France to UK after 13 years... would you take children's opinion into account?

[miimblemomble]

Hi all

We are a UK family, have been living in France for 13 years. A whole range of issues from ill, elderly, family back home, to Brexit, to Covid, to general fed-up-ness with French bureaucracy is making DH and I both seriously consider moving back to the UK. All our family are there. We used to not feel too far from them, but Covid has made travel all but impossible, and we are missing them a lot. It has brought home the reality of not living down the road (something we have never aspired to before!). DH's parents have both declined physically and we haven't been able to help at all. Brexit means that university in the UK is suddenly not an option for our kids and, unless we get nationality here, they / we can't even benefit from freedom of movement to live anywhere else in Europe. And we are looking at probably 5 more years to get French nationality as our prefecture is so unbelievably shit - despite having started the process back just after Brexit happened!

We've been here all our children's lives (DS1 was 5 months when we arrived, DS2 was born here). DS1 in particular (in 4eme now) has a wide circle of friends and a girlfriend here. He would be so upset if we decided to move now. And DS2, while he would be easier to uproot, he's very shy by nature and I worry about dumping him in the UK in P7 just before starting secondary (we'd be heading to Scotland).

Many of you have made big moves... If you were doing it with teens / ados (10 and 13 yrs) did you take their views into account? Did you ask them - or did you just tell them that it's happening, and they have to suck it up? We haven't moved once since having kids, despite DH and I being pretty mobile in the past. They've grown up with stories or travel and the reality of living far from family, but in their lives they've only experienced stability so far.

Tricky decision OP. We came back from France in 2019. Our kids were 12 10 and 5. I miss a lot of things, but we were only there for 4 years and so hadn't settled in the same way as you will have. Our kids are happy with the move back to the UK as have made good friends and interestingly they don't notice the QOL aspects as much as we do. But I don't think ours is the same situation.
I think it's also worth thinking ahead about how you would want things to be when your kids are at university. Obviously there is no guarantee of the future and if your children will go on to university. But if they do, university holidays are long and I know when parents move after their children have started university it can be really disconcerting for the children, as they don't feel they are 'going home' in the holidays. I suppose from this I'm thinking that if you do move, it might be best to do it soon or leave it for 10 years or so. Good luck!

OP I was in a similar situation and decided to move back - we wanted our similar age British kids to experience living in the country of their sole nationality and put down roots. It’s going ok but some challenges of course not least due to relocating in lockdown. But overall we feel sure we made the right decision. Would love to know what you decide! Good luck either way.

I think having EU citizenship for your kids is super important in all of this. Even if you do move them to the UK now, chances are that they will want to return to France as adults. Them not having EU passports then will make things very difficult for them.

I disagree about the trauma thing and not making decisions. I think the pandemic has been an eye opener. I actually think for a lot of people it’s given them clarity and some headspace to do what’s right for them.

It’s a huge decision but I believe the kids will adapt and it sounds like the right decision for your family. Now I’m just a stranger on the internet and have no idea about how the schooling will work etc but having moved as a child albeit just in England I do think change creates resilience in people and it sounds like your children will do well wherever they are having you by their side.