me because the ink was blue and you have to sign in black ink

I once did some work interpreting at a wedding, where the groom was American and did not speak enough French to follow the service.

I presume that there would be some legal issue if you couldn't understand what you were saying & what commitment you were making.

Maybe worth working that line?

REPUBLIQUE FRANCAISE CELEBRATION DU MARIAGE EN LA MAIRIE
De :

Entre Mademoiselle et Monsieur

Au public,
Veuillez vous lever,
Nous allons procéder à la célébration du mariage

DE Mademoiselle
AVEC Monsieur

Conformément à la loi, je vais vous donner lecture des articles 212, 213, 214 et 215 du Code Civil :

ART. 212
Les époux se doivent mutuellement fidélité, secours, assistance.

ART. 213
Les époux assurent ensemble la direction morale et matérielle de la famille. Ils pourvoient à l?éducation des enfants et préparent leur avenir

ART ; 214
Si les conventions matrimoniales ne règlent pas la contribution des époux aux charges du mariage, ils y contribuent à la proposition de leurs facultés respectives

ART. 215
La résidence de la famille est au lieu qu'ils choisissent d'un commun accord.
Les époux ne peuvent l'un sans l'autre disposer des droits par lesquels est assuré le logement de la famille, ni des meubles meublants dont il est garni. Celui des deux époux qui n'a pas donné son consentement à l'acte peut en demander l'annulation : l'action en nullité lui est ouverte dans l'année à partir du jour où il a eu connaissance de l'acte, sans pouvoir jamais être intentée plus d'un an après que le régime matrimonial s'est dissous.

Aux époux,
Mademoiselle ,
Consentez-vous à prendre pour époux Monsieur ?

Monsieur ,
Consentez-vous à prendre pour épouse Mademoiselle ?

Au nom de la Loi, je déclare
Mademoiselle et Monsieur
UNIS PAR LE MARIAGE
___

I do

Depends where you're getting married tbh - some areas are more flexible/international than others. They are very cold, production line ceremonies in the Mairie but you can easily have another ceremony at the reception. Several of our friends didn't even invite people to the legal bit at the Mairie but did vows and exchanged rings at the ceremony/reception after, which sometimes wasn't even the same day.

They probably won't let you have an English in the legal ceremony because you might say something that's not allowed - at least that's the reason I've heard given in the past. If you didn't speak French you could have an interpreter but they probably know you do by now! If one of the witnesses doesn't speak French you may also need an interpreter though....

Congratulatinos!

Thanks for all your comments - and particularly the text. I'll translate that in advance for my family

just to let you know that they will also annouce your birthdate and your husbands bit of a shock as i kept a bridey smile on my face - there is always a camera pointing at you! really didn;t see why they do that. also no " is there any reason why they should not be married" so no jane eyre moment possible

it is quite quick, but we had a lovely time. we had a welcome done in french and english by the mayor and then ceremony in french, then congratulations in french and english.

Congratulations!

I went to a wedding in France (in Neuilly, when Sarkozy was Mayor, so he took the service). We were in and out in 15 minutes and there was no English translation even though both bride and groom were English, along with 95% of the congregation. The bride and groom greeted everyone together on the steps of the Mairie before the ceremony so there was no 'walking down the aisle so everyone can admire the bride' either. Since hardly anyone understood what was going on the brevity of the service was a bit of a blessing, tbh. Everyone had a good time and then we got straight on with the celebrating

Hope it goes well FluffyDonkey and congratulations! I'm going to a wedding in France this summer, so this has been interesting to know what to expect.

Thanks for everyones comments.

I was pre-warned about the bit with the bride and groom walking in together - not being handed over by my dad. So we've decided to do the hand over bit before the ceremony, just with close family.

Hi Fluffy - congratulations on your forthcoming wedding!

We got married in France last year (mairie and church), although our experience was a little different as DH used to work with the mayor

The mayor's assistant 'interviewed' us about two weeks before the wedding to find out some personal details about us and ask us what we loved about each other. He then worked this into his speech and personalised it with some of his comments on his esteem for DH. While we knew him - he does this for everyone who gets married there which I thought was a very nice touch. It's a very pretty, touristy seaside town so I imagine they have a lot of weddings.

Don't think that helps - but thought I would share my experience. The church bit is important to me, so I was always a resigned to a cold, clinical civil service but it actually turned out very well.

I know this thread is a month old, but have you spoken personally to the mayor of the commune you will be married in, to ask him about how s/he might be open to personalising the ceremony?

Like flyingcloud, the mayor in the commune that I got married in always makes a point of finding out personal details about the couple and working it into a little speech to personalise the ceremony, after the legalistic stuff is done. Maybe yours would be open to something like that.

I too had asked if DH and I could also say personalised vows at some point in the ceremony at the Mairie, and the mayor was horrified truly horrified! that I would want to play around with the solemn institution of the State. No made-up vows were to be spoken under his Mairie's roof, under the watchful eyes of the bust of Marianne and the portrait of Sarkozy! So we compromised and DH and I said our personal vows to each other on the steps of the Mairie in front of all our guests, then went indoors for the solemn state bit (with a nice little speech by mayor afterwards), and then back out for lovely champagne reception. This satisfied both us and the Mayor. Maybe something like that could work for you too?

RedNinaBlue - when we first booked the date the mairie did seem to be fairly strict on what could and could not be said (we were not allowed to see the text before the wedding for example! And no way could we have any speech in English)

We haven't asked about the vows yet. We don't actually live in the town where we're getting married - DH lived there all his childhood - so we can't often get there to organise things (and they're closed at the weekend of course!), but we will definately ask next time we go there.

Good to know that we might not get to say our vows at that point - that way I can prepare myself for disappointment! It's irritating cos it's not like I want the floor for ten minutes or anything, I just want to say the for better for worse bit.

Your solution sounds like a good idea, will have to see how we can organise it

Hi there,

I too got married in a little village in france in 2008. We had the legal bit done at the Mairie then we had an english speaking celebrant give us a blessing in the church square under the shade of the trees! It was so lovely. 100 people came over for the occasion.

check out www.marrymeinfrance.com for inspiration and venue ideas - it was quite useful when I was considering what and where.

Good luck with it all,

Poppy x