Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Living In America ..You say Goodbye, I say Hello, ...

611 replies

kickassangel · 04/07/2009 14:46

New Thread.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 14/01/2010 00:28

thanks, jenny

has anyone ever read 'freakonomics' very interesting. there's a chapter that uses data to analyse what helps a child to succeed at school & the findings are scary - what you do makes almost no difference, but who you are (e.g. educated, older, well off) seems to be more important.

however, these are only statistics & they say quite clearly that there will always be people who 'beat the system'.

they also mentioned (but didn't explain) that peers were v important in forming personality.

so now i've decided - i'm going to be a slobby parent who doesn't care, it will obv make no difference.

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 14/01/2010 04:54

dd1 beat the system today she won the school spelling bee and is off to the regional competition! she's chuffed to ribbons, but mildly terrified. she's gr5 and it's the gr 4-8 competition lol. how the brit sneaked in under the wire, eh...

SuperBunny · 14/01/2010 19:07

Good news, madwoman

I liked Freakonomics, I think its a good read.

DS and I are ok, other than me being constantly sick. Since July, I have had swine flu, shingles, multiple chest infections, unexplained fevers and a cough. I am fed up now.

kickassangel · 16/01/2010 01:33

oh, sb, i am always like that with every new school. i was doubly like that after having dd! what with the morning sickness, mat leave, then being ill for so long after, i went for over a year without doing one complete week at school, whilst still being on full pay!

well done to your dd, madwoman.

my girlfriends group are off to see 'spelling bee' the musical in feb. really not sure if i can force myself to go, in the name of cultural enlightenment.

OP posts:
jabberwocky · 16/01/2010 03:25

Bunny, I'm so sorry you have had such a trying time healthwise Sending good vibes your way.

Dh read Freakonomics and really enjoyed it. I haven't yet.

nooka · 16/01/2010 06:16

Hi all, I'm home alone (well with dd) as dh is off with ds to cub camp (I'm quite envious, they will be skiing and snowshoeing, so it will be really fun). ds was very down this week, as he was very very chuffed with himself at asking a girl he likes to the school Valentine dance, and then having said yes she dumped him three days later. It was interesting to watch - a first for us, as prior to this ds has considered girls (at school anyway) to be really totally irrelevant. Still the other girls were very consoling, so maybe he'll ask someone else (it was quite funny, he was talking about having his hair cut and looking smart - this from a boy who has never brushed his hair and has gone to school with clothes inside out and back to front on more than one occasion!).

If I had the choice about a green card I would go for it, just because we had to leave the States in a hurry when dh lost his job, and it was really fairly awful. I'm just about to send off my Permanent Residency application here (very similar) and we will feel so much better afterward, as then our destiny s in our own hands IYSWIM.

Re that freakanomics thing, maternal education has always been most closely tied to children's subsequent success, but there is a thread somewhere saying that it is parental style that matters most. I'll post a link.

nooka · 16/01/2010 06:17

here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/in_the_news/891900-Parenting-style-the-key-determinant-of-life-chances-says-Cam eron

SuperBunny · 16/01/2010 14:10

There's nowt wrong with vampires, Jabber. I need to read the twilight books. I am unable to read anything at the moment, other than the free Tescos magazine

Thanks for all the sympathy - I've never had this problem before, Kickass. I'm not sure if it is to do with school or British germs or just my immune system being really crap. I'm wondering if I should check with the gp because it's making me miserable now. I went out last night and can't tell if I am poorly or hungover

jabberwocky · 18/01/2010 00:45

I do wonder if British germs are quite invasive. On my post-natal thread mums and babies are sick much more often than we are .

tadjennyp · 18/01/2010 06:38

Wishing everyone lots of good health. X

kickassangel · 22/01/2010 00:47

jabber - i think british people are just more tightly packed together, so germs spread better.

i've been so pleased with myself - since getting the right thing for my sinuses i haven't been properly ill for a year! one entire year without anti-biotics! that's the first time in 7 years i've gone longer than about 3 months without needing them.

hope i haven't just 'jinxed' myself, but seriously, i was starting to think being ill was just 'the norm'!

OP posts:
SuperBunny · 24/01/2010 09:02

That depends where you live though Kickass. I can't say we're more tightly packed in where I live than when I was in Chicago. A large American city with lots of high-rises is far more densley packed than many urban towns in the UK.

jabberwocky · 03/02/2010 14:34

This thread has gone rather quiet....

Earlybird · 04/02/2010 02:07

Hi there jabberwocky! And everyone else.....

Yes, this thread has gone quiet - I wondered if I'd accidentally 'hidden' it.

We're almost snow free here now, though we had 4 days of staying at home and sledding. DD loved it, but we were both ready for school to resume!

What are your current thoughts on getting a dog? We're probably going to do it, but won't be until late summer due to travel plans.

jabberwocky · 04/02/2010 02:44

We only had one snow day but it was Friday so 3 days home with boys....lots of cabin fever had by all at the end of it since it was really all ice and no real fun to be had.

