Parents disagree with move

[lnkn561728]

Looking for advice
Has anyones parents not been supportive of a move?
Me, my husband and 1 year old son will be emigrating to Australia later on this year.

My dad thinks in his own words that doing this is disgusting trailing my son half way around the world with just a suitcase and a shirt on his back not knowing what's going on. This has made me upset him saying this when that's not the case at all.

Reason doing it while he's still young as it gives him plenty time to settle in and make friends before he starts school and get used to the new environment.
We are going over for work and job pays a lot more which would mean we would be better off and also we have always wanted to move across one day.

Well you’re not asking your parents to move there so it’s irrelevant. You need to do what’s best for your family, so just tel your dad you’ll make sure your son has a jumper in as well as his shirt and he won’t have to carry his own suitcase! Good luck, sounds a great opportunity.

If you have, hand on heart, done your research then just reassure then. They’re clearly worried because Australia is so very different to the UK that most emigrants do, usually, come back. It’s not just about money; commutes, childcare costs, property costs all need to be considered. For example in sydney the property market is so messed up even people earning 200-300k aud can’t always find somewhere within 3 hours commute & that’s why many professional employers expect you to come in for breakfast meetings at 7am. Because people will be commuting in the early hours anyway due to traffic.

They are just sad. They love you and their grandson and they know he will now have a different relationship than what they have now.
Be understanding. They are hurting

They have just come out of covid where countries closed down and families were keot apart for years. They are fearful and sad

I live abroad away from my family. They will get used to it and everyone adapts. But it is still hard and sometime you are quite far away

Everyone is different.
For some people, moving is an oppotunity and something exciting to do. It sound slike you are in that group.
For some people, moving broad, let alone moving to the other side of the world, is a nightmare. They cant imagine leaving their environment, are worried that they will never settle, not being able to see freinds and family when they want to etc etc It sound slike your parents are in that category.

They are also probably worried and hurt they won't see you as often (and you won't). Maybe sad that you dont want them on your life/are chosing to not have them in your life etc....
(Note: This is how it might feel to them. I'm not saying this is what you are trying to do!)

I am not sure you will be able to be n the same page there. The best you can do is to reasure them as much as you can. And then get on with making the best of your life the way YOU want to make it.

Well, you make the decisions - not your parents - so just ignore them & do what YOU want. They have no right to say these things to you.

@Ozanj

If you have, hand on heart, done your research then just reassure then. They’re clearly worried because Australia is so very different to the UK that most emigrants do, usually, come back. It’s not just about money; commutes, childcare costs, property costs all need to be considered. For example in sydney the property market is so messed up even people earning 200-300k aud can’t always find somewhere within 3 hours commute & that’s why many professional employers expect you to come in for breakfast meetings at 7am. Because people will be commuting in the early hours anyway due to traffic.

Yeah done a lot and I mean a lot of research,he is a carpenter by trade so could pretty much work wherever and I wouldn't need to work as much as back home so childcare would be reduced alot

Do what you want, but perhaps try to imagine how you'll feel when it's your DS doing the same to you. A little empathy wouldn't go amiss.

@GeodesicDome

Do what you want, but perhaps try to imagine how you'll feel when it's your DS doing the same to you. A little empathy wouldn't go amiss.

Yeah I have reassured him that the will still be plenty contact and he will still get to see grandson growing up and im doing this for good reason not to hurt him

This is hard for parents - your decision is essentially going to make them strangers to their own grandchildren. As much as you promise to visit, do FaceTime etc, it just isn't the same. My brother lives in America and my parents have reached the point where they can't fly out there anymore due to my dad's health. My brother tries to come back as often as he can but the relationship my nephews have with my folks is very different to the one my kids have with them. Australia is about as far away as you can get and what is adventure for you is loss to them. They are allowed to be upset, I think.

I would be devastated if my DD and DGD moved to the other side of the world. I like to think I wouldn't put pressure on them to stay but I can relate to the heartbreak.

I think you just have to accept their view.

Yeah I have reassured him that the will still be plenty contact and he will still get to see grandson growing up and im doing this for good reason not to hurt him

So many people have not seen relatives for two years because of lockdowns. You've no idea what might happen in the next few years.

The decision to go is entirely yours, but be realistic about your future relationship with your family, and how this affects them.

