Moving to New Zealand

[oodledoo]

After leaving my violent ex and suffering a year of crap following, DP and I are strongly considering moving to NZ. DP has family there and I think we all need a new start. DC's are aged 7 and 3.

We have looked into it and are planning a trip soon, I'm just looking for someone else that has taken the plunge and if they can offer any advice? Tell me I'm craxy, etc

no one will tell you you're craxy I'm sure
I think NZ would be a fantastic place to move to. We're going over there for 4 months at the end of this year and I'm so looking forward to it. We'll be going to stay in Nelson as it seems to have a lot of what we're looking for.

Where are your DP's family living? How will your family feel about you moving?

Well I don't think you are mad. It certainly sounds like a good idea to leave a violent ex as far as possible behind you, and you can't get much further than NZ. You may find though that the distance from your family will make you sad after a while, in particular as you see your dc grow up and they have very little personal contact to your parents.

If your dp has family there, I do think it is a lot different to going to an entirely new place (for both of you) and starting from scratch. There is a lot of good to be said for NZ although personally I am not sure I would like to live there, I do like to visit and I think given the right conditions (financial, interesting work, friendships, good schools, a strong relationship, etc), you can build a nice life for yourself there. However it will not be all smooth I'd imagine.

I think too a lot of people don't have a clear idea of what NZ is like. I lived in Germany for a long time and many many Germans emigrate to NZ - and many of those return to Germany because they had expected NZ to be very different to what it is really like. Not that it is bad, you understand, but if you go there imagining a tropical paradise and that you will be lying on the beach under palm trees all day and discover the weather is not all that warm much of the year - and yes, you will have to work hard at your job and life is full of mundane things everywhere, the bubble is pricked soon enough.

Returning Germans have said to me they found NZ too cold in winter because they were used to well-insulated, heated homes in Germany. So although Germany can get bitterly cold in winter, if you are indoors, it doesn't trouble you in the least. Generally indoors is like being in a sauna. NZ homes are often cold in winter and don't tend to have radiators. You can live with it but you should be prepared to expect it IYSWIM. They also complain that although they went there wanting to spend a lot of time in the great outdoors, in reality they lived in city suburbs (due to work) had only a couple of weeks holidays a year and didn't feel like going for long drives at the weekends to GET to the great outdoors (depends where in NZ you live too).

I think it is good that you are going to have a look at the place and then you'll know a bit better what life would be like for you there. There are some things I like very much about NZ, I think it is a very decent kind of place and people are generally courteous and helpful. Yet they will leave you be and mind their own business and they don't mind you being a bit whacky and eccentric. It's not the type of place where you have to be like everyone else all the time and there didn't seem to me to be a culture of denouncing people to authorities and all that type of behaviour I personally hate.

Some things I remember put me off wanting to settle there permanently (mainly since by training I am a lawyer (uk) and a medieval historian so wouldn't know what to do there professionally). However I would go there in a flash for a limited time - say 2 years or so.

oodledoo we lived there for a year and loved it. but came back due simply to its position on the globe!! in relation to all our friends and family i mean - we just missed them SO much, and i am so happy to be back near them all again, though am well-travelled and have an international background. the great things about NZ are its stunning pristine landscapes and the slightly old-fashioned feel to life over there - i loved the slower pace (tho some hate it!!). a great friend of mine has emigrated to the north island and her kids are the same age as yours (and mine) and having a total ball - surf club after school, loads of sports and a healthy outdoors lifestyle. if you can hack the distance from your loved ones, go for it. but i totally agree with ZZZen - by god we were cold in the winter!! we were in dunedin and they do proper winters there - but in houses built for perma-summer. brrr!

There's been heaps on here over the past year or so about the pros and cons of moving to NZ as so many people seem to be considering it but I can't get the search facility to work to do some links!! You might have better luck. Anyway, we made the move 6 years ago, to Auckland. Dh is kiwi but has no family in Auckland so we've been pretty much on our own since we arrived.

