Elderly parents want to move to France

[Nighttimeistherightime]

My Mum and stepdad currently live in Spain. They have decided (age 76 and 82) that they want to move to France. They have lived all over the world but have previously been part of thriving ex pat communities. I’ve tried to explain that France is a very different country. In my experience you have to speak French fluently- neither of them do. They don’t even speak Spanish! They are looking at property in rural areas and seem to think that it’ll be easy to assimilate. I’ve tried explaining how tricky it will be and how isolated they might feel but to no avail. Mum has complex medical needs, currently she is well looked after with established contact with her dr in Spain. I think it’s madness to start again as pensioners. Mum has mobility issues so they only really go to shops and restaurants and even then don’t walk far, so won’t be able to explore the area or enjoy days out.
AIBU to keep pointing out what I think are obvious issues or are they right in thinking that low property prices will give them a better standard of living? I’ve always supported them and been proud of their adventurous spirit but this move seems like a step backwards. I’d appreciate the opinion of anyone with more experience- maybe I’m wrong to worry.

Where do you live? Presumably they aren't expecting any practical assistance from you?

They're grown ups. Let them get on with it.

I’d suggest if they want to move anywhere go to somewhere like Charente maritime which has lots of ex pat Brits. Friends of my parents lived there, one barely spoke French and got by but his wife had good French.

A relative of ours lived rurally in Normandy and recently moved to Cornwall as she needed more of a community plus she’s disabled. French healthcare is quite good though, doctors are excellent. The only thing I’d worry about is if they need care homes as I have no idea about those in France!

If they have capacity then they are perfectly ok to make what other people including you believe to be stupid decisions. I agree it seems like it would be a very bad plan but you will just have to accept their decision. That is not to say that you need to do anything to facilitate the move or leap to help if/when something goes wrong.

I think she’s right to worry if they might need care homes and or carers in future.

I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad plan. Friends of my parents had holiday homes or lived permanently there. The whole aisle of Intermarche (supermarket) had British foods/drinks.

Personally I don’t think it makes sense , but suspect they’ve been lured by what looks like cheap property ( and France is cheap, but often only in fairly rural areas with few facilities or property that requires a lot of maintanance) there’s a really good Facebook page called expats in France and you can see many of the pitfalls that people fall into , particularly Americans who have easy visas in - Also have your parents checked the requirements for France post Brexit - ? Or do they have EU passports? Just because they have permanent residence in Spain does not mean they can move anywhere else, they still have to fit the conditions for3rd country immigrants - Francesare more moderate than other places but they are tightening up, will involve a certain amount of income level, etc! Only Americans get a fairly easy ride and I expect them to tighten up on that too

If they're looking at rural areas, read up on "medical deserts” (déserts médicaux). There can be a serious lack of GPs in rural areas and hospitals can be a considerable distance away. Trying to find healthcare professionals able and willing to use English in a medical context adds more complication.

The British food in supermarkets isn't the point. We used to live in France, and even though I speak good French, life can get tricky. What will they do about their tax forms, for example?

They need to move to an area with a strong ex pat community, as I think they will find it too difficult otherwise.

Doubt a rural area of France would be any cheaper than a rural area of Spain, and unless they have Spanish/EU nationality they will be restricted by the Brexit bonus.

OP! I’m with you: I think it’s madness. If they have good healthcare and are part of an ex-pat community in Spain, why in earth would they want to go to France? The “medical deserts” are a real issue in rural France, and it’s not that easy to slot into a community, especially if they don’t speak any French - in fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s madness trying to negotiate the hurdles of French bureaucracy if you don’t speak the language. I think your DPs would be very much better off staying where they are, OP.

It's a bonkers idea but as others have said, if they have capacity there's nothing you can do. Prepare for the all too inevitable fall out as failing health causes many complications.

We had a friend became seriously ill in Spain, he died as a result. He or his partner could not speak spanish. To be blunt, it was a disaster. There was no translator available even if they paid ... they could have took somebody and paid 4 hours per day including travel. Made us realise that living abroad is no good as you get older unless you can speak the language fluently.

They must have residency if they live in Spain.

I think it's completely insane for them to do this. However, they have capacity to make their own choices so they will also need to accept the consequences if there are some negative ones. Nothing you can do but respect their decision.

I would have a word with them once, spell out your genuine concerns and then drop the matter entirely. It's their life, their choice. However, I would make it absolutely clear that I would not be travelling to and fro France to pick up the pieces if it all goes to shit.

Residency of one country doesn't mean you can move to another one anymore, unless they are EU citizens / passport holders.

I used to dream of retiring with a gite complex in rural France. No more - need to drive miles to get anywhere and absolutely dead in outside the summer months.

We are just about to leave France for the UK after 20 years. We both speak French fluently which is just as well, because bureacracy can be a nightmare, especially since Brexit. We never had huge numbers of British in our bit of France, but those there were are disappearing fast. We have very good French friends, but DH has just had three years of serious illness and you realise ultimately, how alone you are and how difficult it is for your children.
The French health system has been wonderful, as has the support for prioritising care at home. The care home system is good, though we have no direct experience.
i would advise your parents not to do it. We have spent time in Spain and I can say France is nothing like as easy as it seemed to be for Brits on the Costas.

Thank you for all the replies. I agree they are adults, have capacity and can do what they like. I’ve never tried to stop them and haven’t this time. I have voiced my concerns once, but won’t push my opinions on them.
I love that they have a sense of adventure but I’m the only child who will be able to help them, legally or practically in the future. My Mum doesn’t even drive which has been a concern even in Spain, but at least they have some English friends there who could help if anything happened.
If they spoke even basic French I’d have more confidence in them doing this but I can’t see how their lives will be better. Yes they have Spanish residency at the moment.
It’s helpful to hear from people who have experience of living in France- thank you for this.

That’s exactly what I had done-I agree no need for me to press my point!
Sadly it will be me who has to step in if need be- there’s no one else.

Let them get on with it. It's surely unlikely they will ever actually get to the point of moving to France. My parents (in their 70s) often talk about moving (within the UK) but they will never do it!

Although, what sort of distance are we talking? A relatively short drive between where they live and where they want to move to? Or a flight? If it's the former then there's maybe a higher chance they'll actually do it.

I agree that it's not a good idea, but I think you should try and help them work out the pros and cons. Try to be open minded so you're not just coming across as completely dismissive or critical.
I think if you helped them with researching areas and what they are hoping for, then the facilities in those areas and community etc, they might well decide against it anyway.
Maybe they need a change from what they currently have, but there may be cheaper options closer to where they are now?

Could you persuade them to move to one of the ferry ports? Ouistreham and Dieppe are both lovely.

That does not sound like a good idea at all!!! And I get people saying let them to it, they are adults. But I also get what you are saying you will be the one to pick up the pieces.

Would they have the money to rent somewhere in France for a year while keeping their place in Spain? See how that goes?

If they only have residency in Spain then moving to France is off the table.

Have you established why they want to leave Spain?

They have a big plot of land and can’t afford a gardener. I’ve tried to point out what they will be paying out to move but they don’t see it.
They have always been interested in buying in France, I just think they’ve missed their chance to do it hassle free.