**German Chat**everyone welcome* - macht es euch gemütlich

[ZZZen]

reden wir weiter...

admylin, did you see my video or did you delete it thinking it was junk?

Maybe she is up to her eyeballs in packing cases, or perhaps even the pc is packed?

Zzzen - how are you getting on in Japan?

We had a lovely weekend until dh decided to do some DIY yesterday and managed to burst a water pipe. Luckily he knew where the stop cock was, so it didn´t cause any damage. We then had to wait around for an emergency plumber to turn up to fix it.

Ernest - how did ds get on at the doctors?

I wonder if Frosch has had her baby yet - she´s been very quiet laletly.

how's japan zzzen? hope your all having a great time!
wonder how ernest's little boy got on?

had a nice muttertag in the end - dh only was at work for a couple of hours! but went to a cafe for kuchen in the afternoon and had the worst service i've had yet in germany! thought it was because we had kids with us - the place was full of old people but there were other families there! the waitress nearly threw the order at us - and the kuchen wasnt so good! not going back there!!

full of cold today - never good with 3 kids at home all afternoon! will be in bed at the same time as the kids tonight!

Not been on here for ages, the thread dropped off my Threads I am On list and got lost.

Admylin
How are you doing? When are you off? This week, isnt it?

Ernest
How did your DS get on? Must be worrying for you.

Hupa
LOL at your DH's attempt at DIY. Sounds like my DH. I keep threatening to get a handyman in to finish all the half done jobs that he started.

think you had a waitress from Berlin there canella.

Japan is good, I'm enjoying it. Mind you travel is always interesting. Livign somewhere is a whole different kettle of fish. Find the Japanese quite sweet in a way (lots of VERY neatly dressed women) but although I hate admitting this because I sound like the WORST kind of traveller, the food is starting to pall... Have to admit to having had a hamburger yesterday

Dd is in 7th heaven: "I love the Japanese mum, don't you love the Jpanese? Shall we learn Japanese?" etc etc Actually Japan is quite a bit different to how I expected. We are not that free since we are tied up with dh's work schedule but it is a place I always wanted to visit. Could imagine living in Japan for a couple of years, given the right circumstances but not really long-term

Have you got an alarm system installed yet ML?

Lol at your DD, Zzzen. Has she transferred her foreign crush to the Japanese now. No more Italian lessons.

OOOhh, rain. Better let the dog in

Hi all, just to be brief, as we gekundigt from dt & forget to get new contract, doh.

Not great, well mixed with ds. He has grown 2cm, but that's still not much for a child his age, certainly not a growth spurt in response to ght, so ?? as to whether the ght is workking. Also he has not gained any weight, despite 2ch growth, h is getting skinnier which is v. worrying. Am feeding high calorie diet but no weight gain.

Now got big heache ds1 getting bullied. been going on since sep. big incident in dec, thought we had it sorted, but ds1 came in hysterical last night. emailed school & called twice and head still not called me. am feling very very angry (btw, is serious, threats of knives in school & killing, so thought urgent response appropriae) not sure if I should call 3rd tim e or ?? Parenting can be so effing stresful.

sorry, must dash, dd1 has turned into evil toddler this w/d

hope all well. more when got time xx

Ernest
Shite, that sounds not good. I think that a swift response is best, from what you have written. It has been going on for more that 7 months now, they have to do something to sort the nasty little buggers out.

Sorry too, to hear that the results were not better.

oh ernest that doesnt sound good about the school - is that at the IS? maybe an even better reason to get the boys out of there ASAP but if someone is making such serious threats to your ds the school should be dealing with it. I'm quite laidback with school things until something like this happens then i'm onto the school till its sorted. DD was being called really terrible things by the little boy who she had to sit next to all day - i was at the teacher 3 times in the end till it stopped. but thats no where near as bad as threats of knives etc!
but that combined with your stress about ds2 and your dd being a monkey then i can see why parenting is a bit draining at the mo - will wine help???

zzzen - glad your having a good time - glad your dd is enjoying it - kids love to experience new things - she'll be talking about this for months when she comes home!

i've done nothing all day - i'm proper loaded with the cold - ds2 had a green snotty nose all last week - no surprise i've got it since i must have wiped his nose a suillion times! having kids when you've got the cold is just rubbish - i know its not the most poorly thing i could have and i need to stop moaning but i just want to go to bed! but bless the dc - they've done a right good job of playing themselves today! i'll just keep doping myself up on paracetamol and cups of tea!!!

