Anyone had a baby many miles from any friends or family? How did you manage?

[Bunkups33]

We have recently moved to the US on a 2 year secondment and dc3 is due next month.

I had some kind of loose plan of befriending neighbours etc who may be able to care for the other 2 (4 and 2) while I'm in labour. It hasn't really worked that way mostly as cold snowy weather seems to keep people indoors at this time of year!

I have met a few people but no one I could impose upon (or indeed expect kids to happily go to) at short notice. My mum will come out once baby comes but will not be able to get here quick enough for labour!

Have thought about a nanny but am not sure how that would work as to be available in emergency I guess they would have to live in and I'm not keen on a nanny living in.

Any one got any clever ideas??

Why dont you get a childminder to come over regularly while you are in the house,so the children will get used to her.It should only take a few hours a few times a week.

I just gave birth to our third child on my own for similar reasons.

DH needed to stay home with our other two.

If I had the means, I'd hire a nanny to live in until baby arrives and even afterwards.

Well worth getting used to it, IMO, especially as it's just temporary.

Can only help by giving other side of story... I met a woman on mn last year, who had moved to the uk and knew no one. We had some things in common (they were from the same country as DH). She was six months pregnant when she arrived, so we looked after her 18m old son when she went into labour.
She put her trust in us, which must have been tough for her... but she didn't know anyone else.

Hope you find someone who can help out.

I apent 6 months in the us when ds was a baby (from 10 weeks old to 9 months). frankly I hated it and it made my PND even worse, However ds was my first so I'm sure tbhat made things worse, also your dc3 will be entitled tp US citizenship so that is quite good.

As to your question, How soon is you new dc due? I think you need to start some babysitting swaps with the people you have met or maybe just asking them for who they use for babysitting and start using who is recommended. That way your children will know them.

Once you have a couple people you trust to babysit ask them if they would be willing to be on call/called at short notice and if they say yes agree an 'unsociable hours rate'

You may find they offer (if they are swapping babysitting rather than being poaid IYSWIM.

I'd start asking now, if you explain the problem in a 'do you know any good babysitters?" kind of way ans explain why you need one in the long term, i.e not just for a night out - it leaves it open for them to offer to help or to recommend someone. Good luck

Yes had not really thought about babysitters - would certainly be cheaper than the nanny option!

Maybe a part time nanny for a few weeks would be good though as I'd actually get some help.

Baby is due in 7 weeks and may well be early so not much time to make arrangements. Since am likely to end up having a c-section some part time help might be a good idea before and after birth.

Expat how was it giving birth on your own? Not sure how I feel about that as previous 2 were not at all straightforward (both babies in neonatal unit for different reasons).

Might have to do sums and see if nanny is realistic option and will ask around about babysitters.

Thanks all

I do have friends nearby but most are working and dhs mum 60 miles away.I found retired nanny on internet.She is great and has come when there has been an emergency.I do remember before I fouund her thought it would be impossible ds(2) loves her and often wants her over vomiting pregnant mummy.

Hi,
I have just had baby #4 in Australia, and we have no family or friends here either really.

I had a homebirth, so didn't have the same worries regarding chidcare, but my mom arrived a week before baby was due and stayed for a month, so if for some reason I had had to transfer to the hospital she would have been here to take care of them. Can your mom arrive a little early in preparation for new baby?

Otherwise, join a babysitting agency. We have had to do this to enable us to have some "couple time", and the first couple of times were nerve-wracking, but after that it has been fine. I always request the same person, so we have all formed quite a bond now.

HTH

Some nanny agencies do have an emergency nanny service. Not sure how it works as have only seen it mentioned on their websites. Guess you have to pay a premium for it.

Bunkups33 - following on from TinselTwiddler's post - why not post a new thread in this topic aimed at Mumsnetters in US/in your area - asking for (a) recommendations and/or (b) help?

Might be worth a try ... I'm sure people would be happy to help if they knew your predicament ...use a direct appeal approach - something like "Help, new to (name of town)in US, giving birth soon, no one to look after other dc" and see what happens ...

Failing all that ... ask around at your local church???

Good luck - I live overseas (only mainland Europe) but I know it makes all this sort of thing so much more stressful ...hope you manage to get something sorted

I think a part-timer would be ideal.

Get her to start now for a few hours a week to see how she interacts with your DC and guide her through your family's routine.
Then build up to half day each day (or whatever suits you) when you have the baby.

If you can afford it, just do it.
You know you need all the help you can get for the first few weeks.

I personally would never advertise a nanny search on internet. Who knows which loony might be trolling.

Local church recommendations sound like a reasonable option.

Yes, good point about security Slim, really meant that there might be other expat British mumsnetters out there in Bunkups33 area who might know what is going on in terms of toddler groups/church organisations who could point you in the right direction of qualified person ...

my older 1 and then 2 came to the hospital when numbers 2 and 3 were born as there was nowhere else for them but then I had elective c-sections so had a time and date.
Number 4 was a homebirth so they were in the room.

hi

am in the same kind of position as you - due dc3 on Xmas Day and out here in the US.

We've been here for about 17 months now, and one of the first things I did was find a babysitter to help me out a few hours a week. I put an advert on craigslist.com for my area, stating what I needed found an amazing girl who has been a godsend ever since. The dc's adore her, she adores them, and she is lovely and trustworthy. I recommend looking at craigslist anyway, it's much more poplar here than oin the UK.

Whereabouts are you?

I was in a similar position with DD2, I had a homebirth rather than give birth laone, I know this sadly is not an option for a lot of people

We were living in Romania when I was pregnant with the DDs, and I went back to London to heave them out (DH made the first birth, as she was late, but not the second, as she was early). Was without any family close by in London, went back to Romania when they were a few weeks old (about 5 weeks, I think).

Went slightly mad back in Romania as I didn't know anyone else with children (with hindsight, I think it may have been PND), and everyone else I knew worked FT, but found lovely, lovely nanny and things improved vastly from that day onwards.

Very nearly gave birth alone with DS...MIL was coming over to look after DD and was arriving week Saturday week before my due date as I had already been feeling like it might not be too much longer. Went into labour Friday night, had to get ambulance to hosp so DH could stay with DD. Sat morning he goes through entire list of my friends and eventually found someone who could take DD and arrived a couple of hours before DS's birth. MIL arrived in France 1 hour later.
Midwives in hospital were BRILLIANT but found it a bit stressful as DD was section and I was planning (and had) VBAC so wasn't too sure what to expect this time round. HOWEVER when you go into labour you know you just have to get on with it so you do IYSWIM.
Hope you can find a babysitter

Thanks for all the replies - been offline for a few days. Am considering biting the bullet and signing up with a nanny agency. Fees are high but since time is short I don't have much choice. My mum will come but as dd came at 42 weeks and ds at 32, who knows when she should book her flight!!

We have only been here 4 weeks and I'm starting to think that some part time help would be good as I am permanently shattered and finding it quite intense having no one nearby to have the kids even for a hour. Taking 2 toddlers to the doctors / hospital for appointments is stressful!

I am in Des Moines Iowa and would post for local MNers but I just can't believe there would be any!!!

I am resigned to going it alone if I have too but both other births were awful and babies ended up in Neonatal afterwards so not ideal.

Maybe there is an American Momsnet or similar you could post on? As a way to meet some people in the next few weeks (while investigating the nanny options). I sometimes browse American parenting sites, there are lots, but I don't know about localised ones.

How about desmoines.momslikeme.com/members/exploregroups.aspx ?