Page 2 | How do you cope if your kids move to Oz???

Helliehollyrose · 2023-06-27T18:28:30+00:00

My daughter is in Oz at the moment for 5 months and I'm struggling massively. Her gf lives there and they both come back in Oct. She's loving life and enjoying every minute but I'm just feeling so sick to my stomach that she will want to live in Oz. I know there's nothing in this country for young people but she's my only child and I can't bear the thought of not hugging her every day!! She's only been gone a week and it feels like forever. I knew she wouldn't live in our town but thought it might be somewhere by the sea, but not the sea on the other side of the world!! 😢

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/07/2023 19:17

Do you have the children? Honestly in your position, I would absolutely hate this place at the same time. When I was her age, I may well have gone!

savoycabbage · 09/07/2023 19:18

My Mam came every January and February every single year I was there. We probably spent more time when I was living there than we do now. She had her own friends there and everything.

Mabmabdwarf · 09/07/2023 19:19

If my daughter moved out to Oz then my house is going on the market and I’m moving too.

Doremisofarsogood · 09/07/2023 19:20

My brother moved to Australia about 10 years ago and our mum has been out every few years - she was 75 the last time she went! She does say the travelling is harder the older she gets but she still aims to go again! Technology is brilliant as well, we video call with my niece and nephew at least every week so we have a great relationship despite only physically meeting them once! It can be done, it's just a bit different x

MotherofGorgons · 09/07/2023 19:22

I think it's odd to follow your kids to another country. Though it's perfectly natural to miss them.

SirChenjins · 09/07/2023 19:39

Watching with interest as DC1 is moving there very soon. I’m coming to terms with it (a bit…) now but it’s been really difficult. As well as really missing him I’m afraid there’s also a part of me that thinks ‘there goes our retirement plans’ as I’m conscious that our pensions will now have to include expensive trips to Oz rather than travelling to the places we really want to go to. I don’t blame him for going though, it’s the right time in his life.

Mabmabdwarf · 09/07/2023 20:26

MotherofGorgons · 09/07/2023 19:22

I think it's odd to follow your kids to another country. Though it's perfectly natural to miss them.

Some of us love our kids more then the country we live in.

BlastedPimples · 09/07/2023 20:36

I'd be sad but I would never ever let my dcs know that.

It's important they live their lives exactly how they want without me holding them back with emotional blackmail.

MouseSculptureMadeOfOldHairbrushFluff · 09/07/2023 20:39

People saying that they'd follow their child to Australia sound a bit...suffocating. If your child actively encourages you to join them that's one thing, but deciding that you're just going to trot after them no matter what...well I wonder what the son or daughter would think of that.

SwedishEdith · 09/07/2023 20:45

SirChenjins · 09/07/2023 19:39

Watching with interest as DC1 is moving there very soon. I’m coming to terms with it (a bit…) now but it’s been really difficult. As well as really missing him I’m afraid there’s also a part of me that thinks ‘there goes our retirement plans’ as I’m conscious that our pensions will now have to include expensive trips to Oz rather than travelling to the places we really want to go to. I don’t blame him for going though, it’s the right time in his life.

Yeah, that's the bummer. Sil lives out there so pil's big trips are now always to Australia. They're bored of going there but it's the only way they can see their grandchildren.

BillyNoM8s · 09/07/2023 20:54

I can't believe so many people would follow their kid to another country.

I live abroad and I'd be if either one of my parents had followed me out here. I go and visit when I can, but I do have my own life to live.

Let her have her own adventure with her girlfriend. You should want your kids to travel and experience things independently.

MotherofGorgons · 09/07/2023 20:55

Mabmabdwarf · 09/07/2023 20:26

Some of us love our kids more then the country we live in.

Show quote history

Everything on MN eventually ends up in " I love my kids or DH or DP the best!"

Visas? Jobs?

SirChenjins · 09/07/2023 21:02

That’s our concern @SwedishEdith DS and his GF aren’t planning on having children for a good few years yet (but certainly do want them), and the thought of having to save our pension to go out once every year/2 years to the same country just so we can see our grandchildren isn’t exactly filling us with joy. It’s so far away and so expensive - completely different story if they were going a few hours away.