Anyone got an idea to help this MNetter?

Ok, the MNetter on the other thread has found help and is ok.

Morning all. How are you all today?

It is Wednesday so I have the DC at home. DS is upstairs bumping about, probably up to mischief. Must go and look. Will have another cup of coffee and a wee bit of MN time then go and get started on the day.

Plan today is: some housework (cleaning the bathrooms urgh) go to beach at 11ish to meet friends for coffee, go pony riding with the American Womens Club, put the DCs names down for the Lunchtime Club, arrange for a security company to come and give us a quote for the alarm system, French lesson tonight, speak to the woman at the Marie about borrowing benches and tables for DH's birthday.

I think I may just go back to bed.

one of those days huh ML? You have quite a busy social life there already by the sounds ofthings. I would call the mairie and the security company first and get that over with, sign up for the lunchtime club when you pick the dc up and then go do the social things. I would just skip the housework tbh

(Mind you I always readily skip the housework!)

OMG Ernest. I wonder if it makes any sense your ds continuing with the INternational School till the end of term under those circumstances. I would just keep him off (sick) for this week and think about taking him out forthe remain of the school year. When do they finsih? In June? What a pathetic school, not even getting back to you, what an idiot incompetent head. Mind you in my limited experience they do seem to think they are the bees knees.

Have you taken your ds2 to see a specialist at a university clinic? I would like a second opinion since things are not going as they should be.

Had a nice time, we fly back on Friday. Hope admylin finds time to let us know how she gets on in the UK. Will be SO good to see her happy for a change.

I might just skip the housework, Zzen. I am always ready to do that.

Ernest
I agree with ZZen about the school. Can you keep him home until they sort somehthing out? The international school here in Geneva has not got a good reputation, I have heard stories about drugs. Bet you are glad you are moving them to local school next year.

I think Ernest if he is to continue withthe schooling till the end of the schoolyear which is perhaps the only practicable alternative you have right now, I would go in to the school personally and just STAY there until the head has spoken to me personally about it and I would want to know exactly what steps they are taking to deal with this.

I would not send my ds in personally until I knew they had put those measures in place. I wonder if it is because they need the fees, they let these dc get away wtih anything in order to keep them at school and their parents paying fees? Mind you they risk losing your fees like this. Very odd. Never heard of anything like this at the British International or the Berlin-Brandenburg International.

Is the head German?

morning all!!
mmelindt - i would scrap the housework too - plenty of time for that when the dc are at school tom! do they have every weds off? do they have to go on a saturday instead? dont know where i got that idea from - not sure if it was a friend in france who said it!

can you lot help me with what i should say on the phone to a mum to invite dd's friend over.

i can obviously do the introducing bit but in english i would have said "i was wondering if X would like to come over tomorrow afternoon to play with dd?"
realised quite quickly that my german is still shit and i've no idea how to put that sentence together! not too worried - the mum is an eglish teacher but she only ever speaks to me in deutsch so dont feel i can leave a message in english!

Thank you!

omg I am so pissed off with the school. I spoke to head yesterday and was totally dissatisfied with her response. It got a bit heated. I sent last night a very detailed and cross but assertive email last night. Have waited all day, and she's sent me a 1 sentence mail asking me to come into school to discuss with her after the coffee morning! I don't even know what time that actually means. And it means dh won't be able to come, so have to cope on my own and he's so much better than I am at these things, and it's also clear that they are doing chuff all about it. grrr

And to boot, just had to collect ds3 as he's come down poorly at KG, so I might not be able to go now anyway.

