Der Herbst ist da - wir wollen aber kein Regenwetter: Life in Germany cont/d

[finknottle]

Too lazy to scroll through the other long one.

Here for Obst und Blaetter - guess what d came home from school singing yesterday?

All welcome, Austria & Switzerland & any German-speaking Leute too

LOL Admylin, your DH certainly meets the criteria of an absentminded professor doesn't he?

Taipo
Belated congratulations to your DD. I sometimes think that we should get a pressie too on the DCs birthdays, we were the ones that did the work, they just turned up

Talking of pressies, DH has asked my advice on buying a Christmas present. I have only been saying things like, "Oh, that ring is lovely", and "I would really love a decent camera", for ages now. Not that I am really expecting anything so expensive, but I have been hinting. He said that he looked in the window of the jewelery shop but there were dozens of rings and he did not know which one I liked. I think we need to go shopping together.

I have booked 2 nights in a hotel in Lyon just after Xmas, perhaps we can look for something then. We need to put a bit more effort into our relationship, he is grumbling again.

I am just putting some music on my iPhone so that I can listen to it when I go on my walks in the morning. It is really easy to use, I am in lurve.

So far, I have Seal (the new album) and Runrig, am going to put Simply Red and Foreigner on next.

Can't really justify iPhone. Tis only lust.
Have a mobile I really like and an MP3 player which is also great & has a sleek speaker dock thing. Have an obsession a fondness for small slimline black gadgets. Plus it took me ages to be able to convert files for the MP3 player as we are open source.
What I loved about my brother's wasn't just the sleekness & design & general amazing-ness of it but that he has it networked to his desktop & laptops so I was happily emailing pictures to all & sundry all over the world. It was so effortless cf our laborious open source marathons. We would use Mac 'cept h needs Microsoft for work. The open source stuff may be wonderful but converting is a pain to get sorted.

Shall go and search out the Seal album, love his voice. Haven't put any new music on my Zen for ages, you know how music instantly reminds you of people & places, I find that loads of stuff I put on in the last 6 months now reminds me of this year's miserable grief-ridden time and I must have 15 playlists of really wonderful music I can't listen to now...all too raw still.
So new stuff is good.

Is only 4C here, overcast. Have lead in my boots from too many late nights & too much wine over the weekend. Was out at a Ball on Sat and did my rotten h dance with me? No, stuffed his face with steak and legged it to the bar. Luckily after 2 hrs of wistfully watching everyone dance and drinking too much wine with my friend who'd had a row with her h so wasn't really in a dancing mood... I was adopted by a really sweet man who whisked me away and we danced for 2 hrs.
Wish I could trade my h in for a dancer, or at the least a small, sleek, slimline gadget

Morning!
I've stopped listening to music at all. It seems to go with my mood, brain cells dying and no real enthusiasm for anything. It's sad, because I used to love music. Haven't even got a decent cd player let alone mp3 or anything. I sometimes mourn over my old LP collection back inUK. I had some great soul records and of course my Abba collection. I used to go out dancing all night 'til my legs ached too, wouldn't dream of doing that now although it would do me good but you need to be in the mood abit before you go - it's like a viscious circle.

Anyway, I shouldn't be talking like this as I'm trying to get posotive again and not moan too much. Yes mmelindt, h is a true mad scientist, batty professor. I also think we should put some effort into our marriage but I can't be bothered at the moment. We're just coasting along, he's engrossed at work and I'm trying to make sure the dc cope with everything at school and this move.

What are you all getting your h's for Christmas then? What have the dc asked for? My 2 don't want much, they know we haven't got much money left over so I think they're not saying because they are clever enough to know I won't be getting them much. They arehowever very lucky to have generous grandparents so they'll atleast get a nice parcel each from UK. I'm looking at music stands for ds, dd wants a recorder and instruction booklet (infact a big electric keyboard would be more up her street but can't find one I can afford just now!)

Gawd knows. Last year I got him a turntable which converts LPs to digital, stroke of genius I thought as he's not into MP3s and still has shelf loads of jazz records. He had a few days of converting LPs since when it's sat gathering dust
Money's tight here too, no mad expenditure just everyday stuff is so expensive now - our food bills are horrendous. H is in a huff about it and mutters darkly about me getting a job - fat chance, every part-time job in the area is chased by hundreds of women with school-age children and one of the main employers here is laying off staff atm. V gloomy.
Not doing much for your positive thinking am I? Def got the Monday morning blues, must shower & go out on the bike for some air. Have another school meeting tonight and my head is full of cotton wool.

