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Living overseas

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Original poster

How do you cope if your kids move to Oz???

82 replies

Helliehollyrose · 27/06/2023 19:28

My daughter is in Oz at the moment for 5 months and I'm struggling massively. Her gf lives there and they both come back in Oct.
She's loving life and enjoying every minute but I'm just feeling so sick to my stomach that she will want to live in Oz. I know there's nothing in this country for young people but she's my only child and I can't bear the thought of not hugging her every day!! She's only been gone a week and it feels like forever.
I knew she wouldn't live in our town but thought it might be somewhere by the sea, but not the sea on the other side of the world!! 😢

OP posts:
Summerslimtime · 27/06/2023 19:36

It's simple- you visit for 6 months a year! This is my secret plan.

Usernamenotavailab · 27/06/2023 19:38

Go with her?

one of mine is off to a different country for Uni. I am planning lots of holidays!

inappropriateraspberry · 27/06/2023 19:44

You wish them well and visit them when you can. How would you feel if she moved to France, America or just the other end of the country?
If she's away, she's away however far that is, and is entitled to live her own life how she wants.

PedantScorner · 27/06/2023 19:47

A friend of mine emigrated to Oz. She was an only child. Her mother moved there.

I know a couple who have two children, and both children live abroad, and none of them even in the same continent.

Holly60 · 27/06/2023 20:06

With her being an only child I think I'd be comforting myself with the idea that if she emigrated id go too. It will get you through the next few months if nothing else

Usernamenotavailab · 27/06/2023 20:21

inappropriateraspberry · 27/06/2023 19:44

You wish them well and visit them when you can. How would you feel if she moved to France, America or just the other end of the country?
If she's away, she's away however far that is, and is entitled to live her own life how she wants.

I think a 2 hour flight to France, a train journey to the other end of the country, or even a 9 hour flight to the US is a different ball game to the journey to Australia 🤷‍♀️

you can’t really fly to Australia for a short break to see them.

chopc · 27/06/2023 21:15

I have three kids and I would be devastated if they moved so far away. Even though the elder is at Uni we are still pretty much a close family unit and enjoy spending time together. I can't imagine not being a part of their lives.
We moved to the Middle East for a few years and I know my own mother was devastated we arranged for her to visit at least twice a year and now we are back in UK.
I know the world is smaller now but Oz is still at the other end of the world

Gymmum82 · 27/06/2023 21:17

I’d move with them

Thistooshallpsss · 27/06/2023 21:23

For those saying they would also move I’m not sure it would be possible to get a visa.

KnitMePurlMe · 27/06/2023 21:26

I was going to say the same thing - surely getting into Oz is really hard when your older!!

RaininSummer · 27/06/2023 21:28

I would be very sad if mine moved that far away and I doubt I could go to at 60.

GoodVibesHere · 27/06/2023 21:50

I'd be heartbroken, personally.

illiterato · 27/06/2023 21:59

I think ds might pull this stunt- he loves Australia- I can see him ending up in Perth or otherwise moving back to HK, where he was born. I can’t really explain it but he has an affinity/ emotional tie to Asia that my over dc don’t have despite also being born there. I would miss him but ultimately he’s got to do what’s best for him. Sounds terrible but I’m not that bothered about GC so that helps.

Maddy70 · 27/06/2023 22:06

My daughter moved to a different country. But as far as yours but still a long way. I pretended I was uber happy for her following her dreams. And you know what. I started to believe it. Now I live in the same country as her. What a wonderful opportunity for everyone. The UK is a shit storm.

Be happy for the opportunity they now have. Flights make the world incredibly small

IneedanewTV · 27/06/2023 22:13

You wave then off with a smile and a Pat on the back and welcome them home with a hug. We bring our children up to fly the nest and have the type of life that is better than ours. I would cry but then start planning some trips. It is 24 hrs away which is a long way but doable. You sleep a lot on the plane and count the hours down to see them. My son has joined the military and has been on a 12 week residencial course. He will then go off anywhere and I have no idea when I will see him.

inappropriateraspberry · 27/06/2023 22:33

Why would you be heartbroken? My brother emigrated to Perth when I was 11. I've been 3 times, my parents have been quite a few times since retiring, but it's his life to live as he chooses. My parents were not heartbroken, but saw it as his chance to live the life he wanted to. They definitely didn't want to follow him out there!

Cornishmumofone · 28/06/2023 14:24

Both of my siblings have emigrated to Australia. They went in their early 20s (over 20 years ago). One is near Brisbane and the other is near Perth. I've not seen my brother for 4 years, but I have a text chat with both my siblings and my mum. My sister and I have infrequent video calls. I miss them, but also understand that they are following their own dreams.

Hbh17 · 28/06/2023 14:28

You take pleasure in the fact that she's happy. You accept that, now she's an adult, you can't live your life through her, regardless of where she lives. Even if she lived in the same country as you, she would probably live at some distance, be busy with work, social life etc.
You develop your own friendships and interests and congratulate yourself on having brought up a capable, independent child. You let her go.

Willmafrockfit · 29/06/2023 05:29

i would have thought i would be heart broken however in reality, you can see them on line
if not in person, you can still communicate
my dd is far away, but we catch up

AuntieMarys · 29/06/2023 05:36

Hbh17 · 28/06/2023 14:28

You take pleasure in the fact that she's happy. You accept that, now she's an adult, you can't live your life through her, regardless of where she lives. Even if she lived in the same country as you, she would probably live at some distance, be busy with work, social life etc.
You develop your own friendships and interests and congratulate yourself on having brought up a capable, independent child. You let her go.

Well said.

Ragwort · 29/06/2023 05:46

Totally agree with Hbh17 - I have raised my (only) DC to be confident and independent... if that involves living abroad then I would be proud. No need to be enmeshed with your adult DC. I wouldn't have wanted to feel I had to take my DP's views into account when I planned my career and where I lived. As it happens I do now live near my elderly DM ... but certainly didn't when I was younger. It would have felt suffocating if I was expected to provide my DP's 'happiness' or 'fulfilment in life' and I would never do that to my DS.

And I really don't think it's that easy to move to Australia to be near your grown up DC ... and what a burden to put on them.

Willmafrockfit · 29/06/2023 06:18

i think my feelings might change if grandchildren came along but there are no guarantees in life

NashvilleQueen · 29/06/2023 06:59

Aside from the visa issue perhaps adult children don't aways want their parents to follow them ...

And what if they only want to be in Australia for a bit and then move again?

She's only just gone and so it's incredibly hard for you right now. Work on the assumption she will be back in a few months and review your plans if that changes.

Algarveliving · 09/07/2023 19:15

Helliehollyrose · 27/06/2023 19:28

My daughter is in Oz at the moment for 5 months and I'm struggling massively. Her gf lives there and they both come back in Oct.
She's loving life and enjoying every minute but I'm just feeling so sick to my stomach that she will want to live in Oz. I know there's nothing in this country for young people but she's my only child and I can't bear the thought of not hugging her every day!! She's only been gone a week and it feels like forever.
I knew she wouldn't live in our town but thought it might be somewhere by the sea, but not the sea on the other side of the world!! 😢

She is only there for 5 months and have not moved there yet so why start worrying about now. What if her gf wants to live here, what if the relationship doesn’t last; you said they are coming in October. Try to relax and let her enjoy her adventure