Can I resign? Ds2 is the only one not giving me grey hairs at the moment, and he is the mental one.

Zzen, glad you're enjoying Japan, it sounds great.

canella, write it in englsih! I hate writing in german - so bad at it.

Ernest
The school is really not handling this well. I wonder if that is a bit of the comparison to schools in UK, who all seem to have some kind of anti-bullying scheme in place. Not heard of the same kind of thing in Germany.

Canella
I am probably too late now but I would say, "DD möchte gerne XX zum spielen einladen. Wie wärs mit morgen nachmittag?"

Oh, and I did everything on my list (just checked it) except speaking to lady about the tables, as the Marie is not open today.

The DC are off every Wednesday, and do not have to go in on Saturday, Canella. This will change in the next year. From 2010 they will go to school Wednesday mornings as well.

Pony riding was good, but it poured with rain during the actual ride. The only time it rained all day was the 30 mins that we were out. Bäh.

ernest - sorry life is a bit much stress at the mo - but you know it ebbs and flows doesnt it so in a few weeks life will be better! the school sound pretty crap at dealing with all this - i would just pull ds's out if you know they're going to start the new school soon. not worth your ds being so unhappy - its every parents worse nightmare - you expect them to be safe at school - hope you get a chance to talk to the head today!

mmelindt - thanks for the help yest but i braved phoning her on my own - said something crap like "Kann X morgan zu unsere haus kommen?"!!! i know its bad but it worked - she's coming this afternoon for a few hours! my german isnt getting much better at the mo - dh is the worst translator and when i try to ask him questions about words or grammer he gets in a muddle explaining things!! wish i'd been able to sort out german lessons when i came - i missed this semester - need to wait till september for the next lot to start! i'm watching tv and listening to the radio but need some practice speaking to people!!
well done for doing nearly all on your list yesterday - i'm getting off MN now or i'll get nothing done on my list!!!

ernest I had this at dd's first (bl* pathetic Catholic) school, the head just didn't care in the least about it. She refused outright to even speak to us about it. She absolutely couldn't care less. Mind you it was not as drastic as what you are saying here but bad enough to make my dd stop speaking altogehter and retire totally into her shell. I wish I had pulled her out of that environment IMMEDIATELY but I did expect the school to deal with it in some attempt at effectiveness but they did not.

Although yours is an International School, it sounds as if they are approaching this in a hands-off German manner which is why I wondered if your head was German. I know the British School in Berlin gets right on top of this kind of thing pronto which totally sets it apart from the local schools.

I would not subject your son to this and I would not permit myself to be fobbed off by this dämliche Head. Go with your dh when it suits your dh and insist on the head finding the time to discuss it. Unless the head actively teaches, she can find 10 minutes for you if she wants to. Is your dh quite forthright and tough when he gets going? Mine is at work but was a total waste of time with the school. Since you are leaving anyway, it may not seem worth going through all the hassle I don't know. I would not go on your own when it doesn't suit you just to be told kids will be kids and your ds will either have to lump it or leave tbh.

I know they had some crackpot woman from the ministry of education on tv last year answering questions about violence and bullying at schools and her take was that it is healthy for kids to live out their aggression and therefore they are entirely justified in not doing anything about it. The kids have to sort it out amongst themselves and if the dp don't like it, they can leave and try another school.

Frightening that someone with an attitude like that works for the state in the area of education. Anyhow it seemed not to cross her mind to consider the victim of this healtihy lived out aggression and wonder perhaps whether it was all that healthy for his/her growing psyche.

Bunch of idiots. Well, one MAJOR reason for me in avoiding German schooling would be this and I am really really sorry you have encountered this in the IS too. Makes me wonder if there are any really good alternatives. Also doesn't strike me as good that the head ofthis German school they will be attending was so off-hand with you but I think that is the norm really.

