Parents disagree with move

[lnkn561728]

Looking for advice
Has anyones parents not been supportive of a move?
Me, my husband and 1 year old son will be emigrating to Australia later on this year.

My dad thinks in his own words that doing this is disgusting trailing my son half way around the world with just a suitcase and a shirt on his back not knowing what's going on. This has made me upset him saying this when that's not the case at all.

Reason doing it while he's still young as it gives him plenty time to settle in and make friends before he starts school and get used to the new environment.
We are going over for work and job pays a lot more which would mean we would be better off and also we have always wanted to move across one day.

But they won't hold him, tickle him, play with him, babysit him, take him to the playground or the farm park, sit him on their knee to read to him or any of the loving grandparent things. The relationship simply won't be anything like a normal one. So please don't insult their intelligence.

Well tough sorry.
Parents shouldn't clip the wings of their own dcs because they want a cuddle with a grand child.
The role of parent is to raise an independent balanced child that becomes an independent balanced adult that will have a happy life. Stopping them from doing something they really want to do for your own benefit isn't what a good parent does.

Also the whole 'It's not going to be normal grand parent/grand child relationship'
Many grand parents only see their hrand child once or twice a year for a few days, Often around christmas plus another time. Because they live at opposite side of the country, there isnt a lot money to go round, no space to stay at grand parents what ever. The list is very long. It doesn't stop them from building a relationhsip.
Same when you are abroad. You can ensure that the two of them have a great relationship or you can put all the barriers you can to avoid doing so. I live abroad (similar sitiuation to the OP) most of my childhood. It didn't stop me having a relationhsip with family (grand parents, aunts/cousins). My parents and my family are also living in different countries (different to where I grew up). My dcs have grown to have great relationhsip with my parents despite the distance.

When there is will, there is a way. And this goes both ways.

But guilt tripping an adult child into staying close by and not going away when this is their dream is not OK.

I live in Brisbane. I hate to be a Debbie Downer..... The rental market is likely worse here than in your part of the world. All the Southernrs have been moving up here. Dozens of people for every property. And Landlords are having a field day. And prices are insane. You will not get a home very easily. Be prepared to be in a hotel for many months. People are now homeless because of the situation. In many suburbs houses are one million and more. Most bought again by Southeners or foreign investors.

The cost of living is insane now. Some fruit and veggies have gone up 75%. Petrol is over $2 a litre. You WILL need likely two cars to get around. Brisbane is the largest land covering city with the least amount of people. 85% of employees work outside of the city centre. Public transport while good, you can't really get everywhere.

Your husband's income may be great here, but with our cost of living will mean it's not that great. Daycare is expensive. School, be it public or private is NOT free.

And they are not as employee friendly like in your part of the world. From what I read here, it seems easy to just get time off because your kid is sick. Or be off work for months at a time with stress leave.

We have fire at will. It's easy to lose your job here compared to you guys.

Medicare is slowly getting rid of what it covers. There is very little free healthcare and what is free will take a long time to access in many cases. Most doctors no longer bulk bill. So you pay about $40 per visit.

And yes, in many professions you need to work long hours and travel far for the pleasure of doing so.

All your research on the internet will be nothing like the reality of living here. It's not utopia..... And every year it gets harder. Retirement age is currently 70 and keeps rising. Nothing as great as Universal Credit here either. You are up shit Creek if you lose your job.

This is the reality.... it's not all sunshine and an easier life. The old Australia is gone. The new one is not so good.

I forgot to add.... Your hubby is in trade? That means long hours. So not sure if you can get a part time evening job, unless it were to start much later in the evening. Maybe being a night fill at a supermarket or something.

I am the mother of adult children who have moved away and your father is out of line. Your father has had his life, made his decisions and lived where he wanted, and you have every right to do the same. The next time he starts up, shut him down. He is 100% in the wrong.

Yeah definitely looked into a lot a good few years and just kept putting it off and yeah wouldn't be Sydney we would move to more Brisbane area

I'm in Brisbane - you'll love it. My son is a tiler and he makes very good money, both when working for a large construction company and also when he works for himself. And the recent floods have meant that tradesmen can get as much work as they want , going forward. Your carpenter husband won't have any problems making good money.

Your hubby is in trade? That means long hours

Not in my experience. They start early, yes, but they finish early as well. Most tradies that I know, start around 6-30am and finish around 2-30pm. My son gets off at 2-30pm in the city, and picks up his kids from school on the way home.

@starrynight21

Your hubby is in trade? That means long hours

Not in my experience. They start early, yes, but they finish early as well. Most tradies that I know, start around 6-30am and finish around 2-30pm. My son gets off at 2-30pm in the city, and picks up his kids from school on the way home.

Yeah her hours will be 7am-3pm

@Brisbanite78

I live in Brisbane. I hate to be a Debbie Downer..... The rental market is likely worse here than in your part of the world. All the Southernrs have been moving up here. Dozens of people for every property. And Landlords are having a field day. And prices are insane. You will not get a home very easily. Be prepared to be in a hotel for many months. People are now homeless because of the situation. In many suburbs houses are one million and more. Most bought again by Southeners or foreign investors.