I find putting on loud music and dancing around the kitchen is v cheery, admlin. Abba would be great. Get an MP3 for Christmas!

Finknottle,
this is my first foray into the world of mp3s and the like so I am pretty much lost. I was needing a new mobile and have been wanting an mp3 player, so this was a good way of persuading DH that I really need an iPhone. I am still not happy with it though, as for some reason I am not getting my emails straight to the phone, just when I go into emails. Not that it is a fault with the phone, I suspect that I have done something wrong with the whole sync thingy.

I know what you mean about music, I also associate music with particular times in my life.

Admylin
You need to get Abba Gold out of the box and put on very loudly, dance around singing at the top of your voice (maybe make sure the curtains are drawn first) I love Abba, and so do the DCs. DS has it in his room and they often put it on and dance about, it always makes me smile

We have been having so many discussions over the past months about our "growing apart" as DH sees it. I cannot say that it is someting that I have worried about or even noticed, but he keeps telling me that he is not happy. So we are trying to do more stuff together, even if it was just clearing out the cellar and getting the kids' playroom and the guest room organised.

Just as well as he has just phoned to ask if it is ok, he has invited a guest to stay tomorrow evening.

Must get the ironing and the hoovering done then (hope the hoover arrived today!)

DD wants inliners for Xmas, or perhaps a doll's pram. Not sure about either of these, as she does not actually play an awful lot wiht her dolls. And I am not sure if she is old enought for inliners.

I had thought of buying her an easel, as she loves to draw and paint. Will have to rethink that one.

DS wants anything and everything with Lightning McQueen on it, so that is easy.

They don't get loads though, one main present and some stocking fillers.

LOL at xposts, on Abba advice for Admylin

Your d is 6, same as mine, isn't she? Think you're right about her being too young, the boys didn't really get to grips with their roller blades till a wee bit older, and s2 is master Balance.
We have an easel, gets used loads - mostly by d but the boys still join in sometimes. Also great for when friends visit and d's parties, the girls love painting & have a picture to bring home.
D has 890 dolls and has agreed she doesn't need any more. I got a MyToys mini-catalogue in the post and d went through and circled all the horses... so I guess that'll be a big hint. She's the easiest to buy for, tbh.

We're rather in a mirror position to yours, MmeL I think, in that I seem to feel like your h does. And we are busy doing things which even when we do them together aren't for us iyswim. Thought the ball would be good (had v soppy romantic time last year) but as I posted, we may as well not have gone together, was rather telling my lovely dancing partner's wife couldn't go so we were both 'alone'
Was fun though

Yes,
Abba would do me good but my collection is on LP back in UK along with my Style council and The Jam ones The Jam have great songs for letting aggression out. I have one CD here that I put on the computer when it doesn't decide to crash and I sing along to it when someone has spoilt my day here and I forgot to punch them or tell them what I think of them. It also has my favourite song for homesickness on English rose

Morning!

How funny you're all talking about Abba. Dh was out on Saturday night and I put my Abba Gold CD on while I sang and danced around the kitchen making stuff for dd's party. Dh came home half way through and I felt a bit miffed that he'd interrupted me!

I think we're in a similar position to you atm MmeLindt. I don't feel we do anything as a couple anymore. All his energies are spent on the dc when he's at home which is great for them and in the past it always made me happy that he is prepared to spend so much time for them but it's now making me feel a bit . He's quite busy at work atm and I'm struggling to get used to working (albeit only part-time) again so we're both grumpier than usual with each other. This led to a big row the other day which would normally clear the air but this time it hasn't and there are still ishoos we need to discuss but I think neither of us can face it.

Do you have a YouTube account?

Get one, fill up with favourites! I started with a quick search for you.

Admylin, just saw the English Rose link
Hi taipo

The Music topic on here is good for finding new music to listen to.

I have one finknottle but the computer keeps crashing - it really is on the list of things-we-need-now . I have just told h on the phone about it too but I don't think he's listening to me. It'll probably have to blow up before he notices. I rang him because i just wrote a long post and the computer crashed - all lost, I told him I'd been working on his new CV of course!

Hi taipo, how did the party go?

Not very good on the marital front round here is it?
Funny, despite how close I am to some German friends we rarely talk about our marriages whereas I do with my expat friends, even with those I'm not that close to. I don't mean very private or intimate details but similar to what I'd write here, and they with me. General support, I suppose, the odd rant, can help put things into perspective.
I hate the 'hanging over your head ishoos' too. And knowing if you start, WW3 may break out.
Chocolate, anyone?
Slug of brandy in your coffee?