Is there anything else that might be a bit gentler? Would you look at Waldschulen, Montessori etc or are you wary of all that?

Have you looked at phorms?

ZZZen
That is truly shocking, this attitude of "it will toughen them up". Urgh.

We had some bother with DD's friends, they are starting to get into the "I don't like X anymore, I am friends with Y. And Y and I are not going to be friends with X at all, because she just copies us..."

It came to a head this week when the new girl in the school got excluded, the other 3 girls were saying that they did not want to be friends with her, my DD included.

The new girl's mum phoned to say that she was cancelling the playdate that was arranged for that evening, as she was not happy about my DD's behaviour. She said, quite rightly, that she cannot bully her DD at lunchtime then go to play with her after school.

I was really annoyed with DD as she is normally not a nasty girl, but the group dynamic has turned a bit nasty. I feel that we have to stop this before it gets worse and have suggested doing a "Feelings Workshop" with them from next week. They did this in kindergarten and it was really good, talking about feelings, role play etc. To teach the DC some empathy.

One of the parents, an American, was a bit less enthusiastic about it than the ohters, and his DD is the one who could most benefit imo. She is very pushy and direct.

Beginning to wonder what I have let myself in for.

Canella
As long as you are making yourself understood, don't worry about the rest. Well done for phoning the woman, I prefer to send emails at the moment.

Would you be running that workshop ML? Wow Way I see it is that dc will try out different social behaviour at primary school and that this can involve bad behaviour is maybe a fact of life and a result of social dynamics in big groups. However I expect a school to observe dc's interaction and react promptly to aid dc to learn what is and what is not acceptable behavour and I think truly if they do not learn empathy at primary school, they are not ever likely to learn it.

If your dd is on the receiving end of exclusion, nasty comments or put-down jokes etc, she may well try them out herself at some stage. The thing is to see it and speak to your dc about it as you are doing and for the class as a whole to sit in a circle and talk about it and solve it.

I think really all this kind of thing can be nipped in the bud so easily in the early years of primary and it is a disgrace when schools can't be bothered dealing with it.

That is how I see it, ZZZen. Some parents just say, "girls are like that at that age, they have to find out who is boss in the group" but I think there is a point when it goes from normal pushyshovey Zickenhafte behaviour into bullying.

We have to stop this now before the behaviour becomes standard, normal.

Yes, I am doing the workshop myself.

I am copying the stuff that the kita did. Feelings Clock (different feelings around a clock face, hands to point to the feeling) so that the children learn to articulate their feelings.

Feelings memory - this was a cute one. They had to pull happy, sad, angry, frightened faces, photos were taken, copied and laminated for a game of memory.

other stuff, if I can remember more.

MmeLindt - well done for offering to do something like that - very brave, especially as you haven´t really been there that long.

Ernest - agree that the head´s attitude is simply not acceptable. I know English state schools have to have a policy on bullying. At least then there is a clear procedure to follow and it´s much harder for schools to simply brush off parents concerns.I´d be tempted to pull ds1 out if he´s able to start at the new school straight away.

Isn´t admylin flying back today? I hope she keeps us posted on how it´s going.

Canella - well done for phoning. Even though my German is o.k. I try to avoid phoning as much as possible. Hope the playdate goes well.

Hi everyone,

just skimmed the thread as trying to make a birthday cake, get dressed, tidy up etc!

Not been on for ages-DH came back from Iraq last week (hurray!) and the car-very kindly -waited till he was home to break down! Front shock absorber snapped-not much fun! So has been a busy week as DH is still in work till today, but has helped cycle DS to Kita etc (so glad I invested in an electric bike last year). Collecting car today-dreading the bill!

DH goes on leave today and next week we are heading down to Austria via Legoland for long awaited holiday, then going to Scotland for 10 days.(driving up from Austria to Amsterdam-Newcastle ferry, then up to North Scotland.We will be doing about 4500 km in less than 3 weeks! I must be mad!)

Birthday party tomorrow for DS. All but one are coming so should be fun!