MarigoldGlove · 09/07/2023 21:06

Some of us love our kids more then the country we live in.
You can't just emigrate by selling your house. Australia is one of the most expensive places to live in the world. It's an absolutely huge decision to make once you have children of your own never mind adult children. And it's not a decision you should make because someone else has decided to go.

Becoming an immigrant is quite a important decision.

MotherofGorgons · 09/07/2023 21:07

All those concerns are completely understandable @SirChenjins.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 09/07/2023 21:08

@SirChenjins could you holiday together? Quite a few fun places meeting halfway.

Mimilamore · 09/07/2023 21:11

My daughter and her now husband went to Australia ( his country of birth in September last year) They have since had a baby girl. The opportunity there is so much better than they could have hoped for here. I am visiting for a month in October and they hope to visit here next year. We'll try to carry on like that as much as we can. I do miss them and long to cuddle my granddaughter ( she is 8th gc) but I would not dream of putting my emotional needs before theirs and as another poster said, we have children so that they can grow up to be independent human beings and flying the nest is the natural result of this... good luck to them.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/07/2023 21:13

MarigoldGlove · 09/07/2023 21:06

Some of us love our kids more then the country we live in.
You can't just emigrate by selling your house. Australia is one of the most expensive places to live in the world. It's an absolutely huge decision to make once you have children of your own never mind adult children. And it's not a decision you should make because someone else has decided to go.

Becoming an immigrant is quite a important decision.

And it's not as easy as just saying 'We'll sell the house and move to Oz' either. They have a very strict immigration policy.

SirChenjins · 09/07/2023 21:19

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 09/07/2023 21:08

@SirChenjins could you holiday together? Quite a few fun places meeting halfway.

Yes we have thought of that - but it will still require us (and them) to have the funds for a 10-12 hour flight and holiday, which is not always possible with a young family - and it would also have to be factored in with her family and their visits in their retirement, and with us holidaying with our other adult children and their families (if that’s something they want to do obviously). It also excludes lots of places that we want to see in our retirement.

It’s just the reality of moving 24 hours away from your family - no point in getting upset about it, but they will have to accept visits will be limited and I don’t think they have thought about it in all the excitement (completely understandable - you don’t until children come along)

MarigoldGlove · 09/07/2023 21:32

And it's not as easy as just saying 'We'll sell the house and move to Oz' either. They have a very strict immigration policy.
I know. And very intrusive. For example I did the medical,when I was 22 and fit as a butchers dog. Whereas my friend did it at 47 and had to loose weight so she 'wasn't a burden on Australia'.

savoycabbage · 09/07/2023 21:34

Some of us love our kids more then the country we live in.

Just say that in the visa interview, they might think you are Peter Andre and let you in straight away.

Mabmabdwarf · 09/07/2023 21:46

MotherofGorgons · 09/07/2023 20:55

Everything on MN eventually ends up in " I love my kids or DH or DP the best!"

Visas? Jobs?

Show quote history

Well obviously I’d get a bloody visa to go there and change jobs. How hard is that to understand.

I wouldn’t just jump on a boat and rock up there.

LancashireSquirrel · 09/07/2023 21:47

Goodness, if I had moved to another country and my mum followed me I'd move to a different country. You have to let your children live their lives. How suffocating!

Mabmabdwarf · 09/07/2023 21:49

LancashireSquirrel · 09/07/2023 21:47

Goodness, if I had moved to another country and my mum followed me I'd move to a different country. You have to let your children live their lives. How suffocating!

I’d love it if I moved countries and my family followed. Not that I care what someone on MN would think about me following my daughter to a different country.

SirChenjins · 09/07/2023 21:50

LancashireSquirrel · 09/07/2023 21:47

Goodness, if I had moved to another country and my mum followed me I'd move to a different country. You have to let your children live their lives. How suffocating!

Our DS has already said he’s love it if we moved there - not everyone feels that way and families are obviously different. Otoh, we’re not interested in moving to Oz.