How do you cope if your kids move to Oz???

[Helliehollyrose]

My daughter is in Oz at the moment for 5 months and I'm struggling massively. Her gf lives there and they both come back in Oct.
She's loving life and enjoying every minute but I'm just feeling so sick to my stomach that she will want to live in Oz. I know there's nothing in this country for young people but she's my only child and I can't bear the thought of not hugging her every day!! She's only been gone a week and it feels like forever.
I knew she wouldn't live in our town but thought it might be somewhere by the sea, but not the sea on the other side of the world!! 😢

I guess that's the good thing about these forums, we're allowed to express our opinions.

I am an immigrant in the UK. My mum didn't come with me. She must not love me enough.
Or perhaps its the fact that it's not that easy to get a bloody visa, change your job and emigrate.

Absolutely- but that’s not the same as telling posters they’re suffocating their children and not letting them live their lives. You don’t know what the family conversations on the issue have been.

@SirChenjins no, I don't know what the family conversations have been. But neither do the posters telling the OP to follow her child to another country.

I'm not being antagonistic, honestly! I'm not being "that" poster. I guess it touched a nerve with me and couldn't think of anything worse than my own (already very suffocating) mum following me across the world!

No, that’s very true, we don’t - and I know you’re not being antagonistic, honest! 😊.

I think it just highlights that it’s important to be honest, realistic and to keep the channels of communication open. A move to Oz is not just a move a few hours down the road and I think it’s important to understand what’s involved and what the impact on the family back in the UK is going to be. No-one should be made to feel guilty about going and likewise, no parent should be made up feel guilty for not going over every year (or whatever) when they might want to do other things with their retirement and pension, or with their other children back in the UK.

My brother moved to Turkey (he married a Turkish lady in the UK) and I took an expat job in Papua New Guinea.
My mum said (afterwards) at her lowest moments she wondered whether she was such a bad mum that her children moved so far away from her 😢.
In reality they gave us the confidence to do this.
I didn't know until afterwards how she'd felt about me going.

I came back after 2.5 years, my brother has continued to live abroad in various countries.

My mum is great and not at all suffocating - I'd still think it very weird if she wanted to follow me to another country!

She's happy and independent. You've done a good job! Life often never works in a way where you'd be able to hug her every day. Even within your country they move. I live 2 hours away from my parents, see them once every couple of months.

You need to start letting go a bit, but don't start panicking she going to stay in Oz just yet.

@inappropriateraspberry at least it's not just me

Also maybe the emigrating children don’t want their parents trailing across the world to live near them, I find it really odd when people say they would follow their kids wherever they go, what a pressure to put your children under when they are setting into a new country and culture, having to worry about their parents as well as themselves.

I understand yous sadness but on the other hand feel super proud you've brought up a independent daughter making her way in the world

I think posters are being incredibly naive to think they can just retrain and get the sort of job, visa etc that enables them to emigrate to Australia ... the rules there are incredibly tough.. you can't just plan to relocate 'because your DC has moved there' ?

I know there's nothing in this country for young people With your attitude you have kind of told her that she can't succeed in this country (not sure where you currently reside), so if she doesn't emigrate she has somehow failed.
I find it a bit strange saying those things if you don't want her to leave?
Regarding DC leaving Europe for Australia, you pat yourself on the back for raising an independent individual and get on with your life. Who knows what the future will bring? My niece is returning from Oz, 21 years, 2 DC and an Australian husband later...

Move there too. Honestly do it it is possible and Australia have just made it easier for brits

When I lived in Oz many years ago we rented apartment beside an English couple who had just moved out following their son. They seemed completely lost and out of their depth, had no friends there, their son was out at work all week and wanted to enjoy his new life at wkends. Whole thing was a disaster and the couple packed up and returned to UK after few months. My kids all live away - 2 in mainland Europe, one in Oz. They are happy independent people, we chat regularly, visit when we can and enjoy life. Kids are only on loan to us imo.

That’s one specific example @Yellowsubmarineunderthesea and you’ll get people like that everywhere, whether they’ve moved across the world or 20 minutes down the road.

I agree. Lots of people where I live have children who have moved to the other side of the world - I've yet to hear of anyone who followed them. Of course it's natural to miss them, but surely they should be allowed to live their own lives without parents tagging along behind.

Don’t move! Almost half of the emigrants to Australia return home. I lived in Australia and had my children there. Knew 2 sets of grandparents who sold up, forked out for incredibly expensive retirement visas only to find after 5 years their children returned to the U.K.

@SirChenjins agreed it's one particular example but it (and many others I could have referred to) shows up how moving to a whole other country has many pitfalls having to negotiate around finding new friends, banking, health services, work, climate, culture, etc etc. All this can be exciting while also frustrating when young and heading off
on personal adventures. It's a whole other ballgame when older and you're following someone else and leaving all you know behind.

And of course, you'd have to think about whether your child actually wanted you to follow them around the world too. It's hard to think about it - but just maybe they are going to leave their life and families behind intentionally

Oh absolutely, it’s not easy - a move later in life isn’t easy and another country brings a whole other set of challenges. Plenty of people do move after retirement though - the world is full of older expats living out their dreams - so providing you go with the right mindset and providing you’ve discussed it as a family and your children want you to go out with them (as ours do - although the difference is we’re not interested in moving to Oz) there’s no reason whatsoever it can’t work. Not everyone wants to see out their days from their mid 60s onwards from behind their net curtains in the UK.

My aunt followed her only child back and forth across the Atlantic. In the end, the very pissed off child went NC. Don't smother your daughter, OP, or you may lose her completely.

You’ve raise her to be independent and that’s a good thing. Don’t try to dissuade her from moving if that’s what she wants to do. Be happy for her that she has an opportunity to do this.

I left my home country and never gave my parent’s happiness a second thought. 25 years later that still haunts me. I have one ds now in California - you get used to it but your relationships alters that’s for sure.
Obviously fledglings finding their wings blah blah, but there is no getting away from the fact that you want your children with you. Let’s at least be able to acknowledge that ffs.

Do you have any evidence for this claim?

Sure. If you look at the return migration statistics for U.K. to Australia on ONS website you will find this data.

The book ten pound poms is also a qualitative exploration of the return migration statistics.