Yes, still thinking of a dog this summer. Dh is very hesitant but I'm hoping he will come around to the idea as it will, imo, be very good for ds1. Considering labridoodle, standard poodle, bichon frise, King Charles Cavalier Spaniel and some various mixes of above.

How are things with you?

redflipflops · 05/02/2010 22:43

Hello Living in America Thread

My family moved to CA at Xmas time so thought I'd join this thread. Got transfered here for DHs job and I wasn't totally happy as we'd just had baby no.3. Been a hectic 6 months and now we're here am feeling a bit lonely and isolated

We're in quite a small town and so not many socializing opportunities.... Oldest DD at Kindergarten but even school drop off isn't very social (they just arrive in 4x4 open door and boot out kid!).

How do people find living in US? how long did it take to settle in? I've joined some local groups but nothing meets very often/regularly.

oh and how long did you wait before taking your driving tests?

lovelyone · 06/02/2010 04:49

Hey Redflipflops

We moved to North CA, just outside San Fran, about 6 months ago. Have found it very similar to you. Have met a couple of mums in the parks etc. I love the lifestyle but definitely miss family and friends.

I made sure I have had lots of visitors from UK and am going back in a month for a few weeks.

Officially, you have to take your test after 10 days. I am booked in at the end of the month....think I m going to fail though. DH has taken his and passed.

Have been lurking on mumsnet and you made me join as I know what you are going through.

TuppyGlossop · 06/02/2010 13:49

Dear RedFlipFlops and LovelyOne, I do not normally post on this thread but I feel for both of you. It does take time. When we moved here many years ago we were given a graph showing the emotions that we would go through. I have tried to find it for you but cannot. Anyway, it showed that after the initial excitement of the move you suddenly dip into "what now" state of gloom so you are really not alone! Not knowing the area you live in the only things I can suggest are checking out your local park district if you have one. They usually have classes and things to do. You could also try and find a local expat group - many people spurn this but it honestly helps. There used to be a website that listed them I will try to find it for you. I know I am not being much practical help but I really, really know what you are going through and I promise it will get better!

TuppyGlossop · 06/02/2010 13:55

I forgot to say - volunteer in school. Go and talk to your parent/teacher rep at the school. Even if you have to take your little ones in with you they are normally pleased to see you and will find something for you to do!

jabberwocky · 06/02/2010 17:20

You might also want to join some group that you like. Maybe a children's hospital charity, historic preservation society, autism speaks or something like that. also check out area groups on Facebook. San Francisco is marvelous! I'm envious. You should also check out Fat Chance Belly Dance. They are an awesome tribal dance group based in SF.

redflipflops · 07/02/2010 05:30

Hi Lovelyone

Good to know I'm not alone! There are lots of great things about the lifestyle here but just so hard starting again with new friendships. Lots of stuff to adjust too - makes me feel quite fragile sometimes!

We do have visitors coming over in the summer which I'm REALLY looking forward to. I just have to get through the next few months!

Tubby & Jabberwocky
Thanks for the replies. Nice to know others have been through this! Am definitely in the "what now" state of gloom phase! I think one of problems for me is that I have a baby as well as 3 & 5 year olds which makes it harder to do voluntary stuff. Am trying to find groups and things to do. Will take time I guess.

Am going to let DH do driving test first. Never thought I'd have to do sit another one of those!

jabberwocky · 07/02/2010 15:32

Look into things like Kindermusik, gymnastics and gymboree. You can take the kids and meet other moms. Also check out the children's story time at the library. They usually read a story and then do a craft.

Earlybird · 07/02/2010 15:37

Some of the larger bookstores will also have regular children's 'story time'.

Many museums have regular children's programs and/or craft sessions.

Look for free Parenting magazines that are published locally. They are available in racks/stands at supermarkets or family-friendly restaurants. They are filled with adverts and articles on what is available for children in the community.

jabberwocky · 08/02/2010 03:08

Geaux Saints!!! woo-hooooo!!!!

Bunkups33 · 09/02/2010 00:41

Hi Redfliplops and Lovely one. I do sympathise re making friends! We have been in US for 15 months and although it's so much easier now than a year ago I do find winter very hard. This winter has been particularly bad and the cabin fever is setting in.

We got here 30 weeks pregnant and my older 2 were 2 and 4. Having young kids does make it hard to do stuff like volunteer but it does open other doors I found. I joined library story time, signed DS up for gymnastics, joined the YMCA and tried a few baby groups until I found one I liked.

We are in the midwest where they are almost no Brits about but I recommend an expats group if there is one as people will have a really good idea of what you are going through.

We have now made friends but it's a slow process and I do find communication difficulties (ie differences in sense of humour) quite draining sometimes. It feels more like networking than socialising iykwim. We found a lot of people friendly enough but not really interested in being friends if that makes sense? I think it takes a long time to build friendships and its easy to underestimate how hard it is.

Things will get better though I promise!