The cost of living is insane now. Some fruit and veggies have gone up 75%. Petrol is over $2 a litre. You WILL need likely two cars to get around. Brisbane is the largest land covering city with the least amount of people. 85% of employees work outside of the city centre. Public transport while good, you can't really get everywhere.

Your husband's income may be great here, but with our cost of living will mean it's not that great. Daycare is expensive. School, be it public or private is NOT free.

And they are not as employee friendly like in your part of the world. From what I read here, it seems easy to just get time off because your kid is sick. Or be off work for months at a time with stress leave.

We have fire at will. It's easy to lose your job here compared to you guys.

Medicare is slowly getting rid of what it covers. There is very little free healthcare and what is free will take a long time to access in many cases. Most doctors no longer bulk bill. So you pay about $40 per visit.

And yes, in many professions you need to work long hours and travel far for the pleasure of doing so.

All your research on the internet will be nothing like the reality of living here. It's not utopia..... And every year it gets harder. Retirement age is currently 70 and keeps rising. Nothing as great as Universal Credit here either. You are up shit Creek if you lose your job.

This is the reality.... it's not all sunshine and an easier life. The old Australia is gone. The new one is not so good.

His hours would be 7am-3pm mon-Fri overtime there if he wants, gives me plenty time to do a little part time job a few days a week, and we would be buying two cars once we get out as need two here so wouldn't be any different over there also checked out the rental market and buying but air bnbs would do us till we find something, also we know it isn't all sunshine and rainbows

@Brisbanite78

I forgot to add.... Your hubby is in trade? That means long hours. So not sure if you can get a part time evening job, unless it were to start much later in the evening. Maybe being a night fill at a supermarket or something.

We also have a house sale back home which gives us alot of money to fall back on and put down on a mortgage out there so Paul g extra for things isn't an issue

Interested to know how hard you found it to get visas?

@Movingonup22

Interested to know how hard you found it to get visas?

Easy but I think that depends on what kind of visa you go on and your job if it's on the skilled worker list His as on the skill shortage

Ah okay - which kinda proves the point he’ll get work easily. The government will only be letting people in that they have carefully calculated won’t be a drain on the public purse.

Have you already sold your house in the uk? I would just that I think housing is probably going to be your biggest stress and challenge and probably the thing most important to research as much as possible. The Australian property market is brutal - it’s very hot at this moment but even when it calms down it is still awful. I would
Think carefully about getting off the ladder here until you know more about getting on the ladder there.

Btw if you haven’t looked at Adelaide yet you should
Give it a thought - cheaper than Brisbane and fab family lifestyle

@Movingonup22

Ah okay - which kinda proves the point he’ll get work easily. The government will only be letting people in that they have carefully calculated won’t be a drain on the public purse.

Have you already sold your house in the uk? I would just that I think housing is probably going to be your biggest stress and challenge and probably the thing most important to research as much as possible. The Australian property market is brutal - it’s very hot at this moment but even when it calms down it is still awful. I would
Think carefully about getting off the ladder here until you know more about getting on the ladder there.

Btw if you haven’t looked at Adelaide yet you should
Give it a thought - cheaper than Brisbane and fab family lifestyle

We haven't sold just yet will be last thing we do along with selling our car, We can't because of job is located in Brisbane but not central which is a plus as seems a little cheaper

Ah okay - to be honest I would really think seriously about keeping it and renting until you are on the ground!

I did the opposite, sort of. I moved to the U.K., met British DH and we did a few years in Australia to have the kids. My family hated that we were moving them back to London from Aus, and the distance IS hard (and scary sometimes). BUT, you make it work. No, we don't have a relationship where we see them every other weekend, but we do once a year as we prioritise our finances so we have the money to go. We stay with my Mum for weeks at a time so while she doesn't see them often, when we do she gets real, quality time with them. Fun days out going to the beach, library, playgrounds, films. Hanging out playing at her house. We probably spend as much time with her as my sister who lives 20 minutes away, it's just condensed into a few weeks rather than spread over the year.

And ultimately we have done this as we couldn't make life work in Sydney. Husbands career tanked and his mental health took a huge hit. We didn't have much spare money in Sydney, we have a very comfortable life in London and can offer our kids so much more.

Your parents are sad and hurt. They will hopefully come around when they see you all thriving in your new life. And then be fully on board when they come and visit and see what a gorgeous country it is! Have a wonderful time.

My in-laws are very against us moving to Connecticut. They have said that it will be awful for the kids education and that they will be bored and stunted. They also think that we shouldn’t be taking them away from grandparents and cousins (who all live >1.5 hours away so it’s not like we all live on the same street).

We have basically just ignored them. An additional complication is that they refuse to be vaccinated which means that unless the rules change they will not be able to visit….