This will be an unpopular view here as Mumsnet is full of loving grandparents, but honestly go live your life. They are likely sad because you're taking their grandchild away which is hard, but honestly if you want to do this and it will give you a happier better life for you, your family and the generations ahead just do it.

Don't let anyone hold you back - remember anyone else's opinions usually don't put you first, but the feelings of the people they come from.

Wishing you so much luck!

Realistically, they are only going to see the grandchildren every couple of years at best. PILs haven't seen their youngest two grandchildren since 2019, (and they haven't actually methane youngest, no family members on either side have, and he's nearly one). Obviously the last couple of years were exceptional, but its a very different type of relationship to being nearby

You are trying to do the best for your son. So are they. Just different ideas whats best.

Yeah I have reassured him that the will still be plenty contact and he will still get to see grandson growing up and im doing this for good reason not to hurt him

Oh come on OP you know that's not going to be the case

I was the grandchild that grew up in Australia with relations I hardly knew. I had a fantastic life and was a furious teenager when my family returned to the Uk. I would personally be concerned about the impacts of global warming on Australia and its economy in the coming years. Bushfires and drought aren't much fun.

You should move because that’s what you want and what you think is the right thing. Your parents are sad and that’s ok too.

I’m not sure a single income will be enough to support as the cost of living is significantly higher in Australia than here. Have you really done your research??

My friends are Australians living in uk. Their 6 year old dd hasnt seen her grandparents since she was 1 and they've never met their ds.

This is partly covid but also the expense of flights over, the toll it takes flying long distances with young kids, work pressures, ill health of one of the grandparents etc.

@Bunce1

You should move because that’s what you want and what you think is the right thing. Your parents are sad and that’s ok too.

I’m not sure a single income will be enough to support as the cost of living is significantly higher in Australia than here. Have you really done your research??

It would be two incomes just I could reduce my hours slightly and work evenings when home, will also have a house sale behind us to fall back on if needed

Will you be renting?

Have you looked at the costs.

No disrespect to your partner or you, but caring full time for a child then working the evenings means very little family time and a carpenter, it’s not huge money is it?

There are quite a few threads on here about moving to Australia, search them up I think you’d be surprised at the cost of living.

@twinsetandpearl

Yeah I have reassured him that the will still be plenty contact and he will still get to see grandson growing up and im doing this for good reason not to hurt him

Oh come on OP you know that's not going to be the case

You don't know me as a person, his other grandparents travel 90% of the time, don't see grandson a lot but I have made sure that there is plenty FaceTimes and calls at least twice a week so I know I'm my case it would be what I do to keep contact

As long as you have really looked into it then you don't need their blessing but they are simply worried and concerned, it's a huge step.

I know people who have emigrated and loved it, I know others who have returned within 3-4 years, there are women who post on Mumsnet stuck in Australia following divorce because they can't move back with the kids.

Australia is very expensive especially the Sydney area and it's the work culture is long hours and long commutes too. The family I know best who returned told me they had no time to live the Aussie lifestyle because they worked so many hours. No idea about carpenters but most the people I know had to do additional training

@Bunce1

Will you be renting?

Have you looked at the costs.

No disrespect to your partner or you, but caring full time for a child then working the evenings means very little family time and a carpenter, it’s not huge money is it?

There are quite a few threads on here about moving to Australia, search them up I think you’d be surprised at the cost of living.

Renting till we find a house to mortgage , Money is pretty good checked the cost of living and including other expenses like cars childcare ect, I wouldn't be working full time as I wouldn't have the need just part time, still plenty time for family, definitely a well thought out process of pros and cons have been considered for this move

@gogohm

As long as you have really looked into it then you don't need their blessing but they are simply worried and concerned, it's a huge step.

I know people who have emigrated and loved it, I know others who have returned within 3-4 years, there are women who post on Mumsnet stuck in Australia following divorce because they can't move back with the kids.

Australia is very expensive especially the Sydney area and it's the work culture is long hours and long commutes too. The family I know best who returned told me they had no time to live the Aussie lifestyle because they worked so many hours. No idea about carpenters but most the people I know had to do additional training

Yeah definitely looked into a lot a good few years and just kept putting it off and yeah wouldn't be Sydney we would move to more Brisbane area

I think your dad is lashing out because he's going to miss you all and he's hurting. But at the end of the day you have to do what you think is right for your family.