The cons.
It is a long way from home. I still miss family and old friends. We are lucky we can afford for me and the ds's to go home every 18 months but alot of people can't.

Don't come expecting it to be a mini England, it is very different, people, culture, work ethic etc etc...

All the crap of every day life still exists here, crime, politics, the recession, job security (although not on same great scale imo)

Pros
Fantastic lifestyle, we live on 11 acres 30-40mins south of Auckland with spa, pool close to beaches, town, movies, shops etc all 15 mins away.

ds2's day care fantastic. Free 20 hours day care when they turn 3. Really helps.

ds1's school, same fantastic - 20 per class with teacher aide. (imo primary schools have good reputation here senior/high school are varied and depend on where you live, catchment areas etc - not unlike UK. We're looking at private for ds's when they need High School. They're 4 and 8.

Great outdoor lifestyle. Again just my opinion but children are allowed to be children, have fun etc... It's summer here now, it's been a constant hot mid to late 20's. We're part way through the 7 week summer hols and have spent our time at the beach, swimming at home, visiting the zoo. This weekend we're off to one of the islands for a day trip and walk to the summit. We spent last weekend at the beach with friends surfing, having bbq's, playing tennis etc etc.... we just wouldn't/couldn't do all this in teh UK

Would I live here without children- definatly NO. Is it a better place for families imo definately yes.

HTH Where are you looking at moving?

PS it's very true about cold houses - rent or buy new (as long as they're not one of the leaky homes!! or you will freeze your backside off in winter)

god sibble you make me miss NZ soooo much!! we may yet go back when the kids are older (i couldn't hack the isolation while the kids, esp DD then aged 5, were v demanding, but i reckon i could go back with confidence now they are more independent)in a few years' time bcs of the outdoor opportunities and the amazing space and beauty - and the BEACHES, how i miss the beaches! have you been to great barrier island? our (brilliant) nanny was from there.
agree with your post. our kids' school was brilliant. small classes, and huge focus on the social side of things - they are encouraged into public speaking v early for instance - breeding happy and confident kids from early on. we also would have gone for private schools from our research at the secondary level.

If you do a search for NZ then there's lots of great advice (much of it from Sibble ). We've just decided to move, although only for about 4 years I think (although things change obviously). I'm in NZ at the moment (although not in Auckland which is where we will eventually settle when we move back next year) and have been here for about 2 months - not much of a basis to give advice, but here goes with my initial thoughts!

Pros - it's beautiful and so empty compared to the UK. We've just beento the beach after work and the kids are thriving on being outside all the time. People are generally really friendly and it doesn't feel too much of a culture shock if that makes sense (although there are big cultural differences and I'm sure more will become apparent the longer we are here). Lots of activities for children - sounds silly, but the play grounds and swimming pools I've come across are so much better than 99% of anything I've encountered in the UK.

Cons - It's expensive. The salary to cost of living ratio is ridiculous. I'm lucky in that I've been offered a job on a comparable UK scale because they are trying to encourage international applicants. However, I'd check what you and/or DP are likely to earn unless you have a lot of savings/house equity to subsidise you. Haven't experienced the cold houses yet, but this is what all expats here (and NZ mumsnetters) have warned me about. Having said that I've a friend here and she says there are solutions e.g. heat pumps and probably depends where you are living as to how much of an issue it is. And obviously you miss family/friends and have to cope with their sadness about you moving/being away as well which can make you feel v guilty (although not intended in that way).

Sure more pros and cons will emerge!

My advice would be come for a visit and see what you make of it. It must be a difficult decision after having had such a traumatic experience, but you can always treat it as an adventure - as my DH said about our move 'the worst that can happen is that we'll come back again'. And it's true. Sure there's issues around jobs etc., but that'll depend a lot on what you/DP do.

Good luck with your decision making. Let me know if there's anything I can help with from here (although may have to defer to those more knowledgeable then myself!).

There are loads of general posts from Sibble, Ghosty, MrsJohnCusack and me on this. If you have anything specific such as the availability of your favourite chocolate bar then ask away...