I had a good friend in Berlin - we talked about everything. She started it by telling me how she'd thrown her h out one Christmas eve and he'd begged to come back and they were trying again but it wasn't working. Although it's sad , it sort of does reassure you that you aren't the only one to feel the way you do in some circumstances. I often wonder if the guys talk about us to their friends? Wonder what that conversation would go like!

I don't think dh would talk to his friends about our relationship. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not. I mean I don't like the idea of him discussing stuff in detail but sometimes you do need some kind of outlet. Thing is though that he doesn't put much effort into his friends either atm. I have made at least a few new friends since moving here but he hasn't and doesn't contact his old friends much any more either. I think it would do him good to do something outside of work and family but he doesn't seem to see it like that.

We did a pool party for dd. It was at a fairly small pool near here - 2 hours with Betreuung. I think everyone enjoyed it but 2 girls managed to leave their swimming stuff on the tram!

That's a good idea, a pool party. Dd had the worst birthday of her life this year. We'd just moved so no one came and she didn't get many presents (although she did get her new bike) as my parents were due to come a couple of weeks later so they decided to bring the presents when they came. Sigh, can never make them all happy how ever hard you try.

My h is abit anti social too - I have managed to get him introduced and talking to the neighbour's h and they've agreed to actuall ygo out together and play squash (phew, now I don't have to) but still no fixed date. We had a young couple staying recently, freshly married and she was moaning how she didn't like it when he went out with his work mates after work to the pub (in Scotland) and how he should be rushing home to her after work EVERY night. I'd love my h to go out a couple of nights and socialize abit, it would do him good and I'd get the remote controls for those nights too!

My h doesn't with his friends either.

I can scale how rocky things are between us by the type and volume of music coming out of his study. Last night it was loud jazz.
On a scale of 1-10 that's about a 7 It's also an 8 on the "What am I doing with my life?" pityfest scale.

Oh lordy, just checked my email and he wants a saxophone for Christmas. He had one but stopped playing and when we were really hard up a few years ago, sold it and his clarinet.
Things must be bad. Wanting a musicla instrument is a 9.5 on the pityfest scale.

Is it too early for gin?

Yes, exactly. And I'd get to Mnet without him sighing and rolling his eyes!

I should probably make more effort to chat with him in the evenings but most of the time he sits on the sofa reading the paper or falling asleep in front of the TV. Ah the joys of being middle-aged

Since my h registered that it was his birthday and calculated how old he is (mid 40's) he keeps saying things like 'I'd better stay put, no one who's nearly 50 moves across the world' or 'I'd better get a move on with discovering something, time's running out when you're nearly 50' I always have to hide the fact that I'm laughing, all he really wants is some sympathy isn't it!

Good to know we are not the only couple who do not understand each other. I would say I am content, he wants to get back the feelings we had when we were 19yo.

I am probably too wrapped up in day to day life and the children to recapture my youth.

He will be 40 next year, perhaps a midlife crisis?

Sounds like it mmelindt! Just have to sit it out and wait for him to grow out of it maybe. I'll always remember an old friend who said he'd decided to get married because he found it too much of an effort to go out and 'court' a girl to get some sex and atleast if he was married it would all be there waiting for him when he got home he now has 4 ds's and I bet 'it' isn't waiting for him when he gets home! That's all men want isn't it - get in from work, meal is already on the table and the woman is already on the bed in negligee and suspenders. Ideal world

H is 45, maybe it's a 5-yr cyclical thing?

When he turned 35 he went moody and would go off driving a lot. Kept applying for jobs in the Caribbean, iirc.

When he turned 40 he drove to the other end of Germany, bought a boat and spent 3 days staring at the sea.

He talks intermittently of buying his Harley but so far, the saxophone is def signposting something.

In the non-big years (38, 43 etc.) he used to buy huge American 4x4 cars. Now we have the most boring safe family estate car, a Volvo, so I reckon he's biding the time before trying the "I want a Harley" tack.

gosh he really does have a hankering for the sea, doesn't he finks? Has he (have you) never considered moving to a seaside place in Germany or would that be difficult job-wise?

I love the sea too. I can stare at it for hours. Beats staring at the ironing

Mme L, your relationship sounds very intact and good to me, judging it from afar as I am. I do like him wondering what jewellery to buy you and things like that, quite sweet